argument117 [jet小组] 第九次作业，真诚求拍！！

ljc-dreamUID: 2166457

117. The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

To increase stock of office supplies at all Valu-Mart stores, recommended by the manager, may not be a wise choice to make profits. Before recommending something like this, the evidence presented in the argument should be scrutinized from several perspectives. The manager seems to have assumed that due to the increase of more stock of office supplies would necessarily lead to more sales and more profits without considering the latent risk of the overstock.

First of all, the manager has not shown the survey upon which the argument bases to be statistically reliable. We may cast doubt on the fraction of respondents involved, and it is entirely possible that it is relative proportion rather than total amount that make greater contribution to account for the validity of survey. However, from the above survey, we know nothing about the background and career of the respondents, and then it is quite possible that most of the respondents are not office workers and their work has nothing to with the using of office supplies. If so, the survey would be questionable, at best.

Even if the survey indeed reflect the increasing trend of home work conducted by office workers, there is no evidence presented that the increasing homework has anything whatsoever to do with the increment of sales. Lacking the statistics showing the buying power, it is entirely possible that the respondents have little demand for office supplies, or the charges of office supplies surpass their personal budget. Even as office workers, art designers of an advertising agency, for example, would prefer to accomplish their designs with merely a computer at home and to print the drafts in their office next day, rather than purchase a prohibitive printers. Without analyzing the purchase inclination, the hasty of increasing all kinds of office supplies would be a risk of overstock of certain goods, primarily because such stocks are out of the demand of customers.

Finally, even assuming that the increasing home work brings more sales of office supplies, it is difficult to conclude that the office-supply departments will be the most profitable component of Walu-Mart stores. First, costs should be taken into account when concerning profits, even sales are increased sharply, and a simultaneous raise in costs would oppositely bring them less profit margin. For instance, more stocks require broader space and more custodians, which will increase the costs of the office-supply department. Further, without analyzing statistics of the function in other departments, the profits of office-supply department are hardly evaluated. It is equally possible that other factors have ensured more profits in other departments, including high efficiency, good credit, and first-class services, which are neglected by the manager.

In summation, the manager fails to offer a valid survey on which to evaluate the consumption of the office supplies, leaving it open as to whether the home worker really demand more office supplies and what types of office supplies are really demanded. Thus, a cursory decision to increase the stock of office supplies in all Valu-Mart stores would contribute less to the profits of office-supply department. To surpass other departments, the office-supply department should outmaneuver others based on a comprehensive comparison including systematic index.

[ 本帖最后由 liyue24 于 2008-2-21 00:04 编辑 ]

mix99UID: 2432326

117. The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

To increase stock of office supplies at all Valu-Mart stores, recommended by the manager, may not be a wise choice to make profits.(好句,我怎么就没想到呢?)Before recommending something like this(我觉得不对劲,因为不应该recommending), the evidence presented in the argument (建议memo)should be scrutinized from several perspectives. The manager seems to have assumed that due to the increase of more stock of office supplies would necessarily lead to more sales and more profits without considering the latent risk of the overstock. (the manager also accord the survey),可以来一句怀疑一下.北美范文都是这样干的.

First of all, the manager has not shown the survey upon which the argument bases to be statistically reliable.(survey不能支持manager's meno是不是要好点) We may cast doubt on the fraction of respondents involved, and it is entirely possible that it is relative proportion rather than total amount that make greater contribution to account for the validity of survey. (你的意思是不是回答的人在被调查人数中的比例比较小).However, from the above survey, we know nothing about the background and career (可以多加点什么薪水呀,职位等等)of the respondents, and then it is quite possible that most of the respondents are not office workers and their work has nothing to with the using of office supplies. (好,我没说)If so, the survey would be questionable, at best.

Even if the survey indeed reflect the increasing trend of home work conducted by office workers, there is no obvious evidence presented（一般现在时？）that the increasing homework has anything whatsoever to do with the increment of sales. Lacking the statistics showing the buying power, it is entirely possible that the respondents have little demand for office supplies, or the charges of office supplies surpass their personal budget.（我有点怀疑这个用法对不对？） Even as office workers, art designers of an advertising agency, for example, would prefer to accomplish their designs with merely a computer at home and to print the drafts in their office next day, rather than purchase a prohibitive printers. Without analyzing the purchase inclination, the hasty of increasing all kinds of office supplies would be a risk of overstock of certain goods, primarily because such stocks are out of the demand of customers.（攻击的好）

Finally, even assuming that the increasing home work brings more sales of office supplies, it is difficult to conclude that the office-supply departments will be the most profitable component of Walu-Mart stores.First, costs should be taken into account when concerning profits, even sales are increased sharply, and a simultaneous raise in costs would（建议用may）oppositely bring them less profit margin.（用cause或者lead　to是不是要好点）For instance, more stocks require broader space and more custodians, which will increase the costs of the office-supply department. Further, without analyzing statistics of the function in other departments,（不知道其他部门收入的情况下？function是什么意思？）the profits of office-supply department are hardly evaluated. It is equally possible that other factors have ensured more profits in other departments, including higher efficiency, good（better ）credit, and first-class services, which are建议用may　be）neglected by the manager.

In summation, the manager fails to offer a valid survey on which to evaluate the consumption of the office supplies, leaving it open as（这个是什么意思？） to whether the home worker really demand more office supplies and what types of office supplies are really demanded. Thus, a cursory decision to increase the stock of office supplies in all Valu-Mart stores would contribute less to the profits of office-supply department. To surpass other departments, the office-supply department should outmaneuver others based on a comprehensive comparison including systematic index.
语气上不要太肯定（would少用），因为可能是对的，也可能是错的．粉红色表示我不知道这个句子的意思，请指教．
我在你楼下！

[ 本帖最后由 mix99 于 2008-2-21 15:48 编辑 ]

ljc-dreamUID: 2166457

First of all, the manager has not shown the survey upon which the argument bases to be statistically reliable.(survey不能支持manager's meno是不是要好点) We may cast doubt on the fraction of respondents involved, and it is entirely possible that it is relative proportion rather than total amount that make greater contribution to account for the validity of survey. (你的意思是不是回答的人在被调查人数中的比例比较小).However, from the above survey, we know nothing about the background and career (可以多加点什么薪水呀,职位等等)of the respondents, and then it is quite possible that most of the respondents are not office workers and their work has nothing to with the using of office supplies. (好,我没说)If so, the survey would be questionable, at best.

谢谢楼上的指正，一针见血地指出我很多问题！感动中……
我本来想要表述：只是少部分的respondents，而不是全部respondents，真正需要office supplies. 自己拙劣地套用模版，结果造成表述混乱。

全文修改如下：

To increase stock of office supplies at all Valu-Mart stores, recommended by the manager, may not be a wise choice to make profits. Before deciding something like this, one should consider several more issues, in order to escape the latent risk of overstock.


First of all, the manager assumes that the work-at-home trend would necessarily lead to more sales. Unfortunately, this is often not the case. We may cast doubt on whether the home-workers would intend to purchase more office supplies. From the above survey, we know nothing about the background, career and salary of the respondents, and then it is quite possible that the respondents are not office workers and their works have nothing to do with the using of office supplies, or that the fraction of respondents, who really require and could afford the consumption of office supplies, accounts for the lowest proportion of the total number.


Even if the increasing home-work indeed enlarged the demands for office supplies, no evidence provided that such demands necessarily brings equal sales. Lacking the statistics about the buying power of the respondents, it is entirely possible that the charge of certain office supplies goes beyond their budget. If so, an art designers of an advertising agency, as office workers, would prefer to accomplish his or her designs with merely a computer at home and to print the drafts in the office next day, rather than purchase a prohibitive printer. Further, without analyzing the purchase inclination, the hasty of increasing all kinds of office supplies would be a risk of overstock of certain goods. Thus, a more specific analysis about the proportion of the consumption of office supplies is needed to make balance between stock and demand.


Finally, even assuming that the increasing home work brings more sales of office supplies, it is difficult to conclude that the office-supply departments will be the most profitable component of Walu-Mart stores. First, costs should be taken into account when concerning profits, even sales are increased sharply, and a simultaneous raise in costs would oppositely bring them less profit margin. For instance, more stocks require broader space and more custodians, which will increase the costs of the office-supply department. Further, without being compared with the statistics of the function in other departments, the profits of office-supply department are hardly evaluated. It is equally possible that other factors have ensured more profits in other departments, including high efficiency, good credit, and first-class services, which are neglected by the manager.


In summation, the manager fails to offer a valid survey on which to evaluate the consumption of the office supplies, leaving it open as to whether the home worker really demand more office supplies and what types of office supplies are really demanded. Thus, a cursory decision to increase the stock of office supplies in all Valu-Mart stores would contribute less to the profits of office-supply department. Much more data about demand and cost, as well as a comprehensive comparison with other departments, are need before increasing stock of office supplies at all Valu-Mart stores.




[ 本帖最后由 ljc-dream 于 2008-2-22 20:17 编辑 ]