0806G-Sunbird小组】第五次作业 ARGUMENT216

smilecynthiaUID: 2365304

Argument216.The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement.
"Because of its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. As a bonus, housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."


1.      对于老人来说，美丽的风景和稳定的气候还不足以给他们最舒适的生活环境，他们还需要健全的医疗制度和丰富多彩的个人生活
2.       住房收费的比较是与去年比较，而且每年还会改变，税收的比较是和周围城镇比较，当地的经济可能比较弱。虽然经济发达并不是老年人最关心的，但与此相关的社会问题会不会存在，比如高失业律带来的社会不稳定等等，另外还有一些服务会不会缺。
3.       许诺的项目并不真正存在，要多少年也说不定。而且学校和街道问题可能老年人并不关心。 医生的水平比数目更重要。

In this argument, the arguer concludes that Clearview would be the most suitable for the retirees. This recommendation is based on the observation that there are natural beauty and consistent climate. In addition, he cites various advantages the local authorities could offer, such as the lower housing cost and real estate taxes, the better schools, streets and public services. This agreement that recommends retirees move to Clearview seems logical.
However, the author is failing to consider the true requirements concerning every aspect in the retirees’ daily life. To be sure, the outdoor natural beauty can bring them with visual comfort, and consistent climate can help human body maintain metabolism well being. Nevertheless, for the aged, such are far away from their urgent requirement. The retirees, who could not get used to leisure life and feel lonely for leaving from their lifetime career, would prefer varied and colorful activities, the same aged companions, public order and the improved medical system to living conditions.
Even if the housing cost and real estate taxes are lower, this mere fact does not support the claim that Clearview would be a top choice for every retiree. Though the housing cost downs to a lower price, it would still be higher than neighboring towns’ and be changing in the future, for the cost is attributable to the supply-demand relation. The real estate tax, which is lower than neighboring town, would imply the poor economic level there. Although retirees are not concerned about economic issue, they never neglect the social problems which accompany with it, such as the unstable price level, the social instability arising from high rate of unemployment. In this case, due to low investment by local authorities, the public equipments and social service would be by no means satisfactory.
Even if Clearview's mayor promises to improve schools, streets, and public services, excellent health care, the arguer fails to convince us of the mayor’s promise. Additionally, the old people do not concern themselves with the improvement of school and streets but need an activation centre. Meanwhile, for old people, medical system is the matter. Then, the physicians’ skill is far more important than the amounts.
Overall, the reasoning for recommending retirees to choose Clearview seems logical as presented above in case that the retirees, who only focus on its surface conditions, would be attracted to Clearview. However, the arguer must provide the evidence that the aged, especially the retirees, who live in Clearview are leading happy lives there. Their words would be the more persuasive and attractive.


[ 本帖最后由 smilecynthia 于 2007-11-23 11:19 编辑 ]

javen3721UID: 2332354

第一段个人感觉不用很长，简要概述一下就可以了~~而且很重要一点是要表达出你的立场~
而且每段要集中探讨一个问题，不要相互有重叠的····

demonXhunterUID: 2420492

In this argument, the arguer concludes that Clearview would be the most suitable for the retirees. This recommendation is based on the observation that there are natural beauty and consistent climate. In addition, he cites various advantages the local authorities could offer, such as the lower housing cost and real estate taxes, the better schools, streets and public services. This agreement是不是argument？ that recommends retirees move to Clearview seems logical.(这句话可千万不能这么写让步，会判N/A的，把seems logical改成is problematic就对了，就是说第一段最后一句一定要标明作者的论述是错的)

However, the author is failing to consider the true requirements concerning every aspect in the retirees’ daily life. To be sure, the outdoor natural beauty can bring them with visual comfort, and consistent climate can help human body maintain metabolism well being. Nevertheless, for the aged, such are far away from their urgent requirement. The retirees, who could not get used to leisure life and feel lonely for leaving from their lifetime career, would prefer varied and colorful activities, the same aged companions, public order and the improved medical system to living conditions.语言灵活，望尘莫及啊

Even if the housing cost and real estate taxes are lower, this mere fact does not support the claim that Clearview would be a top choice for every retiree. Though the housing cost downs to a lower price, it would still be higher than neighboring towns’ （其他退休地点，其实跟周围城市比较就是个漏洞）and be changing in the future, for the cost is attributable to the supply-demand relation. The real estate tax, which is lower than neighboring town, would imply the poor economic level there. Although retirees are not concerned about economic issue, they never neglect the social problems which accompany with it, such as the unstable price level, the social instability arising from high rate of unemployment. In this case, due to low investment by local authorities, the public equipments and social service would be by no means satisfactory. 这个房产税问题我也搞不清楚，税低就经济落后这个逻辑有待证实

Even if Clearview's mayor promises to improve schools, streets, and public services, excellent health care, the arguer fails to convince us of the mayor’s promise. Additionally, the old people do not concern themselves with the improvement of school and streets but need an activation centre. Meanwhile, for old people, medical system is the matter. Then, the physicians’ skill is far more important than the amounts.

Overall, the reasoning for recommending retirees to choose Clearview seems logical as presented above in case that the retirees, who only focus on its surface conditions, would be attracted to Clearview. However, the arguer must provide the evidence that the aged, especially the retirees, who live in Clearview are leading happy lives there. Their words would be the more persuasive and attractive.
我认为写的很好，层次分明，语言鲜活，观点支持有力，对字数的把握能力很强。但是每段的头一句话缺乏对本段的代表性，毕竟ETS还有个电子考官。最后一段也有和第一段一样的问题，我不太清楚seems logical这么写算不算否定，就是算，看起来还是不太明确，至少全文中唯一两处表明你的观点的地方不应用seem，比较模糊。我给5.5 ^ ^