COME ON 小组-----kathyfei2007 9月4日作业

kathyfei2007UID: 2436983

题目：

你认为接下来20年汽车的使用会不会减少？2006 年10 月8 日 技术进步类

第一次交作业,请大家多多指教,谢谢

Nowadays, there are more and more families have their private cars. People are more likely to go out by driving their own cars instead riding on public transportations. So I believe that in the following 20 years, there will be more cars in use in the world. There are following reasons to support my opinion.

First of all, people are living in a faster space of time, so they need a faster and more convenient way to go out; in this case, to go by cars is their first choice. Maybe, you will think that why not go by a public transportation. I think most of people in China would be tired of getting on a very crowded bus. Sometimes, we have to wait a bus for a long time. And also the buses will be stopped running in the early evening. If we work very late in the night, we will miss the buses. However, if we go by our private cars, we can go out at any time in a more quickly and comfortable way.   

Another point, cars are getting cheaper in the world, so that more people can afford to their own cars in  the future. With development of car industry, the cars will be more and more cheap in the future. In the past, there are only a few of people having their own cars like the CEO or government officers. But now many of the office workers have their private cars. It represents that owning a car is not a dream for normal citizen. In the future, I believe more and more normal citizens will buy their own cars.

What’s more, traveling by one’s own car becomes a new fashion in the world. In the weekend or holidays, people enjoy traveling to the country sides or other cities by their private car. For example, more families like to go to some places near the lake or forest far from the cities to have picnics by their own cars. It is a fashionable way to relax. So there will be more and more families to buy their own cars.

To sum up, for the reasons above, there will be more cars in use in the next 20 years. And I believe       going by cars will still be the most convenient and fast way for people to go out in the future.  

[ 本帖最后由 kathyfei2007 于 2008-9-5 14:29 编辑 ]

kturyUID: 2274868

Nowadays, there are more and more families have their private cars. People are more likely to go out by driving their own cars instead riding on public transportations. So I believe that in the following 20 years, there will be more cars in use in the world. There are following reasons to support my opinion.

First of all, people are living in a faster space[step] of time, so they need a faster and more convenient way to go out; in this case, to go by cars is their first choice[driving cars is their first choice]. Maybe, you will think that why not go by a public transportation[感觉有问题,但是说不上哪错了 我可能会说 ....that why people cannot take the public transportation] . I think most of people in China would be tired of getting on a very crowded bus. Sometimes, we have to wait a bus for a long time. And also the buses will be stopped running in the early evening. If we work very late in the night, we will miss the buses.[it is evitable that one missed the last bus, if he/she worked very late.] However, if we go by our private cars, we can go out at any time in a more quickly and comfortable way.   

Another point, cars are getting cheaper[the price of cars is decreasing] in the world, so that more people can afford to their own cars in  the future. With development of car industry, the cars will be more and more cheap in the future[重复]. In the past, there are only a few of people having their own cars like the CEO or government officers. But now many of the [DEL]office workers have their private cars. It represents that owning a car is not a dream for normal citizen. In the future, I believe more and more normal citizens will buy their own cars.

What’s more, traveling by one’s own car becomes a new fashion in the world. In the weekend or holidays, people enjoy traveling to the country sides or other cities by their private car. For example, more families like to go to some places near the lake or forest far from the cities to have picnics by their own cars. It is a fashionable way to relax. So there will be more and more families to buy their own cars. 给这段加个主题句: modern activities would increase the sale of automoblies.

To sum up, for the reasons above, there will be more cars in use in the next 20 years. And I believe       going by cars will still be the most convenient and fast way for people to go out in the future.  

第一次可以写成这样已经很厉害了,我水平也有限,只能改到这样的程度
总体讲结构很好,但是缺乏亮点 如很有说服力的例子-Ktury

有时间也帮我看看作文吧 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=875590&extra=

kathyfei2007UID: 2436983

改的很好，很多地方我自己在写的时候都没有意识到确实很别扭，句子质量不高，举例不生动。谢谢你的批改，以后要互相学习:handshake 。我的写作水平还有待提高。:)