Argument33【0906G 文以载道三月四月小组】第一周第一次作业 by curylnne

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Argument33【0906G 文以载道三月四月小组】第一周第一次作业 by curylnne

【题目】Arguement33

The following report appeared in an archaeology journal.
'The discovery of distinctively shaped ceramic pots at various prehistoric sites scattered over a wide area has led archaeologists to ask how the pots were spread. Some believe the pot makers migrated to the various sites and carried the pots along with them; others believe the pots were spread by trade and their makers remained in one place. Now, analysis of the bones of prehistoric human skeletons can settle the debate: high levels of a certain metallic element contained in various foods are strongly associated with people who migrated to a new place after childhood. Many of the bones found near the pots at a few sites showed high levels of the metallic element. Therefore, it must be that the pots were spread by migration, not trade.'

在广泛区域分散分布的很多史前遗迹发现的形状独特的陶壶导致考古学家提出疑问：这些壶是如何流传的？有些人相信壶的制造者迁移到别的地方并把壶随之带来；另一些人相信壶是通过贸易流传的，而他们的制造者留在一个地方。现在，对于史前人类骨骼的分析可以解决这个争论: 在多种食物中都含有的某种金属元素的高含量与那些成年后移居到新地方的人有很高的关联性。在一些遗迹的壶附近发现的很多骨头都显示出这种金属元素的高含量。因此，这些壶肯定是通过迁徙而不是贸易来流传的。

提纲，有了提纲才能明确你针对的重点是什么，方便你自己写，也方便修改的人迅速抓到要点。

【正文】
According to this argument, the author considers that the pots were spread by mirgation(migration). Showing this finding of(这是定语还是什么？主语是后面的bone吧？没看懂这句句子成份) the prehistoric human bones contained a certain metallic element which were(指一个元素,was) widely (found)(widely是副词，整句谓语不足) in the food those people had. However, the fact (is) that mints of the bones found near the pots that indicated high quantity metallic element(要做bone的定语从句吧，一句有两个that容易混淆，考虑用which) does not necessarily prove that the pots were diffused via migration, not trade. There are several flaws in this argument that can not demonstrate the conclusion very clearly.(汉语可以这样说，但是英语不要这样说。主语是flaws，flaws demonstrate conclusion,搭配不当。可以尝试改为There are several flaws in this argument that can not make the conclusion be demonstrated very clearly.)

First of all, the author made(前一段considers,一般现在时，这里又过去时，时态不符) a fallacy in problematic assumption in(on) the evidence to support the conclusion. As it mentioned in the argument, the author gives(时态，下面就不再提这个了) the proof that a certain metallic element have(has，一种元素) greatly(great，greatly副词，不修饰名词) correlation with migrator(migrators) who were moved after childhood. But it does not have any direct evidences(evidence) to testify that the food has(containing) the metallic element only ate by the group of pots' maker(pots makers). The author supposes the hypothesis that the handicraftsman is equal to the relocatee after childhood(修饰equal吗？不是的话，副词短语不能修饰名词). The argument lacks sufficient facts to make sure that the people who moved after childhood equates(equate to,后面makers用了复数) makers.

Furthermore, the author fails to establish a causal relationship between the fact that prehistoric human bones which (were) found around the pots within high concentrations of metallic element and the pots were spread by mirgation(migration,这个不改了). This argument, nonetheless ,is based on an oversimplified analysis of the cause of the bones contain(containing)  metallic element near the pots site, and the presumptuous correlation accordingly is unacceptable. Considering the result of the argument, the author acquiesces the suppose(supposition) that the metallic element must subside in human's bones, even so, evidence is not provide. Actually, it is(they are) equally possible(possibility) that the pots were spread by trade and the bones were not belong to the ceramic makers. In a word, the conclusion made by the author with not enough data(没有谓语).

On the whole, the argument given(gave) merely little proof to demonstrate it's(its) notion. Moreover, the author commits some logical flaws in statement, such as, problematic assumption and cause-effect fallacy. Therefore, the passage need much more amend by supply more data about the relationship between the people who mirgated after childhood and the metallic element.(有了这些还是不够的)

总体上说，理解了题目要求，写得还可以，词汇很多，但是运用有些不恰当。同时，时态，语态，句子结构需要一定的加强。摆脱掉中文的语言习惯，可能会更好一点，有些语言在中文行得通，英语不行。继续一起努力吧，加油！