argument145 AWER小组，求拍

zhuzz05UID: 2355356

Argument145. A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.


In this argument, the speaker claims that people who snore should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. Because a new study shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than people who do not snore. The speaker also points out that many people who snore stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds. And the interruption can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. However, I find the argument unpersuasive in many aspects.

To begin with, the validity of the study is doubtful. Lacking any information about the people surveyed, we have good reasons to doubt if the sample is representative of the overall people who snore. Perhaps some people who snore are not fatter than people who do not snore. Also, there are many other factors that could let people gain weight. The speaker fails to rule out other possibilities. The argument is greatly weakened.

The fact that many people who snore stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds lends no support to the argument. The speaker fails to provide any evidence to prove that the interruption can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Perhaps this interruption does not let people feel tired during the day. The argument is further weakened.

Also the speaker fails to prove that people who snare do not exercise during the day. Perhaps that these people still make many exercise during the day.  Without the enough information, it is impossible to access the validity of the results that people who snore are too tired to exercise during the day.

Even if that people who snore really are fatter than people who do not snore. They are already too tired to exercise during the day. The claim that advises them to eat less than the average person and to exercise more may be not good at their health.

To sum up, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the argument the speaker should provide sufficient data about the study. The speaker also should prove that people who snore really are too tired to exercise during the day. And then provide a sound advice to these people to control the weight.

zwolfeUID: 2424872

In this argument, the speaker claims that people who snore should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. Because a new study shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than people who do not snore. The speaker also points out that many people who snore stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds. And the interruption can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. However, I find the argument unpersuasive in many aspects.To begin with, the validity of the study is doubtful. Lacking any information about the people surveyed, we have good reasons to doubt if the sample is representative of the overall people who snore. Perhaps some people who snore are not fatter than people who do not snore. Also, there are many other factors that could let people gain weight. The speaker fails to rule out other possibilities. The argument is greatly weakened.The fact that many people who snore stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds lends no support to the argument.（这个开头段衔接上不太好，而且这个从后面看出你不是驳斥的这个事实而是不锻炼，我认为把它作为作者的一个假设—stop breathing导致tired and thus 不锻炼—然后批驳） The speaker fails to provide any evidence to prove that the interruption can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Perhaps this interruption does not let people feel tired during the day. The argument is further weakened.Also the speaker fails to prove that people who snare do not exercise during the day. Perhaps that these people still make many exercise during the day.  Without the（the没作用） enough information, it is impossible to access the validity of the results that people who snore are too tired to exercise during the day. Even if that people who snore really are fatter than people who do not snore. They are already too tired to exercise during the day. The claim that advises them to eat less than the average person and to exercise more may be not good at their health. （第四和第五段说的是一个内容，我认为放在一个段落就好了，没必要分开。）To sum up, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the argument the speaker should provide sufficient data about the study. The speaker also should prove that people who snore really are too tired to exercise during the day. And then provide a sound advice to these people to control the weight.

比我的水平高一些，总体不错，有模板有套路，语言有变化。
不当之后请包含

zhuzz05UID: 2355356

谢谢你啊   我不太会写开头 老是写不好