issue130 【7\8\9\10】 第一次作业希望大家不吝赐教

1001storyUID: 2516918

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 596         
Whether the socialization of children determines the destiny of society or whether we could not find a proper way to raise children to help bring about a better society? In response to this issue, we need to analyze the proposition comprehensively from the dialectic perspective .Considering the author's first assertion and the final declaration, the speaker oversimplifies this issue ,which we should depend on a case-by-case analysis .
  Admittedly, socialization is a crucial factor influencing the extent to which an individual will ultimately contribute to a better society and it is even not the most important one. The socialization refers to the process of learning one's culture and how to live within it. As an individual in a society, only be socialized and participating within the society ,which our predecessors formed from the evolution since the thousands of years ago, can human master the skill of cooperation in order to survive in the contemporary society. But with the acceleration of social pace ,intension of modern life and the competition of people, the environment  around us and the opinion of young adults especilally in China, who grow in the family without siblings, have altered significantly. Even they are given the priority to the resources of education and information than their parents, they unfortunately lost the capability of teamwork, reasonable recognition of society and the leadership, becase of the lack of companions in their childhood. To be the actual governors and maintainers of the future, the children seem to essentially accept the imminent socialization.
From the overall perspective, I doubt that the socialization is the only factor determining the destiny of society. Adolf Hitler, one of the leaders of the Axis Powers, was highly socialized and had astonishing capability of leadership,occupying most of continental Europe which brought people in the most half of the world the sufferings of war in stead of a better society. This notable case in point has demonstrated that values such as kindness ,honesty, persistence, probity and so on are core attributes. So, at the risk of sounding too simplistic, I argue that owning these merits of human and only these merits can help us to embrace a better society.
  The spesker's next claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who know how to create a better society is troubling in two other aspects as well. First,in my expreience, the lasting social problems,such as the right of women, divergence of ethnics and racial groups, have already mitigated and gained more attention. Who can deny that we live in a better society than fifty years ago? The childrern of the most recent half century have grown up in the circumstances of greater tolerance of viewpoints, greater respect for individual rights and greater cooperation across culture and national bounderies. Wondering that they havebeen adapted themselves to this enviroment, why will they undermine all of these when they become the master of the society. Secondly, facing the deficiency of our educational system,we do have token several effectual steps to curb such blights, which lead the young to learn enough academic knowledge while lack the direction of morals, values and motives . A recent survey will make this point clear: more than eighty percent of companies' mangement of human resource has takenthe quality of psychology into account as well asprofessional knowledge. For the whole society, this change may promote the tendency toward the reform of education.
  From the analysis made above,I strongly commit to the notion that we can view the young people to bring a better society in several decades.
哈哈！第一次写，所以没计时间，以后要加油喽！！！

[ 本帖最后由 1001story 于 2008-7-21 12:24 编辑 ]

1001storyUID: 2516918

组长是你先改我的文章吗？？
先谢谢了哈:)

小猪sisiUID: 2453484

我没有改你的全文，你的语言很充实丰富。真的很棒:loveliness:
但是，在文章架构上我感觉有点乱，中间1，2，3段分观点阐述很明确，但是每个分论中阐述的内容尽管详尽，可我有点晕，感觉不是很贴分论，特别是第一段
Admittedly, socialization is a crucial factor influencing the extent to which an individual will ultimately contribute to a better society and（alhough?） it is even(删) not the most important one. The socialization refers to the process of learning one's culture and how to live within it. As an individual in a society, only be socialized and participating within the society ,which our predecessors formed from the evolution since the thousands of years ago, can human master the skill of cooperation in order to survive in the contemporary society. But（这里用了but是表达区前面相反的观点吗？） with the acceleration of social pace ,intension of modern life and the competition of people, the environment  around us and the opinion of young adults especilally in China, who grow in the family without siblings, have altered significantly. Even they are given the priority to the resources of education and information than their parents, they unfortunately lost the capability of teamwork, reasonable recognition of society and the leadership, becase of the lack of companions in their childhood. To be the actual governors and maintainers of the future, the children seem to essentially accept the imminent socialization.（我没看懂你的总结句---儿童要接受？？？）

第二段，是否可以列一些也影响社会的因素？
第三段，感觉再讲社会进步的问题与儿童教育扯不上关系。
而且建议将2，3 段调换一下位置
这样，1 儿童影响社会命运
2 教育的方法挺好的
3 其他因素也影响

thepopdjUID: 2517220

写得真的很好，语言充实，用词也很丰富

和组长有同感，应该将正文的2、3段换一下位置

例子可以再多一个，只举了希特勒的实例