issue87 spring小组 第三次作业求拍

julia_tianUID: 2421517

ISSUE87求拍!
第一篇ISSUE写的相当痛苦!:( 忽忽~~~
希望各位大虾指教啊.........
字数:少的可怜                  时间:长的可以


The speaker asserts that in all field of research, the beginner is more likely than the expert to make important discovery. Although this issue sounds a convincing one, far more analysis must be taken to reveal the genuine relationship between the beginner and experts. In my opinion, the final judgment should depend on a case-by-case analysis of various situations.
Beginners are full of enthusiasm and innovation in any field of inquiry. They made great efforts unceasingly with the curiosity about the unknown world and motivation. Furthermore, the beginner has greater interesting of professional life than experts. Like Watson and crick who discovered the DNA double helix structure. Although Wilkins found that DNA with a form like helix in 20th century, the double helix structure were founded at last by a audacious assume by crick and Watson. This illustrates the point that important discovery of research field is connected with beginners who are full of innovation and enthusiasm.
On the other hand, an important discovery not only need the enthusiasm and innovation, but also based on a long-term research and relied on a mass of experiences and theories. That’s why so many experts owned Nobel Prize more than beginner. For example, the Austria psychologist freud Sigmund who established the psychoanalysis. He contributes all his lifetime into the psychoanalysis research. After he received the masters degree in 1881, he published the <the interpretation of dreams> based on much deep and careful research and experiences from work as a neurologist in 1900.
Without experts, some important discoveries may delay or even nonexistent. Since this beginner who made a great discovery usually have a background of science theory by other experts from the same field. Such as Newton who proposed the theory of universal gravitation based on the Galilee’s gravitation theory said he was on the giant people’s shoulder. That illustrates the great discovery from all the fields need both beginner and experts.
In conclusion, a beginner is more likely than the expert to make important discovery is an incompletely considered assertion. In my essay, after confirming the value of both beginner and expert, I think that the beginner and expert are both important for the great discovery in any field.






[ 本帖最后由 speakless 于 2007-11-12 20:58 编辑 ]

dairuxin512UID: 2178329

The speaker asserts that in all fields of research, the beginner is more likely than the expert to make important discovery. Although this issue sounds a convincing one, far more analysis must be taken to reveal（我感觉这个词换成seek好一点） the genuine relationship between the beginner and experts. In my opinion, the final judgment should depend on a case-by-case analysis of various situations.
Beginners are full of enthusiasm and innovation in any field of inquiry. They made great efforts unceasingly with the curiosity about the unknown world and motivation. Furthermore, the beginner has greater interesting（interesting是形容词，换成interest) of(in) professional life than experts. Like Watson and crick who discovered the DNA double helix structure. Although Wilkins found that DNA with a form like helix in 20th century, the double helix structure were founded at last by a audacious assume (by a audacious assumption suggested)by crick and Watson. This illustrates (the point) that important discovery of research field is connected with beginners who are full of innovation and enthusiasm.
On the other hand, an important discovery not only needs (the) enthusiasm and innovation, but also based(bases) on a long-term research and relied(relies) on a mass of(abundant) experiences and theories. That’s why so many experts owned Nobel Prize more than beginner(这句话却谓语吧，改为 the number of experts who owned Nobel Prize is more than that of beginners). For example, the Austria psychologist freud Sigmund who established the psychoanalysis. He contributes(contributed 统一用过去式） all his lifetime into the psychoanalysis research. After he received the master(s) degree in 1881, he published （the） <the interpretation of dreams>，（which) based on much deep and careful research and experiences from work as a neurologist in 1900.(这句话是双谓语了）
Without experts, some important discoveries may be delayed or even nonexistent. Since (this) beginner who made a great discovery usually have a background of science theory by(concluded by) other experts from the same field.(这句话表达不对哦，好像前面也有类似错误!) Such as Newton who proposed the theory of universal gravitation based(basing,不然出现双谓语，proposed才是分句谓语吧） on the Galilee’s gravitation theory said he was on the giant people’s shoulder. That illustrates that (the) great discoveries from all the fields need both beginner and experts.
In conclusion, that (主语从句）a beginner is more likely than the expert to make important discovery is an incompletely considered assertion. In my essay, after confirming the value of both beginner and expert, I think that the beginner and expert are both important for the great discovery (great discoveries 有许多重要地发现吧) in any field.

虽然这篇文章不长，不过写得还好！结构把握的不错，不过语言上面的有一些问题，不过我的语言能力有限，修改的地方是我个人意见，不过我还是能够比较顺利的读懂，呵呵！对于文章结构和内容还有有两个建议：一是我觉得你的第三层（也就是第四段）的观点有些偏，你可能是想表达前人所做贡献对后人的影响，前人的发现不一定就是专家的发现，很可能是那个时代的新手，所以我感觉这段有些牵强；另外，我感觉你在写每一个分论点的时候，可以加强一些论述，因为现在你只是提出一个分论点，然后就举例，所以文章写不长，毕竟是立论文，所以逻辑上的论述是很重要的。继续努力！！！谢谢你帮我批作文哦！

xihaiweiwei3UID: 2390076

The speaker asserts that in all field of research, the beginner is more likely than the expert to make important discovery. Although this issue sounds a convincing one, far more analysis must be taken to reveal the genuine relationship between the beginner and experts. In my opinion, the final judgment should depend on a case-by-case analysis of various situations.

Beginners are full of enthusiasm and innovation in any field of inquiry. They made great efforts unceasingly with the curiosity about the unknown world and motivation. Furthermore, the beginner has greater interesting of professional life than experts. Like Watson and crick who discovered the DNA double helix structure. Although Wilkins found that DNA with a form like helix in 20th century, the double helix structure were founded at last by a audacious assume by crick and Watson. This illustrates the point that important discovery of research field is connected with beginners who are full of innovation and enthusiasm.

On the other hand, an important discovery not only need the enthusiasm and innovation, but also based on a long-term research and relied on a mass of experiences and theories. That’s why so many experts owned Nobel Prize more than beginner. For example, the Austria psychologist freud Sigmund who established the psychoanalysis. He contributes all his lifetime into the psychoanalysis research. After he received the masters degree in 1881, he published the <the interpretation of dreams>[英语中没有书名号] based on much deep and careful research and experiences from work as a neurologist in 1900.

Without experts, some important discoveries may delay or even nonexistent. Since this beginner who made a great discovery usually have a background of science theory by other experts from the same field. Such as Newton who proposed the theory of universal gravitation based on the Galilee’s gravitation theory said he was on the giant people’s shoulder. That illustrates the great discovery from all the fields need both beginner and experts.

In conclusion, a beginner is more likely than the expert to make important discovery is an incompletely considered assertion. In my essay, after confirming the value of both beginner and expert, I think that the beginner and expert are both important for the great discovery in any field.

文章写的还行，第一次写的时候都很难！写出来就是进步！
关于时态的问题，我不一一指出了！基本上要用一般时写句子。
more likely 这样的单词太口语了，最好少用！
文章结构正确，不妨先模仿6分作文写几篇。