ARGUMENT8 【Aero小组】第5次作业

m2zhyUID: 2440721

非限时作文，请大力的拍吧~ （感觉写不出来了，七拼八凑才弄出一篇文章来，想哭啊~55555~）
The following appeared in a memorandum issued by the strategic planning department at Omni Inc.
"Mesa Foods, a manufacturer of snack foods that currently markets its products within a relatively small region of the country, has strong growth potential. Mesa enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year, and its best-selling product, Diabolique Salsa, has had increased sales over each of the past three years. Since Omni Inc. is interested in reaching 14-to-25 year olds, the age group that consumes the most snack food, we should buy Mesa Foods, and concentrate in particular on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country."


The arguer suggest Omni Inc.(OI) should buy Mesa Foods(MF) and concentrate on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country for the reason that he think this measure could bring profits to the company.  

First, the arguer asserts that MF’s foods could be marketed throughout the country, especially Diabolique Salsa. Yet, there is no evidence to support this assertion. The fact that MF enjoys the increasing sales of its foods, mainly of Diabolique Salsa, just in a relatively small region of the country, may only indicate that MF’s foods fit local people’s taste, while it is suspicious whether the others over the country could accept and enjoy the foods. It is unwarranted to make the plan to concentrate on marketing Diabolique Salsa over the country just basing on the simplified information above.

Similarly, the arguer assumes that MF’ snack foods products could appeal to 14-to-25 year olds whom Omni Inc is interested in reaching. However, there is no information to support this assumption. We are not informed what types of snake foods MF produces and what age groups of MF’s consumers. It is entirely possible that MF’s foods, including Diabolique Salsa, are some kinds of local snake foods and appeal primarily to other age groups. If so, it would hardly serve OI’s business goal.

Thirdly, the fact that MF has enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year and its best-selling product, Diabolique Salsa, has had increased sales over each of the past three years, lends little support to the argument. Because the memo does not provide sufficient information about whether the increasing sales last year are attribute to MF’s foods or others factors like investment, and whether Diabolique Salsa’s profits is the leading portion of MF’s whole sales. Without information above and about MF’s sales status over one year ago, it is unfair to predict that MF would enjoy an increase in profits in the future.   

Finally, even if all of above issues have been brought to close, combination of enterprise might be a new issue. There will be various problems must be faced to, such as the impact of enterprise culture, business management, and business domains. Even the two companies has great profits of their own before combination, it is difficult to affirm that the new combined firm could maintain the profits.

To sum up, the memo fails to provide more sufficient evidence to support the recommendation.    Without these evidences, the suggestion that buying MF could bring profits for OI, is not persuasive. The argument could be improved by providing more detail evidence about MF and OI’s products, consumers, management and business field and so on.

sheldenUID: 2338299

The arguer suggest Omni Inc.(OI) should buy Mesa Foods(MF) and concentrate on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country for the reason that he thinks this measure could bring profits to the company.  


First, the arguer asserts that MF’s foods could be marketed throughout the country, especially Diabolique Salsa. Yet, there is no evidence to support this assertion. The fact that MF enjoys the increasing sales of its foods, mainly of Diabolique Salsa, just in a relatively small region of the country, may only indicate that MF’s foods fit local people’s taste, while it is suspicious whether the others over the country could accept and enjoy the foods. It is unwarranted to make the plan to concentrate on marketing Diabolique Salsa over the country just basing on the simplified information above.


Similarly, the arguer assumes that MF’ snack foods products could appeal to 14-to-25 year olds whom Omni Inc is interested in reaching. However, there is no information to support this assumption. We are not informed what types of snake foods MF produces and what age groups of MF’s consumers. It is entirely possible that MF’s foods, including Diabolique Salsa, are some kinds of local snake foods and appeal primarily to other age groups. If so, it would hardly serve OI’s business goal.


Thirdly, the fact that MF has enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year and its best-selling product, Diabolique Salsa, has had increased sales over each of the past three years, lends little support to the argument. Because the memo does not provide sufficient information about whether the increasing sales last year are attribute to MF’s foods or others factors like investment, and whether Diabolique Salsa’s profits is the leading portion of MF’s whole sales. Without information above and about MF’s sales status over one year ago, it is unfair to predict that MF would enjoy an increase in profits in the future.   


Finally, even if all of above issues have been brought to close??介绍一下这个用法, combination of enterprise might be a new issue. There will be various problems must be faced to, such as the impact of enterprise culture, business management, and business domains. Even the two companies has great profits of their own before combination, it is difficult to affirm that the new combined firm could maintain the profits.


To sum up, the memo fails to provide more sufficient evidence to support the recommendation. Without these evidences, the suggestion that buying MF could bring profits for OI, is not persuasive. The argument could be improved by providing more detailed evidence about MF and OI’s products, consumers, management and business field and so on.

其实还是不错的  楼主不用着急了  提个个建议  
论证方法单一了点 单薄了点  就第三段  去掉第一句和最后一句这种模版话  中间就一句论证
好句
The fact that MF enjoys the increasing sales of its foods, mainly of Diabolique Salsa, just in a relatively small region of the country, may only indicate that MF’s foods fit local people’s taste, while it is suspicious whether the others over the country could accept and enjoy the foods.
分析  主语从句 插入语 状从  恩  挺好挺清楚的长句

词
Simplified information 呵呵  这个词我用的挺少 觉得不错
We are not informed 同上

m2zhyUID: 2440721

bring the issue to close 想表达的意思是“把问题解决掉”
自己对这个表达不敢肯定，也持怀疑态度
不知道应该怎样表达才更合理？:confused:

saavedroUID: 2423190

The arguer suggest Omni Inc.(OI) should buy Mesa Foods(MF) and concentrate on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country for the reason that he think this measure could bring profits to the company.  (这里只是用了一个长句来复述了原因方法和一个reason引导的从句说明了结论。虽然这个长句很有气势，但是可惜的是却没有指出作者这个结论有缺陷啊？？）这是大忌，一定要指出错误来。否则下面的论证便没有力度了和立场了！！！

First, the arguer asserts that MF’s foods could be marketed throughout the country, especially Diabolique Salsa. Yet, there is no evidence to support this assertion. The fact that MF enjoys the increasing sales of its foods, mainly of Diabolique Salsa, just in a relatively small region of the country, may only indicate that MF’s foods fit local people’s taste, while it is suspicious whether the others over the country could accept and enjoy the foods. It is unwarranted to make the plan to concentrate on marketing Diabolique Salsa over the country just basing on the simplified information（又一个好的同义替换） above.

Similarly, the arguer assumes that MF’ snack foods products could appeal to 14-to-25 year olds whom Omni Inc is interested in reaching. However, there is no information to support this assumption. We are not informed what types of snake foods MF produces and what age groups of MF’s consumers. It is entirely possible that MF’s foods, including Diabolique Salsa, are some kinds of local snake foods and appeal primarily to（好的替换词组） other age groups. If so, it would hardly serve OI’s business goal.

Thirdly, the fact that MF has enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year and its best-selling product, Diabolique Salsa, has had increased sales over each of the past three years, lends little support to the argument. Because the memo does not provide sufficient information about whether the increasing sales last year are attribute to MF’s foods or others factors like investment, and whether Diabolique Salsa’s profits is the leading portion of MF’s whole sales.（好句子） Without information above and about MF’s sales status（身份？能这么用吗？情况还是用condition or situation比较保险些，你的这种用法我也是第一个见？） over one year ago,（前面不是有一年前的销售情况吗？—） it is unfair to predict that MF would enjoy an increase in profits in the future.   

Finally, even if all of above issues have been brought to close,（bring to close??不知道这个用法？似乎不是书面语言吧？还是换一换好些） combination of enterprise might be a new issue. There will be various problems must be faced to, such as the impact of enterprise culture（不要用影响，最好用冲突，更直接！conflict,clash）, business management, and business domains. Even the two companies has great profits of their own before combination, it is difficult to affirm that the new combined firm could maintain the profits.（这段的假设论证很新颖啊，赞语言写的也很到位）

To sum up, the memo fails to provide more sufficient evidence to support the recommendation.    Without these evidences, the suggestion that buying MF could bring profits for OI, is not persuasive. The argument （also)could be improved by providing more detail evidence about MF and OI’s products, consumers, management and business field and so on.

总体来说还是不错的，只是一些小的细节还要注意一下，姐姐你的文章我不敢再语法上说什么了，只是觉得你的句子结构变化少一些，当然保险是第一位的，下回你来了我接着听你的语法课，呵呵！~~~~~~~~~



佳句：The arguer suggest Omni Inc.(OI) should buy Mesa Foods(MF) and concentrate on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country for the reason that he think this measure could bring profits to the company.           参考翻译：作者建议OI公司应该买下MF并且集中推销到DS这个食品到全国领域，这是因为他认为这项举措能够给公司带来利润收益。  这句话位于文章开头，虽不是难句，但是确实长句给读者一种很有气势的感觉。而且中间的结构 for the reason that 这个结构很想新概念3中的一个长句中的结构 好像是： just for privilege of.......    用for表原因的原因状语从句。

        Because the memo does not provide sufficient information about whether the increasing sales last year are attribute to MF’s foods or others factors like investment, and whether Diabolique Salsa’s profits is the leading portion of MF’s whole sales.
       参考翻译：因为memo中没有提供充足的信息关于是否在去年的销售增长该归因于MF食品或者其他的原因比如说投资，或者是否DS的利润引领了MF整个销售的部分比例？


词组：  simplified information       appeal primarily to 正宗北美范文的用法 = take primary interest in

m2zhyUID: 2440721

我汗~
我不是语法大牛啊:funk:
我连范文都还没背，都快要急死啦