issue5 |0806G-AW小组|第1次作业

lovexxnuUID: 2376964

Issue 5:

A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer.


As the development of society, we pay more and more attention on education today. The debate about best curriculum for students before they enter college, same national curriculum or ones determined by districts, is also hot and important. Neither of them can work well without the other one, since national curriculum is effective for foundation education while diversified curriculums are indispensable for students' various interests and cultures.

Same national curriculum plays an unsubstituted role on foundation education, since the most of basic skills for living in our society are the same and it is more feasible and effective to develop the common national culture by same curriculum. Firstly, everyone should be equipped by the basic living skills, such as reading, writing and mathematics. National compulsory curriculum can take more into consideration throughout the range of whole nation rather than limited local sight and provide a common plat for students' future development impartially. And some of the districts are unable to develop curriculum well, it will lead to imbalance on foundation education and aggravate other gaps such as economics and culture. It can also benefit the most students but not just ones in developed districts and supply a common criterion to evaluate students from different states. Moreover, it has the most abundant resource, including the best teachers and experts, which drastically contribute to developing an effective education. Secondly, education plays a dominant role on cultivating national sense which is the key for nation's unification and stability. Different educations without basic common would cause various conflicts in future. It is hardly to get along well with each other who acquired a totally ambivalent education. The most of conflicts between eastern and western are derived from different culture education. So curriculums absolutely determined by districts would impact the society's stability.

However, individuals' interests, which might be dominant for their coming success, are more possible to be discouraged by absolutely uniform curriculum, since none of one kind of curriculum can well consider them all. For example, Jingrun Chen, one of the most famous mathematicians in China, was only good at mathematics dramatically and can hardly to be deemed as a good student due to his poor reading and any other courses. But his talent on mathematics impressed his name on math's history because of his contribution to Goldbach's Conjecture. It can be seen that just as the advantage on promoting basic education, uniform curriculum has the apparent disadvantage on disencouraging individuals' interest. Actually it is necessary for educators to provide sufficient conditions for the development of students' interests. Thus, diversified courses encountering student's interests should be developed by districts and schools themselves. Then ones like Picasso could attend more arts courses in their early education and founded a solid ground for their further study. So districts also have the right and responsibility to develop some courses to foster and satisfy students' interests.

The diversified cultures in different districts and religions should also be taken into consideration in education and it is hard to be achieved by uniform national education. Different districts have their own culture characteristics which should be inherited and respected. If people in some districts loved singing and dancing, it is natural that more related courses should be provided. And students with different religious also have the right to take courses on their own background. More other similar matters such as differences on economic and political condition can not be solved by uniform curriculum. It is more effective for curriculum determined by districts is to overcome the distinctions in different schools because of its flexibility.

To sum up, national curriculum and districts' ones are both indispensable for the best education and should be associated with each other. Uniform national curriculum is the basic, while districts' ones are significant for advocating individuals' interests and well considering districts' condition and requirements. They should play their own roles well.

words (644)

[ 本帖最后由 lovexxnu 于 2008-1-1 22:22 编辑 ]

liuchun1987UID: 2398171

中间一段，local education和发展individual interest缺乏联系吧~~

lovexxnuUID: 2376964

原帖由 liuchun1987 于 2008-1-1 20:29 发表
中间一段，local education和发展individual interest缺乏联系吧~~

恩 说的有道理，

lovexxnuUID: 2376964

哎 不是要我自己改吧。。。

guomin1437UID: 2411571

可能你写的太好了,待会我斗胆改一下
A就不行了,逻辑一点都不通

guomin1437UID: 2411571

A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer.


As the development of society, we pay more and more attention on education today. The debate about best curriculum for students before they enter college, same national curriculum or ones determined by districts,(这个限制性定语放在前面好理解一些,不然还以为是about引导的三个短语呢) is also hot and important.(这句话有点头重脚轻的味道,前面好多东西,后面就一个hot和important,本身这两个词的意思就很笼统,结果就感觉有点苍白无力了,后面加点修饰以及换一下形容词) Neither of them can work well without the other one, since national curriculum is effective for foundation education while diversified curriculums are indispensable for students' various interests and cultures.(这个句子很精彩,佩服前辈)
整个论点的提出很有层次感,但感觉论点的提出不明确,具体就是指Neither of them can work well without the other one我们都能理解两者都重要,但是它到这个意思还有一步之遥,就是两者不能离开谁而很好的服务并不是两者都重要的另一种说法,不知意下如何?

Same national curriculum plays an unsubstituted role on foundation education, since the most of basic skills for living in our society are the same and it is more feasible and effective to develop the common national culture by same curriculum. Firstly, everyone should be equipped by the basic living skills, such as reading, writing and mathematics. National compulsory curriculum can take more into consideration(要不要使用被动语态) throughout the range of whole nation rather than limited local sight and (若前面是被动,这里感觉最好加个also,为语态的转折做个缓冲)provide a common plat for students' future development impartially. (少个句子吧,前面说着共同的课程,到这里有点直接,可不可加if the local curriculum is adopted之类的话) And (改成for或者你的习惯since)some of the districts are unable to develop curriculum well, it will lead to imbalance on foundation education and aggravate other gaps such as economics(economy?) and culture. It (it你是指curriculum吗,但前面的it是指代的那句话)can also benefit the most students but not(换成not only?) just ones in developed districts and supply a common criterion to evaluate students from different states. Moreover, it(不明确) has the most abundant resource, including the best teachers and experts, which drastically contribute to developing an effective education. Secondly, education plays a dominant role on cultivating national sense which is the key for nation's unification and stability. Different educations without basic common would cause various conflicts in future. It is hardly to get along well with each other who acquired a totally (用词太绝对,适可而止)ambivalent education. The most of conflicts between eastern and western are derived from different culture education.(证据是不是有点扩大了,大到了worldwide,不知这样好不好) So curriculums absolutely determined by districts would impact the society's stability.
上面一段的议论基本上都是水到渠成,而且正反对比,说服力比较好,几乎无挑剔的地方

However, individuals' interests, which might be dominant for their coming success, are more possible to be discouraged by absolutely uniform curriculum, since none of one kind of curriculum can well consider them all. For example, Jingrun Chen, one of the most famous mathematicians in China, was only good at mathematics dramatically and can hardly (少谓语吗?)to be deemed as a good student due to his poor reading and any other courses. But his talent on mathematics impressed his name on math's history because of his contribution to Goldbach's Conjecture.(用现代式好些吧,这是个事实) It can be seen that just as the advantage on promoting basic education, uniform curriculum has the apparent disadvantage on discouraging (两个否定,是不是)individuals' interest. Actually it is necessary for educators to provide sufficient conditions(condition条件讲时是必不可少的那种,这里最好用resource之类的,你说呢) for the development of students' interests. Thus, diversified courses encountering student's interests should be developed by districts and schools themselves. Then ones like Picasso could attend more arts courses in their early education and founded (found)a solid ground for their further study. So districts also have the right and responsibility to develop some courses to foster and satisfy students' interests.
这段也不错,就是论点的提出不直接,你的主语是interests of students,只是说学生的兴趣被common curriculum 抑制,而没有直接说common 没有local 更加激发学生的兴趣,让人误以为你是在谈论学生的interests

The diversified cultures in different districts and religions should also be taken into consideration in education and it is hard to be achieved by uniform national education.( 换成curriculum determined by districts rather than uniform national education might play an incentive function in the development of the diversified cultures in different districts and religions 我感觉这样更醒目些) Different districts have their own culture characteristics which should be inherited and respected. If people in some districts loved singing and dancing, it is natural that more related courses should be provided. And students with different religious also have the right to take courses on their own background. More other similar matters such as differences on economic and political condition (which)can not be solved by uniform curriculum.(might be mitigated through the setting of curriculum by different districts是不是好些 ) It is more effective for curriculum determined by districts is to overcome the distinctions in different schools because of its flexibility.
这段也很好,见谅了,鸡蛋里挑了点骨头

To sum up, national curriculum and districts' ones are both (这样感觉别扭,换成both前提好些吗)indispensable for the best education and should be associated with each other. Uniform national curriculum is the basic, while districts' ones are significant for advocating individuals' interests and well considering districts' condition and requirements. They should play their own roles well.
通篇文章感觉都很好,不论是句子和段落,句子层次明确,连词运用恰当醒目,段落主次分明,让步到位,感觉很好,收获很大, 师兄上一次AW肯定不低吧

lovexxnuUID: 2376964

谢谢guomin1437啊, 太抬举我了, 可能是我批别人狠了一些吧 给大家一个强人的假象, 郁闷
其实我很水的,不过就是原来写过一些,不象刚入手罢了, 大家写一些以后肯定比我写的好

希望打击狠批,不狠不能进步啊. 等一下就按你的意见改一下, 谢谢

拍作业就要找缺点,越狠越好 :)

[ 本帖最后由 lovexxnu 于 2008-1-3 11:43 编辑 ]

lovexxnuUID: 2376964

修改以后,把第二段整体换掉了,不过还是有些不通,感觉第3段已经包含了第2段的意思但是不想该了,再改就要大换了,

谢谢guomin的意见啊,改的几个句子很不错... 加油!

As the development of society, we pay more and more attention on education today. Same national curriculum or ones determined by districts, the debate about best curriculum for students before they enter college is also becoming prevalent as a significant part of modern education. Actually, Neither of them can work well without the other one and they should be designed as a unity to well play their advantages respectively, since national curriculum is effective for foundation education while diversified curriculums are indispensable for districts’ various advantages and culture. (这个句子很精彩,佩服前辈)
整个论点的提出很有层次感,但感觉论点的提出不明确,具体就是指Neither of them can work well without the other one我们都能理解两者都重要,但是它到这个意思还有一步之遥,就是两者不能离开谁而很好的服务并不是两者都重要的另一种说法,不知意下如何?

Same national curriculum plays an unsubstituted role on foundation education, since the most of basic skills for living in our society are the same and it is more feasible and effective to develop the common national culture by same curriculum. Firstly, everyone should be equipped by the basic living skills, such as reading, writing and mathematics. National compulsory curriculum can take more into consideration(要不要使用被动语态) throughout the range of whole nation rather than limited local sight and (若前面是被动,这里感觉最好加个also,为语态的转折做个缓冲)it also provides a common plat for students' future development impartially. (少个句子吧,前面说着共同的课程,到这里有点直接,可不可加if the local curriculum is adopted之类的话) And it is possible that (改成for或者你的习惯since)some of the districts are unable to develop curriculum well, it will lead to imbalance on foundation education and aggravate other gaps such as economy and culture. The same national curriculum can benefit the most students not only ones in developed districts and supply a common criterion to evaluate students from different states. Moreover, nation has the most abundant resource, including the best teachers and experts, which drastically contribute to developing an effective education. Secondly, education plays a dominant role on cultivating national sense which is the key for nation's unification and stability. Different educations without basic common would cause various conflicts in future. It is hardly to get along well with each other who acquired an ambivalent education. The most of conflicts between southern and northern are derived from different culture education.(证据是不是有点扩大了,大到了worldwide,不知这样好不好) So curriculums absolutely determined by districts would impact the society's stability.
上面一段的议论基本上都是水到渠成,而且正反对比,说服力比较好,几乎无挑剔的地方

However, thorough national curriculum will discourage district's initiative and cause a waste of local education resource. It is unthinkable that ones can perform well by the policies which exclude his will. If local educators, who were the most familiar with local students and education conditions, only performed as actors rather than some of directors, it is impossible for them to fully play their roles. And every district has the advantages which can not be covered by any kind of curriculum alone. For example, developed districts with a good economic condition can provide more instruments and better study environment to students, but districts with a long history are able to offer students more traditional culture and thick learning atmosphere. They both need some additional courses besides national curriculum to fully play their function. The former ones can develop more experiment and engineering courses and the later ones should add some more history and literature courses. It is obvious that uniform curriculum can not apply all the education resource well. Thus curriculum determined by districts should also be involved.

Curriculum determined by districts rather than uniform national education plays an incentive function in the development of the diversified cultures in different districts and religions. Different districts have their own culture characteristics which should be inherited and respected. If people in some districts loved singing and dancing, it is natural that more related courses should be provided. And students with different religious also have the right to take courses on their own background. More other similar matters such as differences on economic and political condition which are difficult to be solved by uniform curriculum can be mitigated through setting curriculum according to each district’s characteristics respectively. It is more effective for curriculum determined by districts themselves to overcome the distinctions in different schools because of its flexibility.
这段也很好,见谅了,鸡蛋里挑了点骨头

To sum up, both of the national curriculum and districts' ones are indispensable for the best education and should be associated with each other. Uniform national curriculum is the basic, meanwhile, districts' ones are significant for well applying local advantages and encounter different requirements in each district. They should play their own roles well.

[ 本帖最后由 lovexxnu 于 2008-1-3 15:05 编辑 ]

guomin1437UID: 2411571

呵呵,还是您更加勤奋,我一直想把批后的文章改出来,但是太懒惰,而且时间紧,各科都要考试,就一直搁了