argument53 【7\8\9\10】第三次作业

lisheng19881108UID: 2358622

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. The author concludes that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. At first glance, the author’s reasoning seems to be appealing, while clearly examining the author’s reasoning, we may find that it is unconvincing. The argument contains several facets that are questionable.

Firstly, we do not know that whether the melatonin will lead to infants’ shyness. The author just says that the melatonin can affect some brain functions but he does not show the function or affection of it. In addition, the author even does not provide any information to prove that melatonin will affect infants. It is possible that melatonin just affect the infants' mother and has no affection on infants, because we only know production of melatonin will affect some brain functions but we do not know that this affection is to their mothers or to infants.

Secondly, the research of a group of 25 infants does not have persuasion. The author makes the conclusion from a study of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress in thirteen years ago and a follow-up study conducted earlier this year. But wed do not make sure that signs of mild distress are because of shyness. Of course, the signs of mild distress may be just because of the discomfort in health. So the infants’ signs of mild distress may be they do not feel comfortable at that moment. Again, are the infants live in different conditions? If so, there may be the difference in living conditions that makes more than half of these children identify themselves as shy.

Thirdly, the conclusion that this shyness will continues into later life is too arbitrary. We also know that personality is affected by many perspectives such as experience, living conditions, and so on. In other words, even the melatonin is exactly due to shyness, the infants may become into other personality. So the author should take other alternatives into account to make the conclusion.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility. Regardless of who the author is, he or she has overlooked or chosen to ignore many aspects of his or her conclusion. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should give more evidences about the above-mentioned possibilities.
感觉写得很糟糕··

buctcontrolUID: 2392206

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. The author concludes that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. At first glance, the author’s reasoning seems to be appealing, while clearly examining the author’s reasoning, we may find that it is unconvincing. The argument contains several facets that are questionable.

Firstly, we do not know that whether the melatonin will lead to infants’ shyness. The author just says that the melatonin can affect some brain functions but he does not show the function or affection of it. In addition, the author even does not provide any information to prove that melatonin will affect infants. It is possible that melatonin just affect the infants' mother and has no affection on infants, because we only know production of melatonin will affect some brain functions but we do not know that this affection is to their mothers or to infants.

Secondly, the research of a group of 25 infants does not have persuasion. The author makes the conclusion from a study of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress in thirteen years ago and a follow-up study conducted earlier this year. But wed do not make sure that signs of mild distress are because of shyness. Of course, the signs of mild distress may be just because of the discomfort in health. So the infants’ signs of mild distress may be they do not feel comfortable at that moment. Again, are the infants live in different conditions? If so, there may be the difference in living conditions that makes more than half of these children identify themselves as shy.

Thirdly, the conclusion that this shyness will continues into later life is too arbitrary. We also know that personality is affected by many perspectives such as experience, living conditions, and so on. In other words, even the melatonin is exactly due to shyness, the infants may become into other personality. So the author should take other alternatives into account to make the conclusion.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility. Regardless of who the author is, he or she has overlooked or chosen to ignore many aspects of his or her conclusion. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should give more evidences about the above-mentioned possibilities.
在我看来写的还是不错的，错误的论证仔细严谨到位，我觉得既然这个做到了，就好了。不过看了作者的issue和argument之后我在想你可以尝试用其他转折词，可以多样化一些。很喜欢你的写作风格，句子简单易懂，读着也舒服。：）

[ 本帖最后由 buctcontrol 于 2008-7-24 16:14 编辑 ]