issue228 感觉写这种文章快成一种模式了,郁闷

sophywUID: 203712

Topic:
The best way to teach—whether as an educator, employer, or parent—is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.

outline:
1. 开头,表明立场,不仅应该表扬positive,还应该批评negative,而非ignore
2.表扬positive的重要性
3.忽视negtive的危害
4.总结

Body:
The speaker claims that the best way to teach is that positive actions should be praised and on the contrary negative ones should be ignored. At first glance, this opinion seems to be somewhat convincing, but further reflection tells us that not only is positive actions praised, but negative actions should be also censured rather than ignore it.

Praising is an important impetus for the persons to strive. No corner on the earth is without the positive actions, some actions deserve awards and others are ignored. For some persons, it is the instinct that spurs them to pursue upper goal after bounding for a scheduled destination, just like the climber thirsts for scaling the peak of the mountains though they may lose their lives to achieve it. But not each and every person could step further merely by their instinct impetus, they may not even advance a little step without the praise from the peers, parents or employers. These persons, perhaps majority, are subjected to the environmental change and the reactions of others. For them whose further actions are dependent on the affirmation of the leaders or parents, the importance of praise cannot be overestimated. Therefore, to meet the demand of the persons caring about the feedback of others, we should generously put in eulogy to their positive actions and it will be a big motivation for their progress.

On the other hand, always praising the persons actions, what ever it is positive or negative, is silly. With the advent of modern society, the increase economy development is accompanied by corresponding the increase crime rate. A national survey is conducted and reveals an inevitable truth that most of the criminals is never censured by other persons even though their deeds are negative and harmful to the society. Although it is difficult for persons to introspect from time to time, criticism is indispensable during the period of person’s growing up. It poses an alarm for person’s action and stimulates them to introspect, if not always, occasionally. Ignoring the negative actions is hazard to the society, it lead persons not to envisage their mistakes and bog them down in the mirth of bad habits, verge of crime.

In sum, based on the reasons mentioned above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive than any of them, we may be comfortable to say that praising positive actions play a vital role, as an outer impetus, to persons’ struggle, but negative actions should not be ignored. Coping with it properly, people will make the society harmonious and flourish.

fhxyweiUID: 157384

发现你好高产呢，又写了一篇，

这也是一个"should"型题目，明天有空一定跟你改改：）

sophywUID: 203712

一天一篇issue,跟着猴哥来了,呵呵

我7.7考,比较早,没有办法呀,只有靠多写了,没有jj

sophywUID: 203712

up一下,fhxywei还没有帮我改那,再等等 :o

fhxyweiUID: 157384

哎呀，刚才改了一半，吃饭回来一看，网页过期，全废了

fhxyweiUID: 157384

Topic:
The best way to teach—whether as an educator, employer, or parent—is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.

outline:
1. 开头,表明立场,不仅应该表扬positive,还应该批评negative,而非ignore
2.表扬positive的重要性
3.忽视negtive的危害
4.总结

Body:
The speaker claims that the best way to teach is that positive actions should be praised and on the contrary negative ones should be ignored. At first glance, this opinion seems to be somewhat convincing, but further reflection tells us that not only is [are]positive actions praised, but negative actions should be also censured rather than ignore it.[中和立场，既要praise positive ones 又要criticize negative ones]

[这里用个On the one hand,和下面的on the other hand呼应，on the one hand 和on the other hand一般是讲两个相对立的意思]Praising is an important impetus for the persons to strive. No corner on the earth is without the positive actions[is 和without 不能搭配吧？], some actions deserve awards and others are ignored.[这句话中有两个句子] For some persons, it is the instinct that spurs them to pursue upper goal after bounding for a scheduled destination, just like the climber thirsts for scaling the peak of the mountains though they may lose their lives to achieve it. But not each and every person [But not every person]could step further merely by their instinct impetus[instinctive impetuses], [两句话之间不能用逗号]they may not even advance a little [small]step without the praise from the peers, parents or employers. These persons, perhaps majority, are subjected to the environmental change and the reactions of others. For them whose further actions are dependent on the affirmation of the leaders or parents, the importance of praise cannot be overestimated[这个用法有意思，cannot……too……是肯定的意思！]. Therefore, to meet the demand of the persons caring about the feedback of others, we should generously put in eulogy to[put in eulogy to这个短语我学到了：）] their positive actions and it will be a big motivation for their progress.

On the other hand, always praising the persons actions, what ever it[改成whatever,因为whatever=no matter what ] is positive or negative, is silly. With the advent of modern society, the increase[increasing] economy development is accompanied by corresponding[corresponding最好去掉] the increase[increasing] crime rate. A national survey is conducted and reveals an inevitable truth that most of the criminals is never[最好改成完成时态，have never been] censured by other persons even though their deeds are negative and harmful to the society. Although it is difficult for persons to introspect from time to time, criticism is indispensable during the period of person’s growing up. It poses an alarm for person’s action [注意单复数和后面的them要一致]and stimulates them to introspect, if not always, occasionally. Ignoring the negative actions is hazard[hazardous] to the society, it[it改成which would,用非限定性定于从句，与前面的才构成一句话] lead persons not to envisage their mistakes and bog them down in the mirth of bad habits, verge of crime.

In sum, based on the reasons mentioned above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive than any of them, we may be comfortable to say that praising positive actions play[单复数] a vital role, as an outer impetus, to persons’ struggle, but negative actions should not be ignored. Coping with it properly, people will make the society harmonious and flourish[flourishing].


批改总结：

1，思维逻辑方面：

主要论证了两层意思，逻辑很清晰，分析的也比较深入，一方面是说赞扬是人们奋斗的外部的动力，另一方面是说对负面行为忽视批评将可能会让人走上犯罪道路。还是写得很不错的。总的来说是一篇不错的文章了

觉得还有点改进之处，就象你说的一样，都成了一个模式了，先正面说一下，然后反面说一下，没有结合起来分析，也就是说还可以contrast这两方面，譬如：和既有赞扬又有批评相对照，仅仅是赞扬会带来那些弊端？就象imong说的一样，凡是比较的题目，千万别忘了"contrast"!

2，语法和写作技巧方面：[/color]

a, 要注意三个一致：主谓一致，单复数一致，时态一致，这是我们都喜欢犯的错误，有些低级的错误会降低我们分数的。

b,开头和结尾如果没有模版痕迹就更好了，有些新东方讲的模版已经被大家用烂了，现在连我都能看出来，何况ets!:)


以上就是我的个人拙见，我改的都是自己有把握的，可能由于中国式的思维有些错误我也改不出来，水平有限，见谅！！

sophywUID: 203712

谢谢楼上的,麻烦你了,bow :)

你真是太尽责了,强烈推荐你做斑竹,呵呵

那开头和结尾的模板都是自己总结的吗? 觉得要我自己写模板,真的很难呀:),感觉没有这个水平

按照楼上的说法,决定在表扬之后加上一段过多(仅有) 表扬的危害,这样的话,可能会觉得更深入些,不过担写不完

[ Last edited by sophyw on 2005-5-5 at 20:28 ]

leo_chenUID: 206840

Topic:
The best way to teach—whether as an educator, employer, or parent—is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.

outline:
1. 开头,表明立场,不仅应该表扬positive,还应该批评negative,而非ignore
2.表扬positive的重要性
3.忽视negtive的危害
4.总结

Body:
The speaker claims that the best way to teach is that positive actions should be praised and on the contrary negative ones should be ignored. At (the) first glance, this opinion seems to be somewhat convincing, but further reflection tells us that not only is positive actions praised, but negative actions should be also censured rather than ignore it.

Praising is an important impetus for the persons to strive. No corner on the earth is without the positive actions,: or --- some actions deserve awards and others are ignored. For some persons, it is the instinct that spurs them to pursue upper goal after bounding for a scheduled destination, just like the climber thirsts for scaling the peak of the mountains though they may lose their lives to achieve it. But not each and every person could step further merely by their instinct impetus, they may not even advance a little step without the praise from the peers, parents or employers. These persons, perhaps majority(觉得怪怪的), are subjected to the environmental change and the reactions of others. For them whose further actions are dependent on the affirmation of the leaders or parents, the importance of praise cannot be overestimated. Therefore, to meet the demand of the persons caring about the feedback of others, we should generously put in eulogy to their positive actions and it will be a big motivation for their progress.

On the other hand, always praising the persons actions, what ever it is positive or negative, is silly. With the advent of modern society, the increase economy development is accompanied by corresponding the increase(increased) crime rate. A national survey is conducted and reveals an inevitable truth that most of the criminals is never censured by other persons(others) even though their deeds are negative and harmful to the society. Although it is difficult for persons to introspect from time to time, criticism is indispensable during the period of person’s growing up. It poses an alarm for person’s action and stimulates them to introspect, if not always, occasionally. Ignoring the negative actions is hazard to the society, because it the ignoring lead leads persons not to envisage their mistakes and bog them down in the mirth of bad habits, the verge of crime.

In sum, based on the reasons mentioned above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive than any of them, we may be comfortable (we feel it is strong enough) to say that praising positive actions play plays a vital role, as an outer impetus, to persons’ struggle, but negative actions should not be ignored. Coping with it properly, people will make could expect the society harmonious and flourish.

smilehahaUID: 160198

开头和结尾的模版痕迹太明显了，不能这么写。这几个句子，我很久以前就看人用过了，如果你想拿5分以上，最好不要这样写。
不过刚开始写作文，很多人都喜欢这样写，但是再过段时间，你自己都会看不顺眼的。

smilehahaUID: 160198

On the other hand, always praising the persons（哪有名词这样修饰的，即使加也应该要加persons’，此外其实这个词是废词，没有用，主题句应该简洁） actions, what ever it(怎么用的是单数) is positive or negative, is silly. ？？？
To some extents, 你走题了。看看题目吧，看看你的第一段吧，题目没有提到表扬错误的方面，而是说发现了错误，是采取消极的忽视，还是积极的批评。如果这句作为主题句，那么你下面的内容围绕了这句话展开的吗？
如果你想以这句话的内容，你可以来一句递进。错误被忽视了，甚至是表扬。
即使你觉得我说的没道理，这句话，从语法上好像没有大错，但是你看看它的结构明显不美，后面部分改成“is silly， no matter what is negative or positive.”会比较符合老外习惯。

smilehahaUID: 160198

前面的话说得有点重，如果你才写了5篇issue的话，这个状态已经不错了，但是还有很长的路要走

sophywUID: 203712

笑笑gg:

题目是"表扬正确的,忽略错误的,是不是应该",我的论述是"表扬正确的应该,但是忽略错误不应该,应该予以批评",不觉的有什么走题啊,能说得具体点吗?

我的确又很多问题,好好改进啊!

btw:发现和你的mm分在一组了,大家共同努力啊 :)

smilehahaUID: 160198

On the other hand, always praising the persons actions, what ever it is positive or negative, is silly.
这句主题句，与题目的内容不符，而且后来发现这段内容并不是按照你的主题句展开的。这样是不对的。要紧扣主题

sophywUID: 203712

多谢笑笑, 明白了,以后注意,呵呵