argument15【Aero小组】第二次作业 by wizardz

wizardzUID: 2268761

This newsletter suggests that Old Dairy stockholders sell their shares and other investors not purchase stock in this company as the sales of Old Dairy foods are likely to decline. To support the suggestion, the newsletter cites a survey that over 80 percent of the respondents indicated a desire to reduce fat and cholesterol in intake from food. It also reveals that many of the food products of Old Dairy are high in fat and cholesterol and thus sales are likely to diminish. Close scrutiny of these facts, however, reveals that the suggestion is not convincing.
    According to the recent survey, over 80 percent of respondents indicated a desire to reduce their intake of foods containing fats and cholesterol and low-fat products abound in many food stores. As many of food products of Old Dairy are high in fat and cholesterol, the result of this survey might reveal a decline in Old Dairy profits. However, closer scrutiny might give other conclusions. The survey, if we consider reliable, have only found people's desire to change their diet.  But the fact is that these habits are hard to change, especially when we consider the tempting food that containing fat as chocolates and meat. Many people are clear about the effect of too much fat on our health, but the food containing fat consumed have hardly declined in history.
     If we really find that low-fat food is welcomed and foods containing fats and cholesterol are declining, Old Dairy products do not necessarily diminish. The newsletter fails to consider that fact that people might not take too much of the food from Old Dairy that the fats intake due to Old Dairy is not significant compared with other. Maybe the food offered by Old Dairy is a kind of snack food that most people do not eat them as meals. Thus, the fat and cholesterol intake would not be too much. Maybe people would focus more on the change of diet on their meals in terms of fat intake. The sales of Old Dairy still would not be affected.
     When people are really less likely to buy the food from Old Dairy, stockholder of Old Dairy can still gain profit. The newsletter might ignore the fact that the food products of Old Dairy are quite profitable and still attractive when there is limited market decline. Moreover, the company can invest and produce other kinds of food with their famous Old Dairy brand name. There are still great chances to gain profit if we carefully study where the company would like to use the invested money.
    In conclusion, the newsletter fails to consider the above mentioned facts their makes the suggestions unconvincing.

houyanchunUID: 2432949

argument15【Aero小组】第二次作业 by wizardz
This newsletter suggests that Old Dairy stockholders sell their shares and other investors not purchase stock in this company as the sales of Old Dairy foods are likely to decline. To support the suggestion, the newsletter cites a survey that over 80 percent of the respondents indicated a desire to reduce fat and cholesterol in intake from food. It also reveals (demonstrate/explain) that many of the food products of Old Dairy are high in fat and cholesterol and thus sales are likely to diminish. Close scrutiny of these facts, however, reveals that the suggestion is not convincing.
    According to the recent survey, over 80 percent of respondents indicated a desire to reduce their intake of foods containing fats and cholesterol and low-fat products abound in many food stores. As many of food products of Old Dairy are high in fat and cholesterol, the result of this survey might reveal a decline in Old Dairy profits. However, closer scrutiny might give other conclusions. The survey, if we consider reliable (reliability n), have only found (have found it is only a desire of people to.. ) people's desire to change their diet.  But the fact is that these habits are hard to change, especially when we consider the tempting food that containing fat as chocolates and meat. Many people are clear about the effect of too much fat on our health, but the food containing fat consumed have hardly declined in history.
     If we really find that low-fat food is welcomed and foods containing fats and cholesterol are declining, Old Dairy products do not necessarily diminish. The newsletter fails to consider that fact that people might not take too much of the food from Old Dairy that the fats intake due to Old Dairy is not significant compared with other. Maybe the food offered by Old Dairy is a kind of snack food that most people do not eat them as meals. Thus, the fat and cholesterol intake would not be too much. Maybe people would focus more on the change of diet on their meals in terms of fat intake. The sales of Old Dairy still would not be affected.
     When people are really less likely to buy the food from Old Dairy, stockholder of Old Dairy can still gain profit. The newsletter might ignore the fact that the food products of Old Dairy are quite profitable and still attractive when there is limited market decline. Moreover, the company can invest and produce other kinds of food with their famous Old Dairy brand name. There are still great chances to gain profit if we carefully study where the company would like to use the invested money.
    In conclusion, the newsletter fails to consider the above mentioned facts their makes the suggestions unconvincing.
加油，定时情况下能到如此程度，鼓励以下。
如果在每段开头能把柱论述点直接突出出来，思路就会更明确。个人意见，呵呵。

m2zhyUID: 2440721

    This newsletter suggests that Old Dairy stockholders sell their shares and other investors not purchase stock in this company as the sales of Old Dairy foods are likely to decline. To support the suggestion, the newsletter cites a survey that over 80 percent of the respondents indicated a desire to reduce fat and cholesterol in intake from food. It also reveals that many of the food products of Old Dairy are high in fat and cholesterol and thus sales are likely to diminish. Close scrutiny of these facts, however, reveals that the suggestion is not convincing. (首段提出论点，很明确，层次分明。赞~ )
    According to the recent survey, over 80 percent of respondents indicated a desire to reduce their intake of foods containing fats and cholesterol and low-fat products abound in many food stores. As many of food products of Old Dairy are high in fat and cholesterol, the result of this survey might reveal a decline in Old Dairy profits. However, closer scrutiny might give other conclusions. The survey, if we consider reliable, have only found people's desire to change their diet.  But the fact is that these habits are hard to change, especially when we consider the tempting food that containing fat as chocolates and meat. Many people are clear about the effect of too much fat on our health, but the food containing fat consumed have hardly declined in history. （以人们的愿望和喜好有差异为攻击点，不错，很好的攻击点~）
    If we really find that low-fat food is welcomed and foods containing fats and cholesterol are declining, Old Dairy products do not necessarily diminish. The newsletter fails to consider that fact that people might not take too much of the food from Old Dairy that the fats intake due to Old Dairy is not significant compared with other. Maybe the food offered by Old Dairy is a kind of snack food that most people do not eat them as meals. Thus, the fat and cholesterol intake would not be too much. Maybe people would focus more on the change of diet on their meals in terms of fat intake. The sales of Old Dairy still would not be affected. （这段攻击点找的很独特，我自己写的时候就没有想到这方面。值得学习~）
    When people are really less likely to buy the food from Old Dairy, stockholder of Old Dairy can still gain profit. The newsletter might ignore the fact that the food products of Old Dairy are quite profitable and still attractive when there is limited market decline. Moreover, the company can invest and produce other kinds of food with their famous Old Dairy brand name. There are still great chances to gain profit if we carefully study where the company would like to use the invested money.（这段从OD的角度出发，很好，很是赞同阿~）
In conclusion, the newsletter fails to consider the above mentioned facts their makes the suggestions unconvincing. （哇~好简洁啊~我不知道该怎么评论这个结尾了，感觉很有力，但又好像太简单了~）

总评：
    整体行文流畅，三方面攻击点找的都很准，论证的也很有力度，不错。但有点不足是，在结尾的时候，我觉得是不是该和首段呼应一下会比较好呢？当然，这个可能和个人写作风格有关系。


附：关于argument，本人就没做太多句子的分析，主要从逻辑上分析。有关句子分析，主要是在Issue里做详细分析。我在Issue里的句子分析应该不会让楼主失望的吧~


[ 本帖最后由 m2zhy 于 2007-12-22 22:24 编辑 ]