APRIL 作文互改小组 第一周作业ISSUE130

gingerleeUID: 2454321

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
        TIME: 01:06:00     
提纲：1不赞同观点   
             2孩子成长的任何一个阶段，父母都有教育培养孩子的自己的方式
             3不仅父母教育培养孩子，社会也会根据需要按一定的方式培养孩子。例如：IT行业迅猛发展，紧缺IT行业人才。社会政府投入财力人力。解决相关问题

The destiny of society whether it's prosperous or it's under the depression is created and brought by our human beings. There's no doubt that children who are receiving sufficient education when she/he is young play a cardinal role in determine the destiny of society, which is known by all of us. And of course, we have learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

First of all, at each stage of the growth of children, we know how to raise them. For example, before a mother who is a pregnant gives a birth to a baby, she and her husband would have a proper blueprint for their child how to cultivate their lovely son or daughter during their life. Parents would make their children broaden their horizons by telling various kinds of stories to them, like fairy tale, friction and so on. Besides, they make their children receive excellent education by sending them to the key school from primary school to the high school, regardless the high expenses. What parents have done by using their methods they learned from the former generation or other experienced people to raise children will affect the performance of the children in the future. There's feasible reasons to believe that these children may have value for the society and even make great contributions to the certain fields in the society such as the scientific and technological field, the academic area and the political realm etc.,

What's more, we have not only learned how to raise our own children but also known the way in which to cultivate other children who can help bring about a better society. Nowadays, with the advancement of the information and technology, increasing government and authorities have given priority to the project of cultivating high-qualified individuals in such areas, including computer engineer, software and hardware developer and so on. That’s the reason why computers are available to children in high school, even in the primary school. Investment on children will result in incredible outcomes. We never know whether there would be another “Bill Gates” out of them who will bring another imaginable experience for us brought by innovation and make numerous contributions to build a better society.

In conclusion, we have learned how to raise our children who can help bring a better society from generation to generation in every corner of the society. However, what matters is the fact that we should find a much more effective and grammatical way to achieve the accomplishment. Actually, certain educational experts are struggling their way to reach the outcomes, which may definitely give birth to a satisfactory result.

liuliu8389UID: 2432168

The destiny of society whether it's prosperous or it's（可以去掉） under the depression is created and brought by our human beings. There's no doubt that children who are receiving sufficient education when she/he is young play a cardinal role in determining the destiny of society, which is known by all of us. And of course, we have learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.

First of all, at each stage of the growth of children, we know how to raise them. For example, before a mother who is a(去掉) pregnant gives a(去掉) birth to a baby, she and her husband would have a proper blueprint for their child about(修饰后面的how) how to cultivate their lovely son or daughter during their life. Parents would make their children broaden their horizons by telling various kinds of stories to them, like fairy tales, frictions and so on. Besides, they make their children receive excellent education by sending them to the key school from primary school to the(去掉) high school, regardless the high expenses. What parents have done by using their methods they learned from the former generation or other experienced people to raise children will affect the performance of the children in the future. There's feasible（修饰reason不太恰当，我觉得credible好一点） reasons to believe that these children may have value for the society(感觉有些别扭，一般都不这么表达) and even make great contributions to the certain fields in the society such as the scientific and technological field, the academic area and the political realm etc.,

What's more, we have not only learned how to raise our own children but also known the way in which to cultivate other children who can help bring about a better society. Nowadays, with the advancement of the information and technology, increasing governments and authorities have given priority to the project of cultivating high-qualified individuals in such areas, including computer engineer, software and hardware developer and so on. That’s the reason why computers are available to children in high school, even in the primary school. Investment on children will result in incredible outcomes. We never know whether there would be another “Bill Gates” out of them who will bring another imaginable experience for us brought by innovation and make numerous contributions to build a better society.

In conclusion, we have learned how to raise our children who can help bring a better society from generation to generation in every corner of the society. However, what matters is the fact that we should find a much more effective and grammatical（不太明白你这里想要表达的意思） way to achieve the accomplishment. Actually, certain educational experts are struggling their way to reach the outcomes, which may definitely give birth to a satisfactory result.

思路清晰，但感觉论点不是很充足。如果有评判不当的地方还请见谅。