Issue48 【0710G-HIT坚持交作业小组作文大帖】第三次作业

scarf83UID：2285995

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 444          TIME: 00:44:09          DATE: 2007-7-22 下午 09:54:43


I strongly agree with the argument that groups of people who made most contribution to the history significant events and trends did not receive enough emphasis and nearly be forgetten by times. But I think that is not brought about by less history study on common people. History itself is a science of describing complicated event with simple words. On the other hand, in the ancient time, materials about common people are difficult to keep and come down to offspring.


In the first place, it is impossible that every details in the history will be recorded by the writers or poets. Consider the history of China during thousands of years, experiencing several dynasties, when a great number of events happened whereas when these history events were written down into books it will be depicted in brief words and factors, many details may be omitted. The same situation can be conclude to other countries that have long history like India, Egypt and so forth. So the "composers of history", maybe we can call them like that, do not prefer to record everyone in their books, who perhaps had less relation.

Second, it is necessary to record main individuals of main events when we confront a mass of series history, which is a artifice of literature. Generally some main individuals are capable of conveying enough information about an important event, besides, to readers, it is also easy to remember main individuals rather than a group of relevant people. For instance when we talk about the Second World War, it is nearly an instinct for us to remind Hitler, although who does not have a good image in common people's mind.

Finally, admittedly, some people who made a great contribution to history in some event were forgotten gradually by people. In my opinion, the main reason why study of history places too much attention on them is that there are few hitorical materials extant about them rather than history researchers are just fond of study individuals. However, the value created by these people will not be forgotten and come down all the time. Consider many anonymous drawers' and calligraphers' works which can still appear in the current auction market, nobody knows who created so splendid works, whereas, they know they are invaluable.

In sum, history was composed of lots of events and peoples, some of which are known even by infants, some of which are forgotten by people forever, some of which can only be found in folk and works. But the value created in history, which is also the essence of historical study, will be admired by all the people during the development of human society.

SavileRowUID：2284947

I disagree with the argument that individual can disobey and resist unjust laws intendedly(intentionally). Arguments can be made for this thesis, but they depend largely upon what I believe to be a poor definition of "justice". (这个开头貌似是一篇5分官方范文上的，我稀饭)

In my opinion, just laws generally need a long period of time to be examined. But at most time, common people prefer to give（这个动词不怎么准确） a conclusion that which laws are just or unjust immediately. In fact, what they comment about the justice of laws(我不怎么能看懂这句主语) definitely come from their own perspectives, or from a limited area, group etc. ,which aren't able to be on behalf of the whole national citizens. So anybody who suffered unfair treatment can claim laws are not just, however, in other people's opinion laws are just and shouldn't be blamed. Accordingly, it is completely wrong to disobey and resist laws just depending on individual thoughts rather than the whole national people's intention.
我觉得这一段的开头总起的这句话写得不够全面，只说了需要时间检验，没有把详述里的“标准差异”写进去。而且时间检验这一点没有充分发展，有些可惜了。
总的来说，如果是我个人写，我更偏向于把这篇写成一个再定义段——对just进行定义和限定（当然内容是差不多的，还是关于时间和标准方面的），这样更方便下面的论述，而且紧接你的开头poor definition of justice。既然说了别人是poor的定义，就应该给各你认为正确的定义，对吧？

Undoubtedly, laws' establishment must have solid reasons to support in different nations in(改成around可能好些，不跟临近的介词重复，我可能有点吹毛求疵了) the world. To the whole national citizens, laws can be recognized as undoubted justice, equality and irresistibility. (用and连接上下句是不是好些？)Anyone who breaches(breaks?) laws should receive deserved punishment without exception. （加一个“法律制定需要程序”的总起可能好些，这样有些生硬了）Before  social rules are accepted as laws, legislation committee or legislature have the responsibility to have a research on some juristic phenomenon, consider different conditions and possibilities as well as adopt different ideas from the mass media. Furthermore, the process of legislation should also act on strict rules, to which anybody have the right to propose different opinion and give an opponent vote to make it fail to pass.
这段我觉得值得改进的就是TS把内容漏掉了。这可能是个人阅读习惯，我比较喜欢TS把这段主要讲什么都说清楚而不是只说一半，这样也就无所谓起到TS作用了。

However, it ought to take place that some little flaws of laws may appear gradually with era(似乎应该是era’s比较符合语法习惯，不过这句话”era rapid develping’看起来怪怪的，即使没有语法错误) rapid developping(不用双写p). Because anybody who takes part in the legislation must have their era （我想了好久也没有想出一个更好的词，但感觉“时代限制”翻译成era 某某不十分准确）limitations and doesn't have the ability to forecast future situation. So(因果关系用一个连词就够了，可以把这句并到上句，去掉so) it is possible that laws operating well in present age may not fit future one (ones). Laws unfitted to(介词可以去掉) present social need time to be revised and improved. But it is clearly a worst way to disobey and resist unjust laws(既然第一段说了对法律的公正与否的标准有时代和个人局限，这个词就应该把他的局限性表现出来), because which will change nothing except incurring the law's punishment. Although laws have an august appearance, we still needn't to be convinced that laws are irreversible. Unjust laws will be changed or deleted sooner or later, whereas we need to take appropriate measures rather than execute violent activity. For instance we can propose our suggestions to the legislature or relevant government offices. To improve the influence in the society and strengthen the advice's cogency it is probable for us to integrate more people's opinions and contact mass media to reflect.
这段仍然没有TS，不过由于内容包括2部分，确实不好写。
我认为把不遵守”某些个人认为的”不公正法律的后果应该稍微发展一下。

Overall, the healthy developing process of laws' mechanism need a long period of time to fit the situation of the time. Nothing will be reached except hurt and demolishment if violent activities are adopted against unjust laws.
结尾显得不够有力量，显得只是简单把观点进行了重复，没有给文章最后的一处论证力量。如果是我写，我把最后两句话调换一下顺序，先把观点复述，然后发展深化“法律的健康发展需要时间”

全篇的发展在我看来导向性不是很足，没有TS抓住我的注意力，当然也可能我阅读能力太弱了。我认为，在ets改卷人高速阅卷的时候，给他一些路标会好些，这样他不容易误看，漏看

[ 本帖最后由 SavileRow 于 2007-8-1 21:14 编辑 ]