COMEON作文小组------tclrj 9月1日作业

tclrjtclrjUID: 2517750

In contemporary world, cooperation among people despite whether or not they share the same occupations is becoming so significant, that few of us could possibility succeed without the ability to cooperate with others.

From the aspect of community, the first reason to support this assertion is that our society is demanding increasing for productivity and proficiency. Artisans in ancient times ran small family business, produced pieces of artifacts and the techniques of those were only known by himself or utmost also by his apprentice. This does not due to their proficiency, but the simplicity of the works themselves. If they are required to fabricate a car on their own, this job might exhaust their whole life. The implements available to us now are far more complex, thus once the assembly-lines were introduced, the productivity of the global industry went up with a leap, while Ford was honored by his insightful mind of achieving cooperation among individual workers. Only when people are gathered and well-organized, can we reach a better outcome.

Advantage of collaboration for individual is that teamwork gender genius ideas and broaden prospective which could be impossible for any single person to achieve. Working with others helps to widen ken and learn from ones with different concept. Here we'll take the three founders of Intel as an instance. Moore who's most famous for his profound Moore Principle which accurately predicted the development of integration of integrated-circuit chips, precisely sensed the market and lead the way for Intel's future direction. Noyce, on the other hand, was a genius of micro-electronic, without him, Moore's prediction might still be a dream. And the last one Grove, later became the CEO of Intel, his brilliant leadership brought Intel to resplendency. They were never the same, but the cooperation of them creates a unprecedented legend.

Finally we can see, the ability of cooperate, which is neglected in the past, is a key to success for now, and maybe the only way to survive for the future.



[ 本帖最后由 tclrjtclrj 于 2008-9-2 09:35 编辑 ]

qawsedUID: 2359935

In contemporary world, cooperation among people despite whether or not they share the same occupations is becoming so significant, that few of us could possibility(possiblly) succeed without the ability to cooperate with others.

From the aspect of community, the first reason to support this assertion is that our society is demanding increasingly for productivity and proficiency. Artisans in ancient times ran small family business, produced pieces of artifacts and the techniques of those were only known by himself or utmost also(可以不要，和前面的only冲突了) by his apprentice. This does not due to their proficiency, but the simplicity of the works themselves. If they are required to fabricate a car on their own, this job might exhaust their whole life. The implements available to us now are far more complex, thus once the assembly-lines were introduced, the productivity of the global industry went up with a leap, while Ford was honored by his insightful mind of achieving cooperation among individual workers.这个例子最好再多说两句，Ford的哪个mind被honor了， 以更好的支撑论证Only when people are gathered and well-organized, can we reach a better outcome.

Advantage of collaboration for individual is that teamwork gender genius ideas and broaden prospective which could be impossible for any single person to achieve. Working with others helps to widen ken and learn from ones with different concept. Here we'll take the three founders of Intel as an instance. Moore who's most famous for his profound Moore Principle which accurately predicted the development of integration of integrated-circuit chips, precisely sensed the market and lead the way for Intel's future direction. Noyce, on the other hand, was a genius of micro-electronic, without him, Moore's prediction might still be a dream. And the last one Grove, later became the CEO of Intel, his brilliant leadership brought Intel to resplendency. They were never the same, but the cooperation of them creates a unprecedented legend.这例子好流畅啊！保持保持！ 只不过，这段主要说合作的好处了，没有和过去作比较，注意扣题啊！

Finally we can see, the ability of cooperate, which is neglected in the past,.（你的文中并没有提到过去忽略啊，所以这个地方不太合适） is a key to success for now, and maybe the only way to survive for the future
语言很棒，词汇用的好好哇！ 但是题目里有个比较级，more important than the past 所以应该多注意些扣题，要以过去做比较，以免在忽略中跑题了。

ragingfireUID: 186932

In contemporary world, cooperation among people despite whether or not they share the same occupations is becoming so significant, that few of us could possibility succeed without the ability to cooperate with others. (nothing about positions is mentioned in the statement, so let's concentrate on time)

From the aspect of community, the first reason to support this assertion is that our society is demanding increasing (increase) for productivity and proficiency. Artisans in ancient times ran small family business, produced pieces of artifacts and the techniques of those were only known by himself or utmost also by his apprentice. This does not due to their proficiency, but the simplicity of the works themselves. If they are required to fabricate a car on their own, this job might exhaust their whole life. The implements available to us now are far more complex, thus once the assembly-lines were introduced, the productivity of the global industry went up with a leap, while Ford was honored by his insightful mind of achieving cooperation among individual workers. Only when people are gathered and well-organized, can we reach a better outcome. (i've seen this from some articles^_^)

Advantage of collaboration for individual is that teamwork gender （generates??） genius ideas and broaden prospective (perspective??)which could be impossible for any single person to achieve. Working with others helps to widen ken and learn from ones with different concept. Here we'll take the three founders of Intel as an instance. Moore who's most famous for his profound Moore Principle which accurately predicted the development of integration of integrated-circuit chips, precisely sensed the market and lead the way for Intel's future direction. Noyce, on the other hand, was a genius of micro-electronic, without him, Moore's prediction might still be a dream. And the last one Grove, later became the CEO of Intel, his brilliant leadership brought Intel to resplendency(i have to say this word beyonds GRE...). They were never the same, but the cooperation of them creates a unprecedented legend.

Finally we can see, the ability of (to) cooperate, which is neglected in the past, is a key to success for now, and maybe the only way to survive for the future

Well done..good structure and well-organized. it also varies in words. However, though i can tell the inherent logic between para 2 and 3, it requires careful scrutiny. And some misuses of words seem a bit odd... As a whole this is an excellent work and is worth a high point!

[ 本帖最后由 ragingfire 于 2008-9-2 14:56 编辑 ]