COMEON作文小组 ly876810月14日作业

ly8768UID: 2452066

求狠拍，我的作文从六级开始就没及格过...
谢谢～

It is a valuable issue to discuss whether a research center of business is better or that of agriculture, if a university designs to establish a research center in my country. In my perspective, I would prefer to develop a business institute rather than an agriculture one.

Firstly, there is no such urgent demand to allocate eminent privileges to enhance agriculture level in China. Admittedly, hardly will a race survive without the development of farming, yet I would argue that it is dispensable for Chinese denizens to worry about starvation due to lack of sufficient food supply. Chinese government has plunged massive resources on the field of agriculture in the past years. Consequently, food supply exceeds its demand and additionally the price of foods is maintained at such a comparatively low level that most civilians can afford it. Considering advanced agriculture of extent to which its production meets the demand of people, it is not essentially necessary to build a research center focusing on farming.

Nevertheless compared with the importance of agriculture in current society of China, economics probably plays a more significant role. We can never neglect the fact there is a gap between research level of business in China than that in the world wide. Under this circumstance, establishment of a business research center especially if the university intends to develop an international-famed institute will absolutely attract not only excellent economy experts of China, but also top researchers, professors and scholars all over the world. As a result, the research level in business will be improved in a large scale; hence, we will narrow gap in this area between my country and that in western country.

Convinced with the benefit above, I will verify the contention that a research center involved in business contributes to the prosperity of regional economy where the center locates or even that of the whole nation. It partly is ascribed to the fact that research topics in this center will mainly relate to Chinese economy; and partly results from the progress made in the research level in my country. Since the research level is improved, I have the confidence that universities including not only the one developing the research center but also others with business area will cultivate more qualified students majoring economics. Consequently problems with rare elites of business can be solved. Thus it is acceptable that economy will enjoy a boom in my country with the help of a business center.

As analyzed above, sufficient food supply, promotion of business research and economy enhancement are the three reasons why I prefer to build a business research center instead of a agriculture one.

jackallen0714UID: 2510951

sorry …… 网络问题……今晚来改…………:confused:

[ 本帖最后由 jackallen0714 于 2008-10-17 11:55 编辑 ]

weenbopperUID: 2423595

ＬＺ的作文水平很高，忍不住改了一下

weenbopperUID: 2423595

It is a valuable issue to discuss whether a research center of business is better or that of agriculture, if a university designs to establish a research center in my country. In my perspective, I would prefer to develop a business institute rather than an agriculture one.6N W/f}        qG!G
|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREk,Y
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Firstly, there is no such urgent demand to allocate eminent privileges to enhance agriculture level in China. Admittedly, hardly will a race survive without the development of farming, yet I would argue that it is dispensable for Chinese denizens to worry about starvation due to lack of sufficient food supply. （ＴＳ忒长了，而且传达的信息很模糊）Chinese government has plunged massive resources on the field of agriculture in the past years. Consequently, food supply exceeds its demand and additionally the price of foods is maintained at such a comparatively low level that most civilians can afford it. Considering advanced agriculture of extent to which its production meets the demand of people, it is not essentially necessary to build a research center focusing on farming.

Nevertheless compared with the importance of agriculture in current society of China, economics probably plays a more significant role. We can never neglect the fact there is a gap between research level of business in China than（between 是不是应该用and？） (its　counterpart换that) that in the world wide. Under this circumstance, establishment of a business research center ,especially if the university intends to develop an international-famed instit　ute,(这里改插入语结构会清晰很多) will absolutely attract not only excellent economy experts of China, but also top researchers, professors and scholars all over the world. As a result, the research level in business will be improved in a large scale; hence, we will narrow gap in this area between my country and that in（去掉that　in） western country.}(y^~k9b"E

Convinced with（by？） the benefit above, I will verify the contention that a research center involved in business contributes to the prosperity of regional economy where the center locates or even that of the whole nation. It partly is ascribed to the fact that research topics in this center will mainly relate to Chinese economy; and partly results from the progress made in the research level in my country. Since the research level is improved, I have the confidence that universities including not only the one developing the research center but also others with business area will cultivate more qualified students majoring in　economics. Consequently problems with rare elites of business can be solved.（这句话好象有点多余，而且我还没看懂，呵呵……） Thus it is acceptable that economy will enjoy a boom in my country with the help of a business center.
寄托家园$]5~,]&a'X$c`

As analyzed above, sufficient food supply（这里容易引起误会，使人觉得是b.c会提供食物，最好改成　已经有足够的food　supply）, promotion of business research and economy enhancement are the three reasons why I prefer to build a business research center instead of a agriculture one.
吹毛求疵了，改的不好见谅，欢迎回拍！

阿泰UID: 209473

互拍加分:o

aaimmortalUID: 2297730

It is a valuable issue to discuss whether a research center of business is better or that of agriculture, if a university designs to establish a research center in my country. In my perspective, I would prefer to develop a business institute rather than an agriculture one.（nice，好好向您学习）
Firstly, there is no such urgent demand to allocate eminent privileges to enhance agriculture（agricultural） level in China. Admittedly, hardly will a race survive without the development of farming, yet I would argue that it is dispensable for Chinese denizens to worry about starvation due to lack of sufficient food supply（这句话看起来别扭，我看了两边才懂，介意改一改it is unnecessary for chinese denizens to worry about starvation, considering the sufficient food supply, 个人觉得due to很negative）. Chinese government has plunged massive resources（应该用effort之类的吧，resource感觉不妥） on（in） the field of agriculture in the past years. Consequently, food supply exceeds its demand and additionally（删除additionally） the price of foods is maintained at such a comparatively low level that most civilians can afford it. Considering advanced agriculture of extent to which its production meets the demand of people（considering这句话可以删除了，有点啰嗦）, it is not essentially necessary to build a research center focusing on farming.

Nevertheless compared with the importance of agriculture in current society of China, economics probably plays a more significant role（这个论点不好，介于lz的第一个分论点论证了农业受到了足够重视而不需要再加强，我觉得不要比较农业没有经济重要，而是和后面论证对应，把business research不成熟作为论点）. We can never neglect the fact there is a gap between research level of business in China than that the world wide（and that of the world）. Under this circumstance, establishment of a business research center especially if the university intends to develop an international-famed institute will absolutely attract not only excellent economy experts of China, but also top researchers, professors and scholars all over the world. As a result, the research level in business will be improved in a large scale; hence, we will narrow gap in this area between my country and that in western country.
Convinced with the benefit above, I will verify the contention that a research center involved in business contributes to the prosperity of regional economy where the center locates or even that of the whole nation. It partly is ascribed to the fact that research topics in this center will mainly relate to Chinese economy; and partly results from the progress made in the research level in my country. Since the research level is improved, I have the confidence that universities including not only the one developing the research center but also others with business area will cultivate more qualified students majoring economics. Consequently problems with rare elites of business can be solved. Thus it is acceptable that economy will enjoy a boom in my country with the help of a business center.感觉这一段的论点（如果是第一句）很长，并且论证有些晦涩，没太理解：（，难道是我理解能力有问题？？ As analyzed above, sufficient food supply, promotion of business research and economy enhancement are the three reasons why I prefer to build a business research center instead of（这种情况应该用rather than） a agriculture one.

aaimmortalUID: 2297730

给我也加分吧，呵呵
我改的很认真哦
相互学习

ly8768UID: 2452066

谢谢你，你的意见很宝贵～

ly8768UID: 2452066

谢谢，我也觉得自己的TS太复杂，应该简化，信息应该明确