Argument59第一篇argument恳请大家来互拍

yogurt4UID: 198389

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

格式不正确,可能就没人帮你看了哦

copia_cloudUID: 2182278

谢谢斑竹

copia_cloudUID: 2182278

那位来狠拍一下吧，留下链接，一定回复

copia_cloudUID: 2182278

为啥帮人家改了两篇却没人给我改呢？
水平有限但我确实是认认真真的改的啊
郁闷。。。。

小室黄瓜UID: 2155213

The arguer concludes that people at particular risk for the flu should therefore avoid prolonged exposure to the Sun. To support the conclusion, the arguer cited the records about six worldwide flu epidemics, and point out that epidemics happened in the years with heavy sunspot activity. However, a careful examination of the argument would reveal how groundless it is.（开头写得不错呀，符合要求吧，陈述论点，论据及引起辩论）To begin with, the argument relies on the available records about six worldwide flu epidemics during the past 300 years. The arguer provides no evidence that the available 300 years records (was ) suffice to be representative of the flu epidemics occurring in the whole human’s history. Perhaps a long time before 300 years, flu epidemics did not occurred in the years with heavy sunspot activity, but the records were not preserved. Moreover, the number of the flu epidemics, 6, might be insufficient to draw any reliable conclusions. Without ruling out these scenarios, the arguer’s claim is untenable.( 这段的思路对，但是总结性观点太多，缺乏例子)In addition, the arguer observes a correlation between the heavy sunspot activity and the worldwide flu epidemics, then asserts that the former is the cause of the latter. However, the arguer overlooks other possible explanations for the flu epidemics. Perhaps, it is a new kind of flu virus that is responsible for the flu epidemics. Or perhaps, the variety of the weather resulted （ that people are susceptible to the flu. ）（resulted in people’s unfitness for the weather）In short, without ruling out all other such factors, the arguer cannot convince me that the sunspot activity leads to the flu epidemics, let alone that people should avoid prolonged exposure to the sun. (感觉写的很保守，观点不够展开)

Even assuming the cause-and-effect relationship between the flu epidemics and the sunspot activity, it is impossible to assess the arguer’s broader recommendation that “people at particular risk” for the flu should therefore avoid prolonged exposure to the Sun. If by “people at particular risk” the arguer simply means （people those ）（those 去掉）who are weak or have some gene defect, then the claim would have some merit; otherwise, it would not. Absent a clear definition of the term, the arguer’s conclusion is unjustified. (还是总结性的语句占了这一段的大部分，例子也是一带而过，说明不了太大问题)
To sum up, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the arguer would have to provide more information about flu epidemics occurring in the whole history and other cause for it. Also, the arguer should definite the term more clearly.

第一篇阿狗，写得比我的第一篇好，结构和思路比较符合要求，但是最大的问题就是通篇都是感觉像模版的总结概括的东西，而缺少你自己的分析原因及有力的例子。我觉得作者应该在多花时间思考题目，和加强论证的说服力，多练一定会进步很大！
我也刚开始写阿狗，按照自己写的经历给你改，希望对你有用，以后大家互相多拍吧！！

copia_cloudUID: 2182278

谢谢小室黄瓜，感觉很中肯，呵呵
以后一起努力，加油

yogurt4UID: 198389

看到没,我说黄瓜是好同志吧:D
SALLY估计还没上来,她总是半夜来的
ANYHOW,MM加油了~:)

forrcUID: 2182275

The arguer concludes that people at particular risk for the flu should therefore avoid prolonged exposure to the Sun. To support the conclusion, the arguer cited the records about six worldwide flu epidemics, and point out that epidemics happened in the years with heavy sunspot activity. However, a careful examination of the argument would reveal how groundless it is.

To begin with, the argument relies on the available records about six worldwide flu epidemics during the past 300 years. The arguer provides no evidence that the available 300 years records suffice to be representative of the flu epidemics occurring in the whole human’s history. Perhaps a long time before 300 years, flu epidemics did not occurred in the years with heavy sunspot activity, but the records were not preserved.[此处不知道是不是应该分成两个句子来说，总感觉放到一句话里读起来有些别扭] Moreover, the number of the flu epidemics, 6, might be insufficient to draw any reliable conclusions. Without ruling out these scenarios, the arguer’s claim is untenable.

In addition, the arguer observes a correlation between the heavy sunspot activity and the worldwide flu epidemics, then asserts that the former is the cause of the latter. [此处改写一下，最后一句改为asserting that... 会连贯些]    However, the arguer overlooks other possible explanations for the flu epidemics. Perhaps, it is a new kind of flu virus that is responsible for the flu epidemics. Or perhaps, the variety of the weather resulted that people are susceptible to the flu. In short, without ruling out all other such factors,  [此处去掉all other ，直接说other factors,否则重复 ]  the arguer cannot convince me that the sunspot activity leads to the flu epidemics, let alone that people should avoid prolonged exposure to the sun.

Even assuming the cause-and-effect relationship between the flu epidemics and the sunspot activity, it is impossible to assess the arguer’s broader recommendation that “people at particular risk” for the flu should therefore avoid prolonged exposure to the Sun. If by “people at particular risk” the arguer simply means people those who are weak or have some gene defect, then the claim would have some merit; otherwise, it would not. Absent a clear definition of the term, the arguer’s conclusion is unjustified.

To sum up, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the arguer would have to provide more information about flu epidemics occurring in the whole history and other cause for it. Also, the arguer should definite the term more clearly.

整篇文章句式略显单一，虽然主要考得是逻辑能力，但是语言也应丰富一些吧，我也处在这个阶段，大家一起努力，
呵呵，有时间帮我看看agru，谢谢了
http://www.gter.edu.cn/bbs/viewt ... &extra=page%3D7