argument26 [aero小组] 第四次作业 by liuyingbnu

liuyingbnuUID: 2321970

TOPIC: ARGUMENT26 - The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.

"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
WORDS: 421          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2008-1-2 11:03:16

The author highly recommends that Mr. Schade should be employed to plan and direct the general music education programs for Saluda school. To bolster his proposal, he cited Mr. Schade's working experience as music director at Steel City(SC) high school. Also, he applied to the enhanced quality of music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments there. Reasonable as such a claim might be, careful examination may reveals that, however, the argument suffers from a series of logic flaws and the evidence cited are doubtful. Therefore, the claim is unpersuasive as it stands.
Firstly, the argument relies on the assumption that SC high school's success is gained after Mr. Schade came to his occupation there. However, the author fails to provide sufficient information to support it. It is not clear that this school band had never attained such prizes before. Probably, the time when Mr. Schade came, they have already established outstanding reputation and got several prizes. The author fails to rule out such a possibility.
Secondly, even assuming the school band has never attained such wonderful success before Mr. Schade came; it does not indicate that it is Mr. Schade who is responsible for the success. There can be other factors available. Perhaps, the school fixes more attention to music education or recruits more students with music talent in these years. Without ruling out all the cases above, the author could never come to the conclusion that the success was ascribed to Mr. Schade.
Further, the mere fact that the quality of music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments there has improved dramatically lends little credence to the author's claim, for he does not provide the sufficient information that such a phenomenon is relevant to Mr. Schade.
Last but not least, the job in Saluda school is quite different from what Mr.Schade has ever taken in SC high school. The former requires a perspective and ability of controlling the whole situation while the latter requires concrete work on specific task. The distinguished types of work can seldom be generalized. Consequently, the author can never infer that Mr. Schade can also attain success in Saluda school. Further, we have no idea whether there are other candidates who can be better choices. Consequently, the author hastily concludes that Mr. Schade is the best choice.
To sum up, the argument is somewhat unpersuasive. In order to persuade me to trust such a recommendation, the author should provide clearer evidence on Mr. Schade other than anyone else is responsible for the school's success in music and that he is also good at controlling the whole situation. Further, he should also introduce the very person is the best choices among the candidates. Otherwise, still will I keep doubt it.
这次限时写的，质量不高啦，大家指正～谢谢:loveliness:

sheldenUID: 2338299

"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."WORDS: 421          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2008-1-2 11:03:16The author highly recommends that Mr. Schade should be employed to plan and direct the general music education programs for Saluda school. To bolster his proposal, he cited Mr. Schade's working experience as music director at Steel City(SC) high school. Also, he applied to the enhanced quality of music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments there. Reasonable as such a claim might be好可爱的倒状句 不过仔细推敲 这个是个意义不大的让步 ”虽然可能是有理由的”不如说“虽然看起来是有理由的” 因为事实上就是没理由, careful examination may reveals（reveal） that, however, the argument suffers from a series of logic flaws and the evidence cited are doubtful. Therefore, the claim is unpersuasive as it stands.
我建议第一段简略  毕竟不是主体  也不是主要拿分点
Firstly, the argument relies on the assumption that SC high school's success is gained after Mr. Schade came to his occupation there. However, the author fails to provide sufficient information to support it. It is not clear that this school band had never attained such prizes before. Probably, the time when Mr. Schade came, they have already established outstanding reputation and got several prizes. The author fails to rule out such a possibility.
以前拿过奖了  现在拿奖就不再是功劳了吗？ 只是不是那么重大业绩  这段找的错有点轻

Secondly, even assuming the school band has never attained such wonderful success before Mr. Schade came; it does not indicate that it is Mr. Schade who is responsible for the success. There can be other factors available. Perhaps, the school fixes more attention to music education or recruits more students with music talent in these years. Without ruling out all the cases above, the author could never come to the conclusion that the success was ascribed to Mr. Schade.

Further, the mere fact that the quality of music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments there has improved dramatically lends little credence to the author's claim, for he does not provide the sufficient information that such a phenomenon is relevant to Mr. Schade.
作为主要论述段之一 这段单薄了

Last but not least, the job in Saluda school is quite different from what Mr.Schade has ever taken in SC high school. The former requires a perspective and ability of controlling the whole situation while the latter requires concrete workon specific task. The distinguished types of work can seldom be generalized. Consequently, the author can never infer that Mr. Schade can also attain success in Saluda school. Further, we have no idea whether there are other candidates who can be better choices. Consequently, the author hastily concludes that Mr. Schade is the best choice.

To sum up, the argument is somewhat unpersuasive. In order to persuade me to trust such a recommendation, the author should provide clearer evidence on Mr. Schade other than anyone else is responsible for the school's success in music and that he is also good at controlling the whole situation. Further, he should also introduce the very person is the best choices among the candidates. Otherwise, still will I keep doubt it.又是一个可爱的倒状

卡时的作品
很棒了
词汇的丰富是你的一大优势！