Argument153 第一篇argu...

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The report concludes that the increase of the crimes committed by teenagers is resulted from the violence shown on television. To support this recommendation the report two studies, one showing that the increase in teenage crime parallels the increase in violence shown on television, the other showing that teenagers who watch a great number of television shows featuring violent scenes display more violent shows. The recommendation relies on unsubstantiated relationship between two things.
First of all, The report said that through the survey around the nation, very young children who watch a great number of television shows more featuring violent behavior than do children who do not watch violent shows. Conclusion made by the report that the violent behavior of very young children is the result from violent can’t convince me. Very young children can show their active and animate nature which appears as very powerful energy and express their discontent and angry by a native action. And these actions appear violence. And how the reporter know that such young children understand the violent shows front of them. So this survey that the report cites can’t support that the television programmers reduce the violence shown during prime time.
Even assume that the report found powerful evidence prove that violent shows have bad effluence for very young children. But the report depend on the doubtful assumption that violence shown on television cause teenage crime. As all we know, the cause of teenage crime can be concerted for several reasons and expand to many field. The violence shows just a cause. The report makes a very unreasonable conclude that the increase of teenage crime is result of the increase of violent television. The report ignores other cause of teenager. Does the report dare to say that there would be no teenager crime in case of no violent show?
And the report’s advisement that TV programmers reduce the amount of violence shown during prime time seems useless. The television programmers took this advise and reduced the violent shows on prime time, but they could remove those violent shows to another time. The report made unreal assumption that children only watch television at the prime time. And nowadays children don’t have so much time to watch television, they spend their time on going to training school.
In sum, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the report must either modify the proposal to prove the relationship of television shows and teenager crime, or give powerful evidence to substantiate the violence shown on television actually has bad influence to children. And the author should give a more practice advise to television programmers to achieve the goal of reduce teenager crime

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The report concludes that the increase of the crimes committed by teenagers is resulted from the violence shown on television. To support this recommendation the report show two studies, one showing that the increase in teenage crime parallels the increase in violence shown on television, the other showing that teenagers who watch a great number of television shows featuring violent scenes display more violent shows. The recommendation relies on unsubstantiated relationship between two things.

First of all, The report said that through the survey around the nation, very young children who watch a great number of television shows more featuring violent behavior than do children who do not watch violent shows. Conclusion made by the report that the violent behavior of very young children is the result from violent can’t convince me. Very young children can show their active and animate nature which appears as very powerful energy and express their discontent and angry by a native action. And these actions appear violence. And how the reporter know that such young children understand the violent shows front of them. So this survey that the report cites can’t support that the television programmers reduce the violence shown during prime time. ( Children has super ability to imitate human beings behavior, even if they don’t understand why. So it looks that your have made a poor disproval.)

Even assume that the report found powerful evidence prove that violent shows have bad effluence for very young children. But the report depend on the doubtful assumption that violence shown on television cause teenage crime. As all we know, the cause of teenage crime can be concerted considered for several reasons and expand to many field. The violence shows just a cause. The report makes a very unreasonable conclude that the increase of teenage crime is result of the increase of violent television. The report ignores other cause of teenager. ( Would it be better if you give some examples of other reasons which cause the teenage crime? ) Does the report dare to say that there would be no teenager crime in case of no violent show?

And the report’s advisement that TV programmers reduce the amount of violence shown during prime time seems useless. The television programmers took this advise and reduced the violent shows on prime time, but they could remove those violent shows to another time. The report made unreal assumption that children only watch television at the prime time. And nowadays children don’t have so much time to watch television, they spend their time on going to training at school.( You have made a same mistake just as what you said above “the report depend on the doubtful assumption that violence shown on television cause teenage crime.” You have no evidence to support your point that nowadays children don’t have so much time to watch television, they spend their time on going to training at school. )

In sum, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the report must either modify the proposal to prove the relationship of television shows and teenager crime, or give powerful evidence to substantiate the violence shown on television actually has bad influence to children. And the author should give a more practice advise to television programmers to achieve the goal of reduce teenager crime.

总述：你的驳论文没有立论文写的好。缺少令人信服的驳论据。选择的驳论点有点站不住脚。不知道是不是赶出来的文章，里面有大量重复的语言，让人觉得很繁琐。

评语严苛了些，见谅哦，要加油哦~

[ 本帖最后由 zhyangel 于 2007-12-16 00:11 编辑 ]