Issue152[AWER小组]第四次作业 by JasonDove

JasonDoveUID: 2322013

TOPIC: ISSUE152 - "The only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay within the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies."

The speaker claims that revenue should be priorly considered by the corporate executives on fundation that they stay within the law.I fundamentally agree with the speakers clamation.Moreover,I concede that a bussinessman who is really successful should have a high moral standard and social accountability.

Admittedly,profit is the most typical feature of bussiness and businessmen.No one would consider a bussinessman who fails to bring a sufficient number of revenues to his factory or corporate as successful or contributive.Thus,the original and most significant job of a corporate executive is to attract,maintain and expand revenues,profit,wealth for his or her company.These above would be their primary concern.And profit,on another sector,is the motivating force for a corporate to develop,enhence and grow.

Notwithstanding the foregoing analysis,although Carl Marx,in his great work Das Kapital,points out that the essence of commerce is to gain profit as much as possible.However,this is not to say businessmen should attain profit unscrupulously,regardless of the morality and benefit of others.A bussinessman or corporate merely concern about his own revenue would unquestionalbly loss in the intensively competing market.

For instance,Misubishi Motor had concealed a problem of breaking system of Pajero,one of its major products,before apologized to the public.And hundreds of car accidents happened because of the break error.After that,the company suffered from a great goods return,lost not only the contemporary market share but also the confidence of consumers.And also there is a good case suitable to be a counterexpemple.Bayor,one of the world's largest pharmaceutic companies annouced to public that the would cease the production of one of its major products,for reason that hazardous ingredient was contained.By doing so,the company would loss a large number of profit.However,it gains the support and understanding from public,which is more crucial and necessary to a long-term success.In short,every bussinessman should be in a legal and moral way and take the benefit of public to account while pursueing profit of their own.

In addtion,no matter how great and efficient a businessman or enterpriseur would be,their wealth all comes from the society.Concern about this fact,the businessman ,especially some big ,successful ones,have the responsibility to repay our society,this would evitably carry impetus on advancing of economy and provide more wealth to businessmen,in turn.Andrew Carnegie is the most proper one to be mentioned here.Andrew Carnegie,who is considered as the king of steel,provided 0.35 billion dollars to the society to establish more than 2800 libraries,that face public using.And Huo Yingdong,the most richest businessman in HongKong,donated his money and established a foudation to appropriate money to college teachers or researchers who is potentially do favor to the society.And a great many other examples to prove that it is good and necessary for businessmen to repay society .

In sum,I agree with the speaker on every aspects of his clamation.And moreover,I insist that a really successful businessman is that who really cares about his or her consumers and use a portion of his or her revenues to spark a boon for our society.

yubeckhamUID: 2331621

Issue152[AWER小组]第四次作业 by JasonDove

TOPIC: ISSUE152 - "The only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay within the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies."

The speaker claims that revenue should be priorly（primary） considered by the corporate executives on fundation（foundation） that they stay within the law. I fundamentally agree with the speakers clamation(应该是idea or view,没有clamation的).  Moreover, I concede that a bussinessman（businessman） who is really successful should have a high moral standard and social accountability.

Admittedly, profit is the most typical feature of business and businessmen. No one would consider a businessman who fails to bring a sufficient number of revenues to his factory or corporate as successful or contributive. Thus, the original and most significant job of a corporate executive is to attract, maintain and expand revenues, profit, wealth(一般三个并列即wealth前加and，这是一般的格式) for his or her company. These above would be their primary concern. And profit,on another sector, is the motivating force for a corporate（corporation） to develop, enhence and grow.

Notwithstanding the foregoing analysis, although Carl Marx, (这里那么多个转折啊？又NOTWITHSTANDING又ALTHOUGH，随便不要一个都可以)in his great work Das Kapital, points out that the essence of commerce is to gain profit as much as possible. However, this is not to say businessmen should attain profit unscrupulously, regardless of the morality and benefit of others. A businessman or corporation merely concern about his own revenue would unquestionalbly（unquestionably） loss in the intensively competing market.

For instance, Misubishi Motor had concealed a problem of breaking system of  Pajero, one of its major products, before apologized to the public. And hundreds of car accidents happened because of the break error.After that,the company suffered from a great goods return,lost not only the contemporary market share but also the confidence of consumers.And also there is a good case suitable to be a counterexpemple.(经常用AND和ALSO来连接好象不太好，可以用IN ADDITION和WHAT IS MORE等)Bayor,one of the world's largest pharmaceutics companies annouced（announmced） to public that the would cease the production of one of its major products, for reason that hazardous ingredient was contained. By doing so, the company would loss a large number of profit. However, it gains the support and understanding from public, which is more crucial and necessary to a long-term success. In short, every businessman should be in a legal and moral way and take the benefit of public to account while pursueing（pursuing） profit of their own.
我觉得第三段是第二段的例子，例子是不应该自己开一段的噢

In addtion,no matter how great and efficient a businessman or enterpriseur（enterpriser） would be, heir wealth all comes from the society. Concern (Concerning)about this fact,the businessman ,especially some big ,successful ones, have the responsibility to repay our society, this would evitably carry impetus on advancing of economy and provide more wealth to businessmen ,in turn. Andrew Carnegie is the most proper one to be mentioned here.Andrew Carnegie,who is considered as the king of steel, provided 0.35 billion dollars to the society to establish more than 2800 libraries,(不要逗号或者用WHICH) that face public using（好象用USING不太合适）.And Huo Yingdong,the most richest（呵呵，这里错得不应该喔）businessman in HongKong,donated his money and established a foudation to appropriate money to college teachers or researchers who is potentially do favor to the society.And a great many other examples to prove that it is good and necessary for businessmen to repay society .

In sum,I agree with the speaker on every aspects of his clamation.And moreover,I insist that a really successful businessman is that who really cares about his or her consumers and use a portion of his or her revenues to spark a boon for our society.

文章写得不错，特别是例子比较充足，还有几个小问题注意下
1单词拼写和语法
2文中AND用得太多，反而显得不和谐
3文中只有第二和第四段提出的两个观点，一般是不够的，起码要有3到4个观点
4多用复杂的句型


其他参考思路：
不太同意：在大多数情况下其实确保长远利益就够，但有些例外要考虑。
1．  利益是唯一的也是最大的驱动，对一公司来说。长远利益可以保证很多：
1）  竞争。提高服务和质量，降低价格，对顾客好。
2）  信誉。比如：附录
3）  员工。长远利益需要培训优秀素质的员工。比如：日本公司，终身雇佣制
4）  社会。需要打造好的形象。比如：M赞助世界杯小朋友；矿泉水，一瓶里一分捐助希望小学。
2．  但有些问题法律和利益都照顾不到：
1）  能源问题。过度开采石油
2）  环境问题。过度砍伐森林
3）  劳动力。一些歌手，艺人，工作辛苦，宣传，拍片，睡眠饮食不保证。歌手失声，演员什么盘突出。
原因在于，再长的长远利益也就最多定50年，长不了人生，所以还是不够长远，再长的问题就顾及不到。
   4）法律之外的社会问题。如网吧对青少年，网络游戏


[ 本帖最后由 yubeckham 于 2007-12-25 13:46 编辑 ]

lw19851028UID: 2438560

二楼修改的很好,我要补充的是你文章中有些地方用词不太准确,另外全文的条理还需要梳理一下.
个人愚见.