argument234[Areo小组]第三次作业

孑。。。UID: 2371205

argument234
The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.
"There is now evidence that the relaxed manner of living in small towns promotes better health and greater longevity than does the hectic pace of life in big cities. Businesses in the small town of Leeville report fewer days of sick leave taken by individual workers than do businesses in the nearby large city of Mason City. Furthermore, Leeville has only one physician for its one thousand residents, but in Mason City the proportion of physicians to residents is five times as high. And the average age of Leeville residents is significantly higher than that of Mason City residents. These findings suggest that people seeking longer and healthier lives should consider moving to small communities."





The argument recommends that in order to live a longer and healthier life, people should move to small communities. To justify the assertion, the author cites the data of days of sick leave taken by individual workers fewer than do business in a large city nearby. And the speaker assumes that the evidence of fewer physicians than the city can support his view that people in town live a healthier life. In addition, the speaker compare the average age of the city and the town with each other. However, as it stands, the argument suffers from several critical flaws.

In the first place, the speaker confuse the conception of number and proportion in the evidence that days of sick leave taken by workers in the town are fewer than those in the nearby city. The larger number of sick leave may simply result from the fact that the population in the city is larger, or there are more workers in the city than in the town.

In the second place, the number of physician has little relationship with the actual condition of the health of residents. It is certainly possible that fewer physicians only mean that each of them has to serve more patients. And the result of fewer physicians in the town may be just caused by a high salary in the city instead of the demand of residents in the town. If the number of physician has some relationship with the issue the speaker talking about, perhaps it can lead to a conclusion that the condition of medicine in the city is better, as there are more doctors.

In the third place, the average age of people does not necessarily lead to the real health condition of people. The mere fact that the average age of people in the town is higher may just account for a static statement now. As the speaker fail to provide us the specific information about the source of the data, I doubt that the emigration and immigration which the author ignore may influence the result. It is possible that when people getting old they would rather live in town than city to pursue a easy and light life, which lead to higher level of the average age in the town.

Besides, the arguer try to extract a general principle that living in small communities will ensure people longevity and health from a particular case, which I think is unwise.

Only if the author clarify that it is the proportion of sick leave in individual workers rather than only the number that are fewer in the town than that in the city, how the average age relate to the health condition, I won't accept the author's opinions. So as to substantiate the conclusion the author need provide evidences more valid and general instead of the physician number the author cites before to prove people living in small communities do lead a healthier life.

[ 本帖最后由 孑。。。 于 2007-12-27 08:49 编辑 ]

武寒UID: 2300087

The argument recommends that in order to live a longer and healthier life, people should move to small communities. To justify the assertion, the author cites the data of days of sick leave taken by individual workers fewer than do business (that) in a large city nearby. And the speaker assumes that the evidence of fewer physicians than the city can support his view that people in town live a healthier life. In addition, the speaker compares the average age of the city and the town with each other (delete). However, as it stands, the argument suffers from several critical flaws.
In the first place, the speaker confuses the conception of number and proportion in the evidence that days of sick leave taken by workers in the town are fewer than those in the nearby city. The larger number of sick leave may simply result from the fact that the population in the city is larger, or there are more workers in the city than in the town.
In the second place, the number of physician has little relationship with the actual condition of the health of residents. It is certainly possible that fewer physicians only mean that each of them has to serve more patients. And the result of fewer physicians in the town may be just caused by a high salary in the city instead of the demand of residents in the town. If the number of physician has some relationship with the issue the speaker talking about, perhaps it can lead to a conclusion that the condition of medicine in the city is better, as there are more doctors.
In the third place, the average age of people does not necessarily lead to the real health condition of people. The mere fact that the average age of people in the town is higher may just account for a static statement now. As the speaker fails to provide us the specific information about the source of the data, I doubt that the emigration and immigration which the author ignores may influence the result. It is possible that when people getting old they would rather live in town than city to pursue a easy and light life, which leads to higher level of the average age in the town.
Besides, the arguer try to extract a general principle that living in small communities will ensure people longevity and health from a particular case, which I think is unwise.
Only if the author clarifies that it is the proportion of sick leave in individual workers rather than only the number that are(is) fewer in the town than that in the city, and how the average age relate to the health condition, I won't (will) accept the author's opinions. So as to substantiate the conclusion the author needs to provide evidences more valid and general instead of the physician number the author cites before to prove people (delete) living in small communities do lead a healthier life.

逻辑很清楚，从比例、医生比例、缺勤率、盲目推广几个方面入手。

第一段，把每一个evidence 都列举了一遍，会不会有点罗索

最后一段可能有点匆忙了，还有一点就是要注意第三人称单数的动词变化。

[ 本帖最后由 武寒 于 2008-1-1 10:21 编辑 ]