issue150 [Jet小组第五次作业]

txjlionUID: 2445370

TOPIC: ISSUE150 - "Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."

WORDS: 544           DATE: 2008-2-12 23:59:26

Thanks to the development of television and worldwide computer connections, people could be familiar with lots of places, even without moving our feet out off the door. By considering these reasons, the arguer arrives at the conclusion that tourism will soon become obsolete. I strongly disagree with the speaker. I believe that not only the modern media would never destroy tourism, but also help it improve.To begin with, the function of tour is not just a glance as we usually do before the screen of television or computer. A tour benefits us a lot from several aspects as followed. Firstly, it could relax us for both heart and body in this pressing society. For example, a great many companies give their employees a certain time to take one or two tours every year, so they could work harder and their achievement could be more effective and efficient. Secondly, a tourist could be more familiar with the local conditions and customs of the place by having been in there than from watching TV or surfing on the net. In addition, which is my favorite, we could taste the local authentic cate. It is impossible to do all these things mentioned above just by watching TV or through any other modern media.Next, touring is a effective and important measure to strengthen love between different person, especially for lovers and families. No one would spend his or her honeymoon before television, no matter how wonderful TV program he/she could see. Walking along the beautiful beach with the one you loved holding your hands is much more romantic than watching any good scenery on the TV. In addition, if two lovers encounter some embarrassment on their trip, and finally get over it, they definitely would love each other more than they did before. I believe Rose and Nick, play actors in the movie Titanic, would get married if both of them survive. Tour can not be replaced when it comes to love.In fact, modern media, such as television and computer connectivity, might actually provide a boon for tourism. On one hand, we can get our plane of train tickets easier than we usually do by getting them on net with computer. We also could book our hotel on the place, on which we are going, to save us lots of trouble. On the other hand, we could become familiar with the places that we are going to and have never visited. So we can choice some place that is our favorite type. It could make the tour more interesting.Moreover, not all the place, which we want to visit to, could be seen on the TV or net. Tourism can be more purposeful than watching TV. Every TV program we watched on the television is made by some one before it was shown. If one person want to acknowledge acquaint himself with the reason why the local totem is a snake, he probably have to be there while there is no such TV program about this.In sum, any modern media, such as television and worldwide computer connections, would never replace the function of tourism. Tourism means l lot. It is an open-ended and all inclusive process and could always bring us knowledge and surprises. I love touring.



没限时，欢迎猛批

谢谢

[ 本帖最后由 txjlion 于 2008-2-13 00:37 编辑 ]

x6xUID: 2180130

Thanks to the development of television and worldwide computer connections, people could be familiar with lots of places, even without moving our feet out off(of) the door. (By) considering these reasons, the arguer arrives at the conclusion that tourism will soon become obsolete. I strongly disagree with the speaker. I believe that  the modern media not only  would never destroy tourism, but also help it improve.

To begin with, the function of tourism is not just a glance as we usually do before the screen of television or computer. A tour benefits us a lot from several aspects as followed. Firstly, it could relax us for both heart and body in this pressing society(society with tremenodus pressures). For example, a great many companies give their employees( a) certain time to take one or two tours every year, so they could work harder and their achievement could be more effective and efficient. Secondly, a tourist could be more familiar with the local conditions and customs of the place by having been( in) there than from watching TV or surfing on the net. In addition, which is my favorite, we could taste the local authentic cate. It is impossible to do all these things mentioned above just by watching TV or through any other modern media.Next, touring is a effective and important measure to strengthen love between different persons, especially for lovers and families. No one would spend his or her honeymoon before television, no matter how wonderful TV program he/she could see. Walking along the beautiful beach with the one you loved holding your hands is much more romantic than watching any good scenery on the TV.(这句的描写为文章增彩) In addition,(我把连接词都标出来,你就知道应该换个词了) if two lovers encounter some embarrassment on their trip, and finally get over it, they definitely would love each other more than they did before. I believe Rose and Nick, play actors in the movie Titanic, would get married if both of them survive. Tour can not be replaced when it comes to love.In fact, modern media, such as television and computer connectivity, might actually provide a boon for tourism. On one hand, we can get our plane of train tickets easier than we usually do by getting them on net with computer. We also could book our hotel on the place, on which we are going, to save us lots of trouble.(这个例子其实可举可不举,因为与topic并不是特别匹配;如果非要举,在举例之后要围绕你的论点说理一下) On the other hand, we could become familiar with the places that we are going to and have never visited. So we can choice some place that is our favorite type. It could make the tour more interesting.Moreover, not all the place, which we want to visit to, could be seen on the TV or net. Tourism can be more purposeful than watching TV. Every TV program we watched on the television is made by some one before it was shown. If one person want to acknowledge acquaint himself with the reason why the local totem is a snake, he probably have to be there while there is no such TV program about this.In sum, any modern media, such as television and worldwide computer connections, would never replace the function of tourism. Tourism means l lot. It is an open-ended and all inclusive process and could always bring us knowledge and surprises. I love touring.

因为是修改作文,谈缺点或许对你更有帮助.所以我主要说不足的
地方,请理解:)
1)先排一下版最好,我还以为你没有分段...
2)文章结构不很清晰,建议阅读一下摸板作文
3)注意同义词的替换

拙见而已,欢迎讨论