Argument3 /0806G-AW小组第1次作业/

barentsUID: 2310751

TOPIC: ARGUMENT3 - The following appeared in a newspaper article about law firms in the city of Megalopolis.

"In Megalopolis, the number of law school graduates who went to work for large, corporate firms declined by 15 percent over the last three years, whereas an increasing number of graduates took jobs at small, general practice firms. Even though large firms usually offer much higher salaries, law school graduates are choosing to work for the smaller firms most likely because they experience greater job satisfaction at smaller firms. In a survey of first-year students at a leading law school, most agreed with the statement that earning a high salary was less important to them than job satisfaction. This finding suggests that the large, corporate firms of Megalopolis will need to offer graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of hours they must work."
WORDS: 401          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2007-12-31 0:42:53

In the article the author states that in the city of Megalopolis, more law school graduate are choosing to go to small, general practice firms rather than the large, corporate firms despite of the higher salaries offered by the large firms. The evidences provided seems persuading however under closer scrutinizing, the whole article is evidently logically flawed and unevenly placed.
The author provides his most convincing statistic at the very first of the article claiming that the in the past 3 years the number of law school graduates employed by large firms has declined a steady 15 percent, nevertheless the number can be tricky. The decline in numbers does not necessarily evidence the preference of the graduates. Instead it is quite possible that the large firms in the city of Megalopolis are suffering from economic recession and had to down the number of its employees. Although meanwhile graduates are increasingly employed by small firms neither can we hastily draw the conclusion that graduates are favoring them to the large ones. The fierce competition in large firm employment can also lead to the existing situation.
Following the statistics, the author concludes that the reason why this happens is that graduates enjoy more about job satisfaction than decent income. To prove his assumption, he cited a survey among the first year students at a leading law school. Though the result agreed with his idea, the survey itself is not convincing. The fact that the students covered in the survey were only from the leading law school in the city clearly compromises its legitimacy in representing the students in the whole city. Further more, it's highly likely that students may change their belief in college. They may think they prefer job satisfaction when they were fresh out of high school, but it's also commonplace that in the last year of college people become practical and would rather choose better income.
Although the fact showed that the number of graduates going to large firms significantly declined while small firms were attracting more graduates than ever, the author still didn't provide suffice evidence leading to the conclusion that large, corporate firms of the city will need to offer graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of hours they must work. More statistics on the economic background of the whole city as well as better planned surveys are needed to make the whole article impeccable.

第一次写的。。。真的开始写了才发现问题好多。。。 字数也不是很够。。。谢谢大家啦～～

[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2008-1-5 13:26 编辑 ]

最後の使徒UID: 2257608

In the article the author states that in the city of Megalopolis, more law school graduate are choosing to go to small, general practice firms rather than the large, corporate firms despite of the higher salaries offered by the large firms. The evidences provided seems persuading however under closer scrutinizing, the whole article is evidently logically flawed and unevenly placed.

The author provides his most convincing statistic at the very first of the article claiming that the in the past 3 years the number of law school graduates employed by large firms has declined a steady 15 percent, nevertheless the number can be tricky.(这里可以另起一句,强调后面的内容. the number指代不清楚, 用declined之类的修饰下会比较好) The decline in numbers(还有increased呢? 这个词不能很好的概括你所想表达的意思, 可能用unbalanced trends之类的会比较精确) does not necessarily evidence the preference of the graduates. Instead it is quite possible that the large firms in the city of Megalopolis are suffering from economic recession and had to down the number of its employees.(可能性只列出一个而且不给推断背景就显得没有说服力, 而这里也没什么背景好说, 那么再谈谈大公司饱和, 招聘标准变高之类的就能使论述更全面了) Although meanwhile graduates are increasingly employed by small firms(,) neither can we hastily draw the conclusion that graduates are favoring them to the large ones.(why? 这句话和前面的话在逻辑上没有直接的联系--补充上他们不是因为喜好而是因为机会限制而更多去了小公司, 等等解释) The fierce competition in large firm employment can also lead to the existing situation.(how? 很笼统的论调, 对你的论证没有什么帮助, 如果是因为学生害怕竞争觉得压力大的话, 那么他们还是愿意去小公司的, 这个论据只能放到后面一层逻辑假设的批驳上用)

Following the statistics, the author concludes that the reason why this happens is that graduates enjoy more about job satisfaction than decent income. To prove his assumption, he cited a survey among the first year students at a leading law school. Though the result agreed with his idea, the survey itself is not convincing. The fact that the students covered in the survey were only from the leading law school in the city clearly compromises its legitimacy in representing the students in the whole city.(how? 把话说完啊, 其它学校的学生可能就不是这么想的, 领先法学院的学生更有追求因为他们的收入已经有了保证, 而普通的则没有) Further more, it's highly likely that students may change their belief in college.(那个first-year需要再点出一下, 不然不知道你这里是指着什么攻击的) They may think they prefer job satisfaction when they were fresh out of high school, but it's also commonplace that in the last year of college people become practical and would rather choose better income.

Although the fact showed that the number of graduates going to large firms significantly declined while small firms were attracting more graduates than ever, the author still didn't provide suffice evidence leading to the conclusion that large, corporate firms of the city will need to offer graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of hours they must work. More statistics on the economic background of the whole city as well as better planned surveys are needed to make the whole article impeccable.

文章本身没什么问题, 一一说明错误, 论证也比较标准, 虽然在具体的论证环节上还需要更完整些. 语言没问题.

致命的缺陷是没有中心, 少了一个最重要的攻击点. 可以看一下以前IMONG对于ARGUMENT的中心句的论断以及前人对ARGUMENT整体性的说法. 由于没有中心, 此文各段只是简单的按时间顺序罗列观点, 而没有形成段段照应.

一般ARGUMENT题目都会有个总结, 多为建议, 比如这题的最后一句:This finding suggests that the large, corporate firms of Megalopolis will need to offer graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of hours they must work. 也就是说全题是为了证明最后这个建议的, 所以文章可以以这个为最终攻击点把各个攻击点串起来, 而这个建议的错误也非常明显, benefits incentives work hours跟自己满足差的很远, 完全可以再写出一段来. 而之前的论证则可以用层层让步进行联系.

总体而言LZ已经把握了ARGUMENT的写作思路, 建议多进行提纲写作, 也可以看看以往的同主题写作的分析,  了解ARGUMENT的破题方式, 相信会有很大提高的.