argument53 [jet小组]第五次作业

teeweeUID: 2456185

ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

字数341
In the argument, the arguer recommended that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. To justify this claim, the arguer assumes that melatonin cause shyness. In addition, he cites the result of a recent study that this shyness would continue. A careful examination of this argument reveals that this argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

In the first place, the arguer unfairly assumes that melatonin cause shyness. There is no warrant evidence show that, even if it is known that the hormone called melatonin, which would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight, affect some brain functions. And also the arguer, in the argument, does not mention that whether the hormone would affect the infants, that means maybe the hormone only has bad influence on the mother’s brain functions instead of the infant’s, while they are sleeping peacefully in mother’s uterus.

In the second place, the arguer fails to establish a causal relationship between melatonin and teenagers’ shyness. That means whether the shyness, if even if caused by melatonin, could continue is unsure. It is a common sense that the character forming has complex relationship with many factors such as the circumstance one grew in, the education one accepted, the family environment one lived and so on. So, more than half of the teenagers identified themselves as shy could not justify the arguer’s conclusion. There is another probability, the arguer ignored, that shy maybe is one of the most significant characteristics of the 13-year-old teenagers.

Last but not least, the arguer does not give powerful evidence to support that infants’ mild distress is rest on shyness. If the arguer could not proof this, s/he could not advocate that melatonin cause shyness during infancy.

To conclude, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. If the arguer wants to justify his standpoint, he should provide more warrant evidence to proof the casual relationship between melatonin and shyness. And the arguer should do an investigation about the growing environment of the teenagers.

[ 本帖最后由 teewee 于 2008-2-13 12:19 编辑 ]

huangli711UID: 2451421

[In the argument, the arguer recommended that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. To justify this claim, the arguer[he](用he 的话避免重复，在紧接着的两句话里面，同样的主语最好是换一下) assumes that melatonin cause shyness. [In addition, he] and cites [the] a result of a recent study that this shyness would continue. Nevertheless, A careful examination of this argument reveals that this argument is unconvincing for several critical flaws.不错的开头阿，简单明了，并且能够引出下文，但是如果前面几句用一个长的句子代替是不是会更好一点呢？

In the first place, the arguer unfairly assumes that melatonin cause shyness. There is no warrant evidence to show that, even if it is known that the hormone called melatonin, which would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight, affect some brain functions. And also the arguer, in the argument, does not mention that whether the hormone would affect the infants, that means maybe the hormone only has bad influence on the mother’s brain functions instead of the infant’s, while they are sleeping peacefully in mother’s uterus. [这个状语从句家的没有意义啊！]

In the second place, the arguer fails to establish a causal relationship between melatonin and teenagers’ shyness. That means whether the shyness, if （去掉了就好了） even if caused by melatonin, could continue is unsure. It is a common sense that the character forming has complex relationship with many factors such as the circumstance one grew in, the education one accepted, the family environment one lived and so on. So, that (主语从句的前面是不是要加一个that )more than half of the teenagers identified themselves as shy could not justify the arguer’s conclusion. There is another probability这里感觉是总是英语, the arguer ignored, that shyness maybe is[maybe 和 is有一个就好了] one of the most significant characteristics of the 13-year-old teenagers.

Last but not least, the arguer does not give powerful evidence to support that infants’ mild distress is rest on shyness[不理解这句话]. If the arguer could not proof this, s/he could not advocate that melatonin cause shyness during infancy.这个后面可以分析论证的，就算是为了凑字数也好啊

To conclude, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. If the arguer wants to justify his standpoint, he should provide more warrant evidence to proof the casual relationship between melatonin and shyness.这是前面完全的重复，其实就算是没话可说，也要变化句式阿 And the arguer should do an investigation about the growing environment of the teenagers.

论证总体感觉有些单薄，如果能家如演绎分析的话就好了。^-^

[ 本帖最后由 huangli711 于 2008-2-13 20:13 编辑 ]