HERETIC作文小组——梦想在望2008 12月2日作业

梦想在望2008UID：2546295

Nowadays, a fair proportion of people argue as if it is a general truth that the extended family is less crucial than before. But, to be frank, I cannot agree with them. I hold the opinion that the extended family is as important as, if not more important than, the nuclear family. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

The main reason for my propensity for the extended family is that, in the extended family, household members can take care for each other. In China, especially in rural regions, it is very common that extended family are still are dominant. One family always have three or four generations in the same house they live. For example, the elders will look after their grandchildren, at the same time, the young or the middle-aged members in a family have the ability to support their parents or grandparents. In short, it can be said that it is beneficial for family number to get together for living.

Another reason can be seen by every person is that, if family members stay together, they can keep exchanging their feelings with each other . When the elders, the mid-aged and the young people or the teenagers live together, they are often inclined to communicate in emotion. For instance, chatting with the elder can not only relieve their sense of solitary, but also enhance the feeling between them and the youth. In contrast, the nuclear family, usually consisting of two adults and one child, is in deficiency of emotional communication. The adolescences in the nuclear family are almost busy doing their jobs, and have no enough time to look after their parents or other relatives. There is less opportunity for them to transfer their feelings in one family. Therefore, it is of great benefit for family members to stay together.

Furthermore, it is a reality that, in modern society there is a generation gap between the offspring and their grandparents. If they have chance to live together, the elders and their children will spend more time on exchanging emotions. Thus, it also contributes to the harmony of society.

In a word, taking into account of all these factors, we may reach the conclusion that in the present, the extended family is as significant as, if not more significant than it was.            

niuniu_dragonUID：2134273

HERETIC作文小组——梦想在望2008 12月2日作业
Nowadays, a fair proportion of people argue as if it is a general truth that the extended family is less crucial than before. But, to be frank, I cannot agree with them. （这个地方很牵强 像是硬憋出来的）I hold the opinion that the extended family is as important as, if not more important than, the nuclear family. （这个if not more important than 好像有个同学也用过 窃以为比这里用的好 我找到原句是这样子的）
My arguments for this point are listed as follows.（这个句子不要这样用 就根本不要用吧）

The main reason for my propensity for the extended family is that, in the extended family, household members can take care for each other.（开头是不是想用模板…但是用的不好了） In China, especially in rural regions, it is very common that extended family are still are dominant. （……这是怎么回事……）One family always have three or four generations in the same house they live（这个句子要再整理一下）. For example, the elders will look after their grandchildren, at the same time, the young or the middle-aged members in a family have the ability to support their parents or grandparents（是不是应该young对grandparents， middle对parents 更好一些？）. In short, it can be said that it is beneficial for family number to get together for living.（还是憋出来的）

Another reason can be seen by every person is that, if family members stay together, they can keep exchanging their feelings with each other. （把第三部分放在中间 把if放在最后 突出交流感情这个部分 而不是stay together这个部分）When the elders, the mid-aged and the young people or the teenagers live together, they are often inclined to communicate in emotion. For instance, chatting with the elder can not only relieve their sense of solitary, but also enhance the feeling between them and the youth. In contrast, the nuclear family, usually consisting of two adults and one child, is in deficiency of emotional communication. The adolescences（这个是青春期的意思 不是年青一代的意思 而且你的目的是想说 家中的劳动力那个代吧）in the nuclear family are almost busy doing their jobs, and have no enough time to look after their parents or other relatives. There is less opportunity for them to transfer their feelings in one family. Therefore, it is of great benefit for family members to stay together.（这个地方是这个样子的：最后一句总结说 stay together是很好 那么这句话之前尽量阐述stay的情形 如果像现在这个样子 之前说 nf不利于交流感情 那么总结的时候就顺水推舟 说nf不好 之后再说由此可见 ef好 即：语意的转折不要太快）

Furthermore, it is a reality that, （这个逗号没有必要 强硬的这么写很憋）in modern society there is a generation gap between the offspring and their grandparents. （这个地方的名词单复数要好好掂量一下 gp是一个普遍现象 而且后面都是s 之前的gp 也应该适当的调整为复数）If they have chance to live together, the elders and their children will spend more time on exchanging emotions. Thus, it also contributes to the harmony of society. （这个分论点 怎么说呢 可以一下子就被人家反驳 因为不得不承认 现在的代沟恰恰就是出现在住在一起的家庭中啊）

In a word, taking into account of all these factors, we may reach the conclusion that in the present, the extended family is as significant as, if not more significant than it was. （结尾单薄）
（梦想的文章有3个问题：一个是模板的使用 可以感觉你很想用 但是可能是不熟悉 就用的很别扭 建议先硬性的套用 然后再活学活用 二是有憋的感觉 这个的根源我觉得是肚子里面话少 想凑字数 建议对题目多思考 第三个就是不要硬性的写复杂句）