COMEON作文小组9.9号作业－ansoncode

ansoncodeUID: 2528782

这两天有点忙 交晚了 抱歉 本文限时30分完成  并经过一小时修改（486字） 在开头结尾模板中各删去了一句废话 请大家狠拍！ 谢谢


Among movies nuts, there is an increasingly notable controversy concerning which typeof movie is better, serious or amusing movie. Preferring serious movies are those people who hold the opinion that it can always stimulate profound and meaningful thinking and introspection. As for as I concerned, people can acquire more beneficial points than weak ones from amusing movies, when considering the joviality and relaxation that audiences enjoy and helping to develop a sense of human .

To begin with, it is undeniable that serious movies has its own value by conveying deep and significant viewpoints regarding social problems, such as war, minor crime, as well as environmental pollution. We may cite an appropriate example which is very persuasive. The movie 'The Day After Tomorrow', developed from a popularscience fiction, depicts an awful and vivid scene that human beings are confronted with a destructive catastrophe along with drastical climate changes due to more and more serious green house effect, and therefore raise extensive public concerns and anxiety about current environment pollution issues. Thus, audience would go on a deep thinking alone or debating with others upon the issues raised by serious movies.

On the other hand, amusing movie, which often tries to tell funny stories and make itsaudience laugh, plays a key role in human psychological adjustment. After all, after busy days’ working on bothering chores, people would watch movies more likely for relaxation and pleasure. Take my own experience for example, when I was gripped by the funny and fascinating plots of the amusing movie andimmersed in world full of jokes and tricks, I could forget about anger, tensionand sadness and felt truly relaxed. After that I felt invigorated and energetic,and therefore can concentrate on my study and work more easily.

Moreover,by watching and talking about scenes from comedies, people can naturally learn how to be humorous. To be specific, it is nature for people to develop a sense of humor byimitating acting, thoughts and words of comedy actors. As we know, one with a sense of human are more likely to be an expert on communication, sometime conflicts, arguments and embarrassment can be dismissed by a piece of smart joke. What’s more, a humorous leader could create a free and harmonious atmosphere, in which group members can work in cooperation efficiently. As a result, watching amusing movie can foster a person sense of humor and further benefit the whole group.

To sum up, considerable though benefits serious movie provides are, they cannot compete with the pronounced merits that amusing movie brings about, when its cheering effects on audience and function of cultivating sense of humor are taken into account. From my point of views, these are the two most crucial criteria for movie nuts to consider, and amusing movie can contribute a lot to not only individual growth process but also the well being of the whole team.

[ 本帖最后由 ansoncode 于 2008-9-10 14:43 编辑 ]

candiceheUID: 2543359

今天公司的事情多，太忙了，晚点给你改 ；）

candiceheUID: 2543359

Among movies nuts, there is an increasingly notable controversy concerning which type of movie is better, serious or amusing movie. Preferring serious movies are those people who hold the opinion that it can always stimulate profound and meaningful thinking and introspection. As for as I (am) concerned, people can acquire more beneficial points than weak ones from amusing movies, when considering the joviality and relaxation that audiences enjoy and helping to develop a sense of human.（开头很好，很好的铺垫了观点，感觉像GRE的开篇）

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To begin with, it is undeniable that serious movies has its own value by conveying deep and significant viewpoints regarding social problems, such as war, minor crime, as well as environmental pollution. We may cite an appropriate example which is very persuasive. The movie 'The Day After Tomorrow', developed from a popular science fiction, depicts an awful and vivid scene that human beings are confronted with a destructive catastrophe along with drastical (drastic) climate changes due to more and more serious green house effect, and therefore raise extensive public concerns and anxiety about current environment pollution issues. Thus, audience would go on a deep thinking alone or debating with others upon the issues raised by serious movies.（感觉你这里并没有否定serious movie的意思, 人们对这些问题有些争论并不一定是坏事，还可能会促进某些科学的发展。再加一句用来否定它的结论性的话可能会好些）

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On the other hand, amusing movie, which often tries to tell funny stories and make its audience laugh, plays a key role in human psychological adjustment. After all, after busy days’ working on bothering chores, people would watch movies more likely for relaxation and pleasure. Take my own experience for example, when I was gripped by the funny and fascinating plots of the amusing movie and immersed in world full of jokes and tricks, I could forget about anger, tension and sadness and felt truly relaxed. After that I felt invigorated and energetic, and therefore can concentrate on my study and work more easily.（这段没有给我转折的感觉，这段本应该是你要说的重点，你要么否定上一段，要么给出强烈转折）

Moreover, by watching and talking about scenes from comedies, people can naturally learn how to be humorous. To be specific, it is nature for people to develop a sense of humor by imitating acting, thoughts and words of comedy actors. As we know, one with a sense of human(humor) are more likely to be an expert on communication, sometime conflicts, arguments and embarrassment can be dismissed by a piece of smart joke. What’s more, a humorous leader could create a free and harmonious atmosphere, in which group members can work in cooperation efficiently. As a result, watching amusing movie can foster a person sense of humor and further benefit the whole group.（扩大范围可能会更好，不要局限在group, 举例的时候可以用group, 总结的时候最好能上升到benefit all people around ）

To sum up, considerable though benefits serious movie provides are, they cannot compete with the pronounced merits that amusing movie brings about, when its cheering effects on audience and function of cultivating sense of humor are taken into account. From my point of views, these （指什么，哪两个？表达观点的语句要让人一目了然，而不是还的回头去找究竟是什么）are the two most crucial criteria for movie nuts to consider, and amusing movie can contribute a lot to not only individual growth process but also the well being of the whole team.?h5K'm5_T/b,l




优点：句式很灵活,很多地方的用词很好。
缺点：表达观点的语句力度不够。你即使不喜欢直接说出观点，也要用“足够“的相关词语让我感觉的你的观点。

不确定的地方：感觉你的文章像GRE的issue. 我觉得托福强调的是观点明确，例子恰当，合理支持观点。好像不太喜欢长句，复杂句。

这次我主要看你的观点以及论证过程了。没注意拼写，你自己放到word中看就行了。

最近GRE，IBT的作文一起看，有点混乱了。拍错别见怪！

[ 本帖最后由 candicehe 于 2008-9-11 12:48 编辑 ]