【12月-1月IBT综合备考大帖】之【TWE作文】ammyana12.8作业

ammyanaUID: 2529083

The break-neck speed of innovation,the erosion of traditional values and beliefs,the fickleness of life, and the instability of international relations are all from time to time cited as evidence that we live in a world radically different from our grandparents' time.Some people believe that living in such a modernized society with convenient facilities and diverse cultural activities,people would feel happier than ever.But from my personal angle alone,I oppose this statement for the following reasons.

First of all,environment problem,the product of industrialization and modern technology,has already become a killer to most people's happiness in terms of their physical health.Nowadays,in the city,most children cannot recall the conception about limpid river,blue sky,and serene and fresh air;instead,what they are surrounded are the forest of skyscrapers built by concrete and steel and crowded people with complaints and curses about the pollution from cars and factories.Besides,those toxic gases or particles in the air spread all over the world as the atmospheric circulation,hence threat human's health to a global extent.And even worse, doctors have met a lot of new diseases that they have never heard before and seem incurable.How can it be easier to live in such environment?

Apart from the hardship as to phiscal health,modern people are suffering  from all kinds of suvival stress and working pressure.They have to work day and night even without anytime to accompany their family members.Even for students,they feel obliged to work hard for limited places in prestigious universities in order to earn themselves a promising future.The quickened tempo of modern life spurs all young adults continuously to oppress themselves,sometimes even leading suicides.From the recent statistics we can clearly see the increasing tendency of criminal rates.In this sense,who can take it for granted that modern life is more comfotable?

To sum up,in spite of the technological development which indeed has brought us a more convenient life with advanced tools like cellphone and internet,we cannot instantly arrive at a concludsion that current life is better than ever.In a more general sense,we are obliged to be aware of the fact that modern life is not that easy to survive.

LonelydanceUID: 2456465

用此非常恰当,理由充分,而且有较复杂的句型,表明作者语言具有深厚的功底,着实令人佩服!

LonelydanceUID: 2456465

但需要指出的一点是:你的作文过多的提到了现代生活的劣处,但对grandparent时代的描述以及两者之间的对比很少,这是本文的瑕疵

泡面UID: 2513568

The break-neck speed of innovation, the erosion of traditional values and beliefs, the fickleness of life, and the instability of international relations are all from time to time cited as evidence that we live in a world radically different from our grandparents' time. Some people believe that living in such a modernized society with convenient facilities and diverse cultural activities, people would feel happier than ever. But from my personal angle alone, I oppose this statement for the following reasons.

First of all, environment problem, the product of industrialization and modern technology, has already become a killer to most people's happiness in terms of their physical health. Nowadays, in the city, most children cannot recall the conception about (of) limpid river, blue sky, and serene and fresh air; instead, what they are surrounded are the forest of skyscrapers built by concrete and steel and crowded people with complaints and curses about the pollution from cars and factories. Besides, those toxic gases or particles in the air spread all over the world as the atmospheric circulation, hence threat human's health to a global extent. And even worse, doctors have met a lot of new diseases that they have never heard before and seem incurable. How can it be easier to live in such environment?

Apart from the hardship as to phiscal （physical） health, modern people are suffering  from all kinds of survival  stress and working pressure. They have to work day and night even without anytime to accompany their family members. Even for students, they feel obliged to work hard for limited places in prestigious universities in order to earn themselves a promising future. The quickened tempo of modern life spurs all young adults continuously to oppress themselves, sometimes even leading (to) suicides. From the (a) recent statistics we can clearly see the increasing tendency of criminal rates. In this sense, who can take it for granted that modern life is more comfortable?

To sum up, in spite of the technological development which indeed has brought us a more convenient life with advanced tools like cell phone and internet, we cannot instantly arrive at a concludsion (conclusion) that current life is better than ever. In a more general sense, we are obliged to be aware of the fact that modern life is not that easy to survive.

楼主的文写得很好，值得我好好学习一下，特别是语言方面。
个别小错误，其他，本人能力有限，改不出什么了。

xiaojing1115UID: 2578357

The break-neck speed of innovation,the erosion of traditional values and beliefs,the fickleness of life, and the instability of international relations are all from time to time cited as evidence that we live in a world radically different from our grandparents' time.Some people believe that living in such a modernized society with convenient facilities and diverse cultural activities,people would feel happier than ever.But from my personal angle alone,I oppose this statement for the following reasons.(开头的长句很漂亮，使人眼前一亮，继续发挥哦)

First of all,environment problem,the product of industrialization and modern technology,has already become a killer to most people's happiness in terms of their physical health.Nowadays,in the city,most children cannot recall the conception about（of） limpid river,blue sky,and serene and fresh air;instead,what they are surrounded are the forest of skyscrapers built by concrete and steel and crowded people with complaints and curses about the pollution from cars and factories.Besides,those toxic gases or particles in the air spread all over the world as the atmospheric circulation,hence threat human's health to a global extent.And even worse, doctors have met a lot of new diseases that they have never heard before and seem incurable.How can it be easier to live in such environment?

(`'V
Apart from the hardship as to phiscal（physical） health,modern people are suffering  from all kinds of suvival stress and working pressure.They have to work day and night even without anytime to accompany their family members.Even for students,they feel obliged to work hard for limited places in prestigious universities in order to earn themselves a promising future.The quickened tempo of modern life spurs all young adults continuously to oppress themselves,sometimes even leading suicides.From the recent statistics we can clearly see the increasing tendency of criminal rates.In this sense,who can take it for granted that modern life is more comfotable?U@&}N9Y

寄托家园W nD.Z [OU
To sum up,in spite of the technological development which indeed has brought us a more convenient life with advanced tools like cellphone and internet,we cannot instantly arrive at a concludsion that current life is better than ever.In a more general sense,we are obliged to be aware of the fact that modern life is not that easy to survive.

语言优美，但是论据不够充分，总在叙述，可以适当加一些事实论据

[ 本帖最后由 xiaojing1115 于 2008-12-9 00:38 编辑 ]

ammyanaUID: 2529083

嗯嗯，写完就发现自己没比较，后悔了。。其实每段最后还可以加加compared with the older generations。。
谢谢大家指点！