Issue48 【jet】小组第十次作业

jinluevaUID: 2390375

Issue 48 "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
Date: 2008-2-22
Time: 50 minutes
Words: 603

When talking about history, people used to present legend stories about intrepid heroes such as William Wallace, powerful emperors or kings, as well as those great minds in science, arts and literature, and meanwhile pay little attention to those who stood behind them. The  unprecedented contributions of Nobel Prize winners have been taught in scientific history class, yet there is no place in the textbooks for those who work as assistants in their research, not to mention those who did their jobs as pioneers yet gained little except failures. The wisdoms of great philosophers and thinkers as Socrates, Aristotle and Locke have been lauded ever since their creation, nevertheless, their precedents and compeers who kept the function of society, the source for all achievements, have seldom been mentioned. This point, popular though in all human communities, may be seemingly unfair.

Undoubtedly, it is the whole human population, most of them the common people like you and me, which created, and is creating the history of human civilization. In terms of economy, it is the work and efforts of millions of common labors that produce numerous commodities that provide the material satisfaction for our basic existence. From the social aspects, our society could functions normally only with the multifaceted roles of each persons like managers, workers, team mates, fathers. wives and so on. Even in the realm of arts or literatures, those prodigies have obtained help adn inspirations from common human beings. To have a macro-level concept of our past, we have to form a specific picture of the roles of people in all status, jobs, and genders.

However, to form this picture, even in the most general level, is never an easy task. In the first place, records about many of the ordinary ones are to limited compared to their huge populations and great differences, and that is why we say history has forgotten them. In the second place, even if all the indispensable information could be available, what could one do with such a tremendous pool of records and stories? Of course they are all part and parcel of their time, but to understand the history in a scientific way, we need to have our focuses and emphases. And until currently, the only practical and efficient way is still to mark a time with its most significant progress and accomplishments, which have been attributed to the famous few rather than groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten.

By arguing this, it is not to say that the contributions and sometimes undesirable influences of ordinary ones are not phenomenal through our history. Admittedly, ordinary people are the largest part of whole population and thus their importance is the most fundamental factor to the progress of history. Yet to identify history, we have to use the names of the famous few as symbols to represent the crucial moments or successes of all the population. For instance, it is more convenient for us to just quote Einstein as the representative of expert of relativity theory than go over hundreds of names that who have participate in the seeking for the final theory. Similarly, we do not simply ignore the contribution of millions of scientists and workers who have made possible the outer space explore by citing Armstrong is the first man who landed on the moon.

For short, all those who have lived and exerted themselves for our human beings, for their families or even only for themselves should be praised as one of the billions who created the human history together, yet the famous ones are remembered for their most noticeable influence.

[ 本帖最后由 jinlueva 于 2008-2-22 17:24 编辑 ]

滴滴雨儿UID: 2392741

Issue 48 "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
Date: 2008-2-22
Time: 50 minutes
Words: 603

When talking about history, people used to present legend stories about intrepid heroes such as William Wallace, powerful emperors or kings, as well as those great minds in science, arts and literature, and meanwhile pay little attention to those who stood behind them. The  unprecedented contributions of Nobel Prize winners have been taught in scientific history class, yet there is no place in the textbooks for those who work as assistants in their research, not to mention those who did their jobs as pioneers yet gained little except failures. The wisdoms of great philosophers and thinkers as Socrates, Aristotle and Locke have been lauded ever since their creation, nevertheless, their precedents and compeers who kept the function of society, the source for all achievements, have seldom been mentioned. This point, popular though in all human communities, may be seemingly unfair.个人觉得虽然这一段写得很漂亮,但不大适合做开头.开头最好还是能够让读者对文章想要表达什么有个明确的认识.虽然从最后一个seemingly可以看出之后要转折,但是作者自己的观点还是得不到展示.

Undoubtedly, it is the whole human population(这里用population不大合适吧,不过我也没有想到换个什么词好), most of them(which) are the common people like you and me(as ordinary as you and me), which have created, and is creating the history of human civilization. (这一句结构不完整)In terms of economy, it is the work and efforts of millions of common labors that produce numerous commodities that provide the material satisfaction for our basic existence(basic needs?). From the social aspects, our society could functions normally only with the multifaceted(想表达什么意思?) roles of each persons like managers, workers, team mates, fathers. wives and so on. Even in the realm of arts or literatures, those prodigies have obtained help adn inspirations from common human beings. To have a macro-level concept of our past, we have to form a specific picture of the roles of people in all status, jobs, and genders.能够猜出来这段话想要表达的含义,但是从表述上来看似乎很纠结.能否改精确些?其实感觉把第一段的写作手法用在这一段来论证的话效果会更好,形象而又全面.
这一段说要从宏观上把握历史,就应当把人们的各种社会地位,工作,性别等都考虑在内.

However, to form this picture, even in the most general level, is never an easy task. In the first place, records about many of the ordinary ones are too limited compared to their huge populations and great differences, and that is why we say history has forgotten them. In the second place, even if all the indispensable information could be available, what could one do with such a tremendous pool of records and stories? Of course they are all part and parcel of their time, but to understand the history in a scientific way, we need to have our focuses and emphases.(为什么?展开说具体完整些) And until currently, the only practical and efficient way is still to mark a time with its most significant progress and accomplishments, which have been attributed to the famous few rather than groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten.
这一段说获取大多数人的资料在了解历史上不可行.

By arguing this, it is not to say that the contributions and sometimes undesirable influences of ordinary ones are not phenomenal through our history. Admittedly, ordinary people are the largest part of whole population and thus their importance is the most fundamental factor to the progress of history. Yet to identify history, we have to use the names of the famous few as symbols to represent the crucial moments or successes of all the population.(这个观点虽然独到,但是个人感觉有些牵强,除非得到非常合理充分的证明,否则不大可信.) For instance, it is more convenient for us to just quote Einstein as the representative of expert of relativity theory than go over hundreds of names that who have participate in the seeking for the final theory. Similarly, we do not simply ignore the contribution of millions of scientists and workers who have made possible the outer space explore by citing Armstrong is the first man who landed on the moon. 其实按常识判断,提到爱因斯坦人们应该不会想到太多其他的,阿姆斯特朗的例子挺好,但是也欠缺进一步的分析,单摆在这里还是不够有说服力.
这一段说人们通过少数著名人物会想到大多数人的功绩.

For short, all those who have lived and exerted themselves for our human beings, for their families or even only for themselves should be praised as one of the billions who created the human history together, yet the famous ones are remembered for their most noticeable influence.

总体来说文章观点很独到,指出每个人都有构筑历史的功绩.虽然在这方面整体结构都很清晰,但是似乎有些头重脚轻.对于题目famous few的部分论证太少,以至于不充分不具有说服力.再加之结尾处说那些少数著名人士被铭记是因为他们伟大的影响,文章却一点也没有指出来这一点,显得很突兀,似乎是为了挽救一下最后的偏离.建议倒数第二段多论证一下少数人以及他们与多数人之间的关系.