Argument147 【0710G-HIT坚持交作业小组作文大帖】第一次作业

scarf83UID：2285995

TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 400          TIME: 38:00          DATE: 2007-7-30 下午 07:27:06

Syllabus

1. 怀疑调查结果， 没有来源，权威性，具体情况不清楚
2. 10-25岁没根据，因此广告可能达不到预期效果
3. 最重要的因素是逼真的画面，但不代表玩家会玩，其他因素也应考虑，比如竞争对手，经济因素等


The passage is presented to assert the conslusion that the sales of Whirlwind(WW) wideo games are likely to increase dramatically in the next month. To substantiate this point, the author provides some arguments like the most important feature of a video game players care about and extensive adversing campaign to attract the players 10 to 25 years old. It looks ostensively reasonable at first, however in-depth scrunity reveals that it suffers from several fallacies and are not thoroughly well reasoned.

In the first place, the author is failing to make me convinced about the validity of the survey's result. There are no further information about the authority and authenticity of the survey mentioned in this passage like how many players took part in this survey, what is the age section are they in and by which survey institute this survey is hold. Without these infomation, the survey's result is very suspectable.

What is more, there is no warranty to prove that people 10 to 25 years old most likely to play video games. Even provided that the result of the survey can be acceptted, the advertising campaign only directed at people 10 to 25 years old is possibly not successful as a result of difference between the real age section of video game players and the supposed 10 to 25 years old.

At last but not the least, although most players make a common sense that the most important feature of a video game is lifelike graphics, the author fails to omit other alternatives that other factors are also able to impact the sales of WW videl games. It is entirely possible that the economy is under a situation of depresssion and people at that age can not afford to splend money on entertainments. On the other hand, it is mentioned in the passage that WW's video game has declined for two years. Perhaps there are some vital faults in their games like boring plots and unattractive music or quality as well as too high price which may be the most reason why WW's games do not have a prosperous market.

In sum, to improve the passage better, the author needs to provide more details about the survey. Before the age section of players are surveyed clearly, the advertising compaign should be suspended. And besides, other factors which probably influence the sale of WW's games should also be investigated further.

SavileRowUID：2284947

The passage is presented to assert the conslusion（conclusion） that the sales of Whirlwind(WW) wideo (video)games are likely to increase dramatically in the next month. To substantiate this point, the author provides some arguments like the most important feature of a(of a 去掉是不是好些) video game players care about and extensive adversing（advertising） campaign to attract the players (aging from)10 to 25 years old. It looks ostensively(这个词没查到) reasonable at first（at first glance是不是好些？）, however in-depth scrunity reveals that it suffers from several fallacies and are not thoroughly well reasoned.

In the first place, the author is failing to make me convinced about the validity of the survey's result. There are no further information about the authority and authenticity of the survey mentioned in this passage like how many players took part in this survey, what is the age section are they in and by which survey institute this survey is hold. Without these infomation, the survey's result is very suspectable(suspect？).
看过一篇文章，不记得在哪了。里面说：Argu的题面出现的survey，ets希望你相信它是可信的，只有在实在找不到攻击点的时候，再攻击它。我今天再找找原文

What is more, there is no warranty to prove that people 10 to 25 years old (are)most likely to play video games. Even provided that the result of the survey can be acceptted, the advertising campaign only directed at people 10 to 25 years old is possibly not successful as a result of difference between the real age section of video game players and the supposed 10 to 25 years old.（你是想写玩家和游戏消费者可能不等同？）我觉得这段其实包含了2个谬误，可以分成两段分别写得更深入些1没证据证明改年龄组是最爱玩游戏的，只是臆想2玩家和真正消费者的概念不等同
不知道我理解的对不对

At last but not the least, although most players make a common sense that the most important feature of a video game is lifelike graphics, the author fails to omit other alternatives that other factors are also able to impact the sales of WW videl（video） games. It is entirely possible that the economy is under a situation of depression and people at that age can not afford to splend(spend) money on entertainments. On the other hand, it is mentioned in the passage that WW's video game has declined for two years. Perhaps there are some vital faults in their games like boring plots and unattractive music or quality as well as too high price which may be the most（加个形容词？比如fatal?） reason why WW's games do not have a prosperous market.

In sum, to improve the passage better, the author needs to provide more details about the survey. Before the age section of players are surveyed clearly, the advertising compaign should be suspended. And besides, other factors which probably influence the sale of WW's games should also be investigated further.这段开头漏了一句套话？就是“总而言之这个argu在证据上的谬误使得推论没有可信性”
不好意思，我实在是不会改argu，等我修炼2天之后再改一次这篇。就当我欠你