Issue226 请求拍拍，互相拍拍！！！

zyybUID: 2193607

第一篇issue.不限时写的，构思没限时，仅敲键盘就敲了一小时多！大家看看，能有几分水平呢？珍惜每一条宝贵意见！谢谢！！！！欢迎猛拍:@
words: 560
题目：
People are mistaken when they assume that the problems they confront are more complex and challenging than the problems faced by their predecessors. This illusion is eventually dispelled with increased knowledge and experience.

提纲：
A number of problems we face now are as complex and challenge as those our predecessors meet.
We also have to confront many new types of problems, more complex and challenge.The first example is environmental problem.
The second is finite world natural recourses.
The third is science advancement.


Is it an illusion that the problems people confront are more complex and more challenge than the problem faced by their predecessor? The speaker claims so. While I concede that many problems we face now are the same complex and challenge as those our predecessors confronted, otherwise, in my view, at the same time people have to deal with many more difficult things, as the technology and society advance.

Admittedly, a number of problems we face now are as complex and challenge as those our predecessors meet, especially some respects of social problems. For example, people suffer from hungry, homeless, and diseases over the whole span of human history, because of the poor natural reason, the lasting war, and so forth. People in any span of history cannot solve such problems ultimately. Therefore, some problems are equal complex and challenge to today' people and their predecessors.

I turn next to my chief point of contentment with the statement. In today' world, we also have to confront many new types of problems, more complex and challenge. Consider the following examples. The first unique difficulty we face now unlike those our predecessors faced is serious environmental problem. For supporting examples, the increasing quantities of harmful emissions destroy the ozone, which protects people from cancer, and warm the Earth to a dangerous level. Another pollution is from factories, where harmful chemical release to the surroundings, thus leading many spices die away. So, environmental pollution is a new kind of complex and challenge problem, which predecessors had never confronted.

The second unique problem we have to deal with nowadays is the global increasing dependences on finite world natural recourses. Take a persuasive example. The increasing price of petroleum and many political and economic problems due to the petroleum price can prove that people are showing more and more dependences on such finite recourses as petroleum, petroleum gas, coal, and so on. Furthermore, the ever-increasing human population and the over-consumption put the world to an age of energy danger. Thus, the problem relating to energy we confront is more difficult than that our predecessor faced.

Another more complex and challenge problem comes from science advancement, which brings human several of negative impact, though it gives us benefits as well. For example, modern science enables human to cure and prevent the diseases that may kill our predecessors, however, some diseases are more easily to become world widely epidemics. Thus, we have more complex and challenge to prevent diseases become mass destruction.

In sum, whether the problems we confront contemporary are more complex and challenge or not is determined on a case-by-case analysis. In my view, more complex and challenge problems, as well as the same ones, and even less complex problems are coexist in our society, and this situation will exist in the future.

[ 本帖最后由 zyyb 于 2006-7-18 22:44 编辑 ]

runningpiggyUID: 194977

占座。。

zyybUID: 2193607

谢谢你！！期待中:)我觉得我的语言功底比较薄弱，正在通过阅读和背诵来提高，同时正在熟悉题库，和总结例子。在一个月的时间里我还应该改进那些地方能有最快的提高？谢谢嘉！！祝我们都顺利！！:victory:

runningpiggyUID: 194977

Is it an illusion that the problems people confront are more complex and more challenge than the problem faced by their predecessor? The speaker claims so.[完全没有新意的restate，还有就是不要为了回答而提问] While I concede that many problems we face now are the same complex and challenge as those our predecessors confronted,[我认为这里说得有点太过分了，怎么能说是the same呢？顶多用个comparative就好了吧] otherwise, in my view, at the same time people have to deal with many more difficult things, as[such as] the technology and society advance. [开头还不错，除了最前面的那句]

Admittedly, a number of problems we face now are as complex and challenge as those our predecessors meet, especially some respects[aspects] of social problems.[整段才几句，光TS就写这么长，那后面不是没有篇幅论述了？以后注意下，把篇幅留给真正论述的地方] For example, people suffer from hungry, homeless,[hunger, houselessness] and diseases over the whole span of human history, because of the poor natural reason[natural conditions], the lasting war, and so forth.[给你个建议，前面你列了三个现象，饥饿，没地方住和疾病，那后面说原因的时候也列举三个，一一对应] People in any span of history cannot solve such problems ultimately.[这个又是为什么，我认为需要深究] Therefore, some problems are equal[副词] complex and challenge[形容词] to today' people and their predecessors. [说实在话，这段很短，具体论述也没几句，但是我觉得这就是一个好文章的雏形，麻雀虽小，五脏俱全的感觉。你需要做的就是保持这清晰的逻辑，然后给文章增肥，还有就是把某些语法错误给避免掉]

I turn next to my chief point of contentment with the statement.[这句话没有必要，用个however之类的过渡就行] In today' world, we also have to confront many new types of problems, more complex and challenge[形容词]. Consider the following examples. The first unique difficulty we face now unlike those our predecessors faced is serious environmental problem[缺冠词，或者这里用复数]. For supporting examples, the increasing quantities of harmful emissions destroy the ozone[the layer of ozone], which protects people from cancer[ultraviolet], and warm the Earth[首字母不需大写] to a dangerous level. Another pollution is from factories, where harmful chemical release to the surroundings, thus leading many spices[怎么会是这个词？species，还有回去查一下spices什么意思][to] die away. So[这个词不要放句首，而且不要用逗号隔开], environmental pollution is a new kind of complex and challenge[晕，怎么一直都写错] problem, which predecessors had never confronted. [我觉得最后这里没写好，没写到为什么我们的前辈没有面对这种问题，主要原因我想就是这些污染问题其实就是我们的前辈造成的。还有，这段跟后面那段没有必要分开，内容这么相关的段落分开来干嘛？另外写consider examples的时候加上你是分哪两个方面来说的，写supporting example的时候也加上分哪两个方面写的]

The second unique problem we have to deal with nowadays is the global increasing dependences on finite world natural recourses.[问题的根源似乎是资源会用完吧] Take a persuasive example[为什么不直接写for example呢？这样写的感觉好别扭]. The increasing price of petroleum and many political and economic problems due to the petroleum price can prove that people are showing more and more dependences on such finite recourses as petroleum, petroleum gas, coal, and so on. Furthermore, the ever-increasing human population and the over-consumption put the world to an age of energy danger[一般是用crisis]. Thus, the problem relating[related] to energy we confront is more difficult than that our predecessor faced. [这里根本就没有分析过我们的predecessor的情况然后就得出这个结论，实在有点蛮不讲理。还有，分析问题要更清楚些，写完最开始的那句然后就要分析问题是怎么造成的，而不是上来就举例]

Another more complex and challenge[又来了] problem comes from science advancement, which brings human several of[some就行了] negative impact, though it gives us benefits as well.[这段其实也不用分出来] For example,[实在是个坏习惯，一上来就举例] modern science enables human to cure and prevent [from] the diseases that may[不应该说may，应该说已经kill了] kill our predecessors, however, some diseases are more easily[are easier] to become worldwidely epidemics. Thus, we have[不是we have，是it is] more complex and challenge[晕倒] to prevent diseases [from becoming]become mass destruction. [这里说的只是科学的一方面，最好能把这个展开点]

In sum, whether the problems we confront contemporary[副词] are more complex and challenge[唉] or not is determined on[should be determined by] a case-by-case analysis. In my view, more complex and challenge[无数次了] problems, as well as the same ones[the same ones？读上去真的很别扭], and even less complex problems are coexist[不要are，而且为什么是coexist] in our society, and this situation will exist in the future. [不知为何，结尾处好多语法问题]


[总体来说，文章还很不成熟，我建议你以后写每个分段都能像这篇里的第一个分论点那样，逻辑清晰些，当然那段也是需要扩充一下的，这么少东西的一段真的没什么说服力。还有就是这语法实在看得让人郁闷，以后写的时候一定要注意。语言上也没啥亮点，慢慢加强吧]