issue150 『jet小组』 第五次作业

月亮熬的汤UID: 2382325

Issue 150: Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.
WORDS: 607      TIME:          DATE: 2008-2-12

In this ever-changing society, the popularity of television and worldwide computer connections is increasing in an amazing speed. But will the popularity of the two result in, as the author asserts, that tourism becomes obsolete for the reason that people now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited? While admitting that it is true in some circumstance, we should examine it more carefully on a case-by-case basis.

It is undeniable that thanks to the help of television and worldwide computer connections, the world becomes smaller and smaller, the widespread phrase "global village" is a manifestation of this phenomenon. It was very difficult for ancient people to know much about a place they had never visited merely based on hearsays and stories. But for modern people, television and computer connections show every places in great depth with beautiful pictures, attractive videos and interesting explanations, which give rise to that people nowadays can know a place in detail without ever been there.

As a result, many people's tendency for tourism is truly decreasing for they would rather stay at home watch attractive TV shows and surf on the Internet to get the information about beautiful places. As we all know, it is sometimes quite tiring and annoying to go for a trip. In the tourist attractions, there are always an amazing amount of people, the price for food and water will be shocking high, and at night you have to stay in a unfamiliar hotel where many people will have a problem falling asleep. What's more, a lot of time will have to be spent on an uncomfortable coach and the luggage will never be light with so many things needed in a trip. In comparison, it is so comfortable and relax to stay at home during the vacation, you can still enjoy the breath-taking sceneries in the place you want to go in the television and internet.

On the other hand, however, for many people, tourism is not all about watching beautiful views so they are still interest in tourism though a lot of information can be get from television and worldwide computer connections. For those people, the whole process is a indispensable part of tourism which they enjoy very much so they can not be satisfied only by staying at home watching TV and surfing on the internet. What they treasure most is the experience they get from a trip. In addition, thanks to television and worldwide computers connections, they can gather more information in advance about the place they want to go than ever before. Therefore, they can have a better plan about their trip, which helps to make the trip merrier and safer. Third, there are many attractive tourist sites that are not known to many, but now these sites can make advertisements in television and computer connections, which will largely raise their popularity and attract a lot of tourists.

In sum, for those people who regard traveling as quite time, energy and money consuming, tourism may not be their option during their vacation with the help of television and worldwide computer connections. But for those who enjoy the whole process of tourism and treasure the experience gained from a trip, television and worldwide computer connections will not stop them from tourism but provide ample information for them to have a better preparation in advance. So tourism will not become obsolete as the author asserts.

sunneptuneUID: 2451588

issue150 『jet小组』第五次作业

Issue 150: Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.WORDS: 607      TIME:          DATE: 2008-2-12In this ever-changing society, the popularity of television and worldwide computer connections is increasing in an amazing speed. But will the popularity of the two result in, as the author asserts, that tourism becomes obsolete for the reason that people now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited? While admitting that it is true in some circumstance(circumatances), we should examine it more carefully on a case-by-case basis.(虽然没有什么错误，但是感觉这句话用在这里不是很贴切,不能很明确的表达作者的观点)It is undeniable that thanks to the help of television and worldwide computer connections, the world becomes smaller and smaller, the widespread phrase "global village" is a manifestation of this phenomenon.(一句话里貌似出现了两个句子，结构应该改一下)It was very difficult for ancient people to know much about a place they had never visited merely based on hearsays and stories. But for modern people, television and computer connections show every places in great depth with beautiful pictures, attractive videos and interesting explanations, which give rise to that people nowadays can know a place in detail without ever been there.(which has people better known places in details without ever being there.)As a result（何来的结果？）, many people's tendency for tourism is truly decreasing for they would rather stay at home watch (watching)attractive TV shows and surf (surfing)on the Internet to get the information about beautiful places. As we all know, it is sometimes quite tiring and annoying to go for a trip. In the tourist attractions, there are always an amazing amount of people.The price for food and water will be shocking high and at night you have to stay in a unfamiliar hotel where many people will have a problem falling asleep. （句子貌似不能如此并列）What's more, a lot of time will have to be spent on an uncomfortable coach and the luggage will never be light with so many things needed in a trip. In comparison, it is so comfortable and relax(relaxing) to stay at home during the vacation. You can still enjoy the breath-taking sceneries in the place you want to go(where you have been dreaming for) in the television and internet(Internet).(结构问题)On the other hand, however, for many people, tourism is not all about watching beautiful views so they are still interest in tourism though a lot of information can be get from television and worldwide computer connections. (说实话，没看太懂，按我的理解改一下：tourism is not a simple thing only to watch beautiful views but a firsthand experience to place oneself in the real spots to understand the information from the television and worldwide computer connections.)For those people, the whole process is a indispensable part of tourism which they enjoy very much so they can not be satisfied only by staying at home watching TV and surfing on the internet. （感觉表达不流畅，适当修改下）What they treasure most is the experience they get from a trip. In addition, thanks to television and worldwide computers connections, they can gather more information in advance about the place they want to go (go to) than ever before. Therefore, they can have a better plan about(for)their trip, which helps to make the trip merrier and safer. Thirdly, there are many attractive tourist sites that are not known to many, but now these sites can make advertisements in television and computer connections, which will largely raise their popularity and attract a lot of (more)tourists.In sum, for those people who regard traveling as quite time, energy and money consuming(were cornered by limitation of time, energy or money), tourism may not be their first option during their vacation with the help of television and worldwide computer connections.(有点罗嗦，删掉吧) But for those who enjoy the whole process of tourism and treasure the experience gained from a trip, television and worldwide computer connections will not stop them from tourism but provide ample information for them to have a better preparation in advance. So tourism will not become obsolete as the author asserts.

呵，水平有限，修改的不好的地方请见谅，合作愉快~
我从WORD贴上来分段有问题，颜色也有些不对，作者粘到WORD里看吧

michael_1984UID: 2327441

issue150 『jet小组』 第五次作业
Issue 150: Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.
WORDS: 607      TIME:          DATE: 2008-2-12

In this ever-changing society, the popularity of television and worldwide computer connections is increasing in an amazing speed. But will the popularity of the two result in, as the author asserts, that tourism becomes obsolete for the reason that people now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited? While admitting that it is true in some circumstance, we should examine it more carefully on a case-by-case basis.

It is undeniable that thanks to the help of television and worldwide computer connections, the world becomes smaller and smaller, the widespread phrase "global village" is a manifestation of this phenomenon. It was very difficult for ancient people to know much about a place they had never visited (中间是不是应有个连词and?) merely based on hearsays and stories. But for modern people, television and computer connections show every places in great depth with beautiful pictures, attractive videos and interesting explanations, which give rise to that people nowadays can know a place in detail without ever been there.

As a result, many people's tendency for tourism is truly decreasing for they would rather stay at home watch attractive TV shows and surf on(去掉on) the Internet to get the information about beautiful places. As we all know, it is sometimes quite tiring and annoying to go for a trip. In the tourist attractions, there are always an amazing amount of people, the price for food and water will be shocking high, and at night you have to stay in an unfamiliar hotel (?似乎有奇异，familiar hotel 就不会出现后面的情况吗？)where many people will have a problem falling asleep. What's more, a lot of time will have to be spent on an uncomfortable coach and the luggage will never be light with so many things needed in a trip. In comparison, it is so comfortable and relaxed to stay at home during the vacation, you can still enjoy the breath-taking sceneries in the place you want to go in the television and internet.

On the other hand, however, for many people, tourism is not all about watching beautiful views so(这里用so好像不太合适，似乎删掉比较好，改成逗号) they are still interest in tourism（感觉这句没表达清楚） though a lot of information can be get from television and worldwide computer connections.（感觉这句多余，加上不太合适） For those people, the whole process is a indispensable part of tourism which they enjoy very much so they can not be satisfied only by staying at home watching TV and surfing on the internet. What they treasure most is the experience they get from a trip. In addition（似乎逻辑关系不对，前面说的是对TV and internet的负评价，后面是正评价，不存在递进或补充关系吧？）, thanks to television and worldwide computers connections, they can gather more information in advance about the place they want to go than ever before. Therefore, they can have a better plan about their trip, which helps to make the trip merrier and safer. Third, there are many attractive tourist sites that are not known to many, but now these sites can make advertisements in television and computer connections, which will largely raise their popularity and attract a lot of tourists.

In sum, for those people who regard traveling as quite time, energy and money consuming, tourism may not be their option（没有见过这种用法，感觉似乎应是choice） during their vacation with the help（给出一个表原因的就可以，用with the help感觉逻辑上有些不合适） of television and worldwide computer connections. But for those who enjoy the whole process of tourism and treasure the experience gained from a trip, television and worldwide computer connections will not stop them from tourism but provide ample information for them to have a better preparation in advance. So tourism will not become obsolete as the author asserts.

整篇文章行文比较流畅，逻辑思路明显。但给人感觉分析问题不够透彻。
一些长句子内部逻辑关系不对，其实个人感觉不用写太多的长句子。
努力！
加油！

[ 本帖最后由 michael_1984 于 2008-2-14 19:41 编辑 ]