Argument111【0906G ANap Hand 作文互改小组】第三次作业 by brokenwingssss

brokenwingssssUID: 2484462

第一次做作业  前两次都缺交      目前基本都不懂怎么写作   随便凑了篇模板     我的word拼写功能打不开 正在努力弄   见谅

狠拍

argument 111      The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of marketing at Dura-Sock, Inc.
"A recent study of Dura-Sock wearers suggests that our company is wasting the money it spends on its patented "Endure" manufacturing process, which ensures that our socks are strong enough to last for two years. Dura-Sock has always advertised its use of the "Endure" process, but the new study shows that the average Dura-Sock customer actually purchases new Dura-Socks every three months. Furthermore, Dura-Sock customers surveyed in our largest market, northeastern United States cities, say that they most value Dura-Sock's stylish appearance and availability in many colors. These findings suggest that Dura-Sock can increase its profits by discontinuing its use of the "Endure" manufacturing process."



In this memo,the vice president of marketing at Dura-Sock claims that the  "Endure" manufacturing process is wasting the company's money and suggests to discontinue it due to a recent study of the Dura-sock wearers. Close scrutiny of each of the facts, however, reaveals that none of them lend credible support to the recommendation.

Firstly, according to the data of the study ,the author draw a conclusion that the average Dura-Sock customer usually purchases new Dura-Socks every three months.Without specific details and information on the survey, the result is entirely questionable. Kinds of people's opinion and suggestions should be included in a valid and effective study .For example, the participants of this survey should include people who are rich or poor, who are young or old,  who pursue different careers like teachers ,worker and businessmen. Generalizability is the most significant aspect of a study.

Moreover, the president argue that the wearer focus on the stylish appearance and availability in many colors of socks not their endurance. This does not mean it is useless to ensure the socks' endurance. With the quality of the socks has been assured so that they tend to choose those socks with their favorate appearance and color. Also, may be only in the northeastern United States cities, customers value appearance and colors most. Residents in those less developed countries and villages would value the sock's quality rather than  appearance and colors.

Finally, discontinuing the use of the "Endure" manufacturing process may not increase profits because other company's product may occupy the market share that "Endure" used to be. This is not a helpful to a company's develop.The stronger the competitor is ,the weaker the company itself would be. On the other hand, importing a new product may cost much more than keeping the "Endure" manufacturing process.      

To sum up,this arguer fails to substantiate its claim that it is good to the company by discontinuing its use of the "Endure" manufacturing process,because the evidences cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains.

[ 本帖最后由 brokenwingssss 于 2008-12-31 21:12 编辑 ]

LucipharUID: 2483172

In this memo,the vicepresident of marketing at Dura-Sock claims that the  "Endure"manufacturing process is wasting the company's money and suggests todiscontinue it due to a recent study of the Dura-sock wearers. Closescrutiny of each of the facts, however, reaveals(reveals) that none of them lend(?)credible support to the recommendation.

Firstly, according to thedata of the study ,the author draw a conclusion that the averageDura-Sock customer usually purchases new Dura-Socks every threemonths.Without specific details and information on the survey, theresult is entirely questionable. Kinds of people's opinion andsuggestions should be included in a valid and effective study .Forexample, the participants of this survey should include people who arerich or poor, who are young or old,  who pursue different careers liketeachers ,worker and businessmen.(这个地方我感觉有问题, 即使调查中包括了贫富,老幼,职业, 又能如何呢?能和是否用两年有关系么?是不是抄的模板啊-_-) Generalizability(没这个单词) is the mostsignificant aspect of a study.

Moreover, the presidentargue that the wearer focus on the stylish appearance and availabilityin many colors of socks not their endurance. This does not mean it isuseless to ensure the socks' endurance. With the quality of the sockshas been assured so that they tend to choose those socks with theirfavorate(拼写) appearance and color. Also, may be only in the northeasternUnited States cities, customers value appearance and colors most.Residents in those less developed countries and villages would(感觉不要这么确定... 可以说possible) valuethe sock's quality rather than  appearance and colors.

Finally, discontinuing theuse of the "Endure" manufacturing process may not increase profitsbecause other company's product may occupy the market share that"Endure" used to be. This is not a(?) helpful to a company's develop.Thestronger the competitor(s?) is ,the weaker the company itself would be. Onthe other hand, importing a new product may cost much more than keepingthe "Endure" manufacturing process.(这句是想说什么呢?开发新产品要比Endure更贵? 即使这样,也不能说明Endure不应该取消啊...)      

To sum up,this arguer failsto substantiate its claim that it is good to the company bydiscontinuing its use of the "Endure" manufacturing process,because theevidences cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to whatthe arguer maintains.

总体来说 模板的意味比较浓... 模板要活用 也要加一些自己的语言
逻辑也要加强

brokenwingssssUID: 2484462

好快啊，非常感谢   

我才刚开始写，一点都不懂的   谢谢你的建议