ISSUE16 欢迎大家猛拍，不用给面子

airfdsUID: 2202755

感觉上好象写错了，每次写ISSUE都可以写很多字，但是感觉上总是很空洞。

TOPIC: ISSUE16 - "Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals."
WORDS: 673          TIME: 0:42:13          DATE: 2006-7-17

Does the luxuries and conveniences of recent life lead individuals to be dependent and weakness? I agree with part of the assertion which claims that the luxuries may result the impedient for the development of people. However, the speaker extend the range of the factors to embrace that the convenience in the recent world, which might only lead people to have more time to have further thought. The reasons of my judgement lists as follows.

To begin with, I agree insofar with the point that people turn out to be lazier to research the technologies since they could quickly gain the information by means of computers. This centry has been called as "the era of information". It could be easily to conduct that we now get the latest new from internet only several minutes after the events take place. The instant news upon the develped technology cultivate the people to drop their interest in exploring differnt matters. For example, more people live in this era hope to establish great business, which might produce a large amout of wealth, instead of presistent in the studying in mathmatics. The pure scientic knowledge seems to be useless with the apperance of luxuries life. Without the philosophy of deeper thought, people would not develop to a strong one since they only emphasis on the lastest wealth they process.

Indeed, the luxury life in this era make people to undermine the effection of the communication with others, which might only result the isolation of different individuals. The instant information obtained on webs or television decrease the wish for people to talk with others. To take the popularity of the chatting online as an example. People wish to talk with others of some fake topics by means of the luxuries and instant technology instead of the face-to-face communicate of their real thought to the closer friends and relatives. This might be the result that the luxuries of today's life lead a isolation of individual. One wish to make progress have to develop his  intercommunication skills, since only by means of this, the change of ideas might bring new thought. Otherwise, the backwards would not easy to be found because the self-centred people always view themselves as the best ones.

Admittedly,I concede that the conveniences of the recent times would permit people to have more time to display themselves. Look at the recent world, everywhere is full of the instant food, the fast transportation and autometical machines. All these things allow people to save more time to deal with the private affairs for themselves. It take months for the past people to travel from country to country, or even from city to city in one country. However, the areoplane permit people to use only hours to get the destionation. A large amout of time have been saved which allow people to have more time to thought about the deep question. All the convinience may lead the condition of strong and independent individuals.

Moreover,the conveniences would also ensure people to accomplish the works with moderner technologies, which have the effect to result the perfect works. The convience of the recent world cultivate people to perform better in their job. People could found instant information need for their job, they could ask questions in the first time to solve the problems or even they have the chance to discuss the problems with the superior from hundreds miles away on phones. All the permission lead the increased capability of individuals this year. In the past, people enjoy the light of the moon, however, people in this era try to explore wether people could move their home to the moon. The strongness and independent is easily to discovered by means of the convenient technology.

In sum, the statement might not be a all-rounded thought of the situation of the era, since the pros and cons of luxuries and convenience of recent world should be taken into account in the same time. The concequences of the infulence caused by them has to be considered dependently.

runningpiggyUID: 194977

占座。。

airfdsUID: 2202755

谢谢+BZ
辛苦你了，拜托了

runningpiggyUID: 194977

给你说一句，把语法错误都改了再发上来我再改，我看到一半就想吐了，每句话都有语法错误。

airfdsUID: 2202755

哦，我会改正的

airfdsUID: 2202755

先改一遍，明天早上起来了我再改一遍

TOPIC: ISSUE16 - "Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of  contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals."
WORDS: 673          TIME: 0:42:13          DATE: 2006-7-17

Do the luxuries and conveniences of recent life lead individuals to be dependent and weakness? I agree with part of the assertion which claims that the luxuries may result the impedient for the development of people. However, the speaker extends the range of the factors to embrace the convenience in the recent world, which might only lead people to have more time for further thought. The reasons of my judgement list as follows.

To begin with, I agree insofar with the point that people turn out to be lazier to research technologies since they could quickly gain the information by means of computers. This century is named for "the era of information". It is easily to imply that we now get the latest new from internet only several minutes after the events took place. The instant news cultivate people to lay their interest in exploring differnt matters. For example, more people live in this era hope to establish great business, which might produce a large amount of wealth, instead of persistent in the studying in science such as physics and mathematics. The pure scientic knowledge seems to be useless with the emergence of luxuries life. Without exploration of philosophy, people would not develop to a strong one since they only emphasis on the lastest wealth they have gained.

Indeed, the luxury life in this era lead people to undermine the effect of communication with others, the result of which might be isolation of different individuals. The instant information obtained on webs and televisions decreases the demand of people to talk with others. To take the popularity of the chatting online as an example. People wish to talk with others of some unrealistic topics by means of the luxuries and instant technology rather than the face-to-face communication of their real thought to the closer friends and relatives. This might be the result that the luxuries of today's life lead isolation not dependent of individual. One, who wishes to make progress has to develop his intercommunication skills, thus the change of ideas might bring new thought. Otherwise, people would not keep up with the trend and the backwards would not be easily found because the self-centre people always view themselves as the best ones.

Admittedly,I concede that the conveniences of techniques would permit people to have more time to show off themselves. Look at the recent world, everywhere is full of the instant food, the fast transportation and autometical machines. All these allow people to save more time to deal with the private affairs for themselves. It takes months for the past people to travel from country to country, or even from city to city. However, the areoplanes permit people to use only hours to get the destination. A large amount of time has been saved which allows people to have more time to thought about the deep question. All the convinience may lead the condition of strong and independent individuals.

Moreover,the conveniences would also ensure people to accomplish the works with modern technologies, which have the effect on perform better works. The convenience of the recent world cultivates people to perform better in their job. People could find instant information needed for their job, they could ask questions when they discovered in order to solve the problems or even they have the chance to discuss the problems with the superior from hundreds miles away on phones. All the permission leads the increased capability of individuals this century. In the past, people enjoy the light of the moon, however, people in this era try to explore how could people move their homes to the moon. The strongness and independent is easily to discovered by means of the convenient technology.

In sum, the statement might not be an all-rounded consideration of the situation of this era, since the pros and cons of luxuries and convenience should be taken into account in the same time, while the consequences of the influence caused by them has to  be considered dependently.

airfdsUID: 2202755

我又改过了

TOPIC: ISSUE16 - "Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals."


Do the luxuries and conveniences of recent life lead individuals to be dependent and weaness? I agree with part of the assertion which claims that luxuries serve as one reason for impedient development of people. However, the speaker extends the range of the factors   to embrace the convenience, which cultivate people to enjoy an efficient life. The reasons of my point of view list as follows.

To begin with, I agree insofar with the point that the luxury life may lead people forfeit their spirit and emotions to innovate and create. Individuals in the contemporary century prefer to enjoy the luxuries rather than dedicate themselves to the exploration in different disciplines. In the past, Edison suffered from thousands of failures in order to figure out the suitable material of bulb filament, thus we could live in a bright world. Stevenson persisted in the invention of trains, thus we could travel freely from city to city. However, people now regard electricity and automobiles as the necessities rather than  luxuries. People go to work by cars, commute by buses and travel by trains, all of which seem to be common for them. The well developed technologies meet the demand of people in this century, and they take no ideas about innovation and creation. Gradually, people lost their strength for exploration, meanwhile they become more dependent on the technologies they obtained.

Indeed, everyone becomes an isolated person rather than an independent one, because the luxury life undermine the effect of communication with different individuals. The instant information obtained on webs and televisions decreases the demand of people to talk with others. Consider about the popularity of chatting online, people wish to talk with strangers about some unrealistic topics by means of the luxuries and latest technology rather than taking face-to-face communication about their real thought to the closer friends and relatives. One, who wishes to make progress has to develop his intercommunication skills, and the exchange of ideas might bring new thought. Otherwise, people would not keep up with the trend and the backwards would not be easily found because the isolated people always view themselves as the best ones.

Moreover, people turn out to be money-oriented rather than science-oriented in contemporary society under the catalytic effect of the luxuries. Cars are defined to reveal status rather than a kind of transportation. Most people dream of driving BMW, one of the luxury automobiles. In order to make more money, people try any means without consciousness. The environment has been polluted, the forests have been cut down to set up buildings, and the living space left for us is crowded than ever. The possession of wealth does not reveal the strength of a person. On the other hand, it only indicate how individual depend a lot on the luxury life they have gained.

Admittedly, I concede that the conveniences permit people to have an efficiency life. Look at the recent world, everywhere is full of instant food, fast transportation and automatic machines. All these allow people to save more time to deal with the private affairs. It takes months for businessmen to travel from country to country, accomplishing only one business. However, it cost them to get agreement on contract only minutes via internet. In addition, thanks to automatic machines, women are released for housework and they could contribute themselves in their career. The conveniences lead a sound foundation for people to improve their strength, since more effort could be made on their jobs and works.

In sum, the statement might not be an all-rounded consideration of the situation of this century, since the pros and cons of luxuries and convenience should be taken into account in the same time, while the consequences of the influence caused by them has to be considered dependently.

[ 本帖最后由 airfds 于 2006-7-19 08:26 编辑 ]

airfdsUID: 2202755

中午又改了一遍

TOPIC: ISSUE16 - "Although many people think that the luxuries and
conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they
actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent
individuals."


Do the luxuries and conveniences of recent life lead individuals to be
dependent and weakness? I agree with part of the assertion which implies that
luxuries serve as one reason for impedient development of people. However,
the speaker extends the range of the factors to embrace the convenience,
which cultivate people to enjoy an efficient life. The reasons of my point of
view list as follows.

To begin with, I agree insofar with the point that the luxury life may lead
people forfeit their spirit and emotions to innovate and create. Individuals
in the contemporary century prefer to enjoy the luxuries rather than dedicate
themselves to the exploration in different disciplines. In the past, Edison
suffered from thousands of failures in order to figure out the suitable
material of bulb filament, thus we could live in a bright world. Stevenson
persisted in the invention of trains, thus we could travel freely from city
to city. However, people now regard electricity and automobiles as the
necessities rather than  luxuries. People go to work by cars, commute by
buses and travel by trains, all of which seem to be common for them. The well
developed technologies meet the demand of people in this century, and they
have no ideas about innovation and creation. Gradually, people lost their
strength for exploration, meanwhile they become more dependent on the
technologies they obtained.


Indeed, everyone becomes an isolated person rather than an independent one,
because the luxury life undermine the effect of communication with different
individuals. The instant information obtained through webs and medias
decreases the demand of people to talk with others. Consider about the
popularity of chatting online, people wish to talk with strangers about some
unrealistic topics by means of the latest technology rather than taking
face-to-face communication about their real thought to the closer friends and
relatives. One, who wishes to make progress has to develop his
intercommunication skills, and the exchange of ideas might bring new thought.
Otherwise, people would not keep up with the trend and the backwards would
not be easily found because the isolated people always view themselves as the
best ones.

Moreover, people turn out to be money-oriented rather than science-oriented
in contemporary society under the catalytic effect of the luxuries. Cars are
defined to reveal status rather than a kind of transportation. Most people
dream of driving BMW, one of the luxury automobiles. In order to make more
money, people try any means without consciousness. The environment has been
polluted to reduce costs, the forests have been cut down to set up buildings,
and the living space left for us is crowded than ever. The possession of
wealth does not reveal the strength of a person. On the other hand, it only
indicate how individual depend on the luxury life they have gained.

Admittedly, I concede that the conveniences permit people to have an
efficiency life. Look at the recent world, everywhere is full of instant
food, fast transportation and automatic machines. All these allow people to
save more time to deal with the private affairs. It takes months for
businessmen to travel from country to country, accomplishing only one
business. However, it costs them to get agreement on contract only minutes
via internet. In addition, thanks to automatic machines, women are released
from housework and they could contribute themselves in their career. The
conveniences lead a sound foundation for people to improve their strength,
since more effort could be made on their jobs and works.

In sum, the statement might not be an all-rounded consideration of the
situation of this century, since the pros and cons of luxuries and
convenience should be taken into account in the same time, while the
consequences of the influence caused by them has to be considered
dependently.

[ 本帖最后由 airfds 于 2006-7-19 13:31 编辑 ]

runningpiggyUID: 194977

Do the luxuries and conveniences[这个词没有复数的吧] of recent life lead individuals to be dependent and weakness?[不要为了回答而提问，尽量用陈述语气去写issue] I agree with part of the assertion which implies that luxuries serve as one reason for impedient[这个地方我觉得用emcumbering会比较好，这个impedient不知道你是想表达名词的意思还是形容词的意思，而且我觉得两个意思都不对头] development of people. However, the speaker extends the range of the factors to embrace the convenience, which cultivate people to enjoy an efficient life. The reasons of my point of view list as follows. [这个地方我建议你把你的原因简要的介绍一下，用几个词或者几个短语]

To begin with, I agree insofar with the point that the luxury[用形容词或者不要后面的life] life may lead people[lead...to] forfeit their spirit and emotions to innovate and create.[有个innovate我觉得就够了，create有点多余，或者直接写lead people to forfeit their innovation and creativity] Individuals in the contemporary century[century多余] prefer to enjoy the[the多余] luxuries rather than dedicate themselves to the exploration in different disciplines.[写完这句话如果写一下为什么那就更好了] In the past, Edison suffered from thousands of failures in order to figure out the suitable material of bulb filament, thus we could live in a bright world.[这句话读起来也怪怪的，我觉得用个without...we could not会比较顺] Stevenson persisted in the invention of trains, thus we could travel freely from city to city. However, people now regard electricity[前面说的是edison这里怎么会是电力] and automobiles as the necessities rather than luxuries.[为啥不剖析一下这个是为什么，老列观点并不是好事] People go to work by cars, commute by buses and travel by trains, all of which seem to be common for them. The well developed[缺连字符] technologies[这个没有复数] meet the demand of people in this century, and they have no ideas about innovation and creation. Gradually, people lost their strength for exploration, meanwhile they become more dependent on the technologies[同前面] they obtained.[这段写得还不错，可是结尾没了，分析着分析着就没得看了]

Indeed, everyone becomes an isolated person rather than an independent one, because the luxury[形容词] life undermine the effect of communication with[among] different individuals. The instant information obtained through webs and medias decreases the demand of people to talk with others. Consider about the popularity of chatting online[这两个词反过来], people wish to talk with strangers about some unrealistic topics by means of the latest technology rather than taking[to take，看看前面到底是什么] face-to-face communication about their real thought to the[不要the] closer friends and relatives. One, who wishes to make progress has to develop his[or her] intercommunication skills, and the exchange of ideas might bring new thought. Otherwise, people would not keep up with the trend and the backwards would not be easily found because the isolated people always view themselves as the best ones. [第一个问题是跟前面一段一样，没有了结尾。还有就是整个论述的点没抓好，要说的应该是你第一句话里的内容，可是实际上看到的确是很specific地写着网上聊天的弊病和长此以往的坏处。可你要看看这样的内容是否能紧扣你的主题]

Moreover, people turn out to be money-oriented rather than science-oriented[似乎这个跟money-oriented不是对应的吧，我觉得应该是knowledge-oriented才比较对头，就说science太specific] in contemporary society[society多余] under the catalytic effect of the luxuries. Cars are defined to reveal status rather than a kind of transportation. Most people dream of driving BMW, one of the luxury[形容词] automobiles. In order to make more money, people try any means without consciousness. The environment has been polluted to reduce costs, the forests have been cut down to set up buildings, and the living space left for us is crowded than ever[before]. The possession of wealth does not reveal the strength of a person. On the other hand, it only indicate how individual depend on the luxury[同前面] life they have gained. [跟之前类似，你说的内容是人们比以往更看重钱这个现象，可你没有把这个现象的原因说清楚，一直在陈述一个事实，而没有说出根本的问题]

Admittedly, I concede that the conveniences[没有复数] permit people to have an efficiency[形容词] life. Look at the recent world, everywhere is full of instant food, fast transportation and automatic machines. All[of] these allow people to save more time to deal with the private affairs. It takes months for businessmen to travel from country to country, accomplishing only one business. However, it costs them[这里跟时间，然后在写to do] to get agreement on contract only minutes via internet. In addition, thanks to automatic machines, women are released from housework and they could contribute themselves in[to] their career. The conveniences[同前面] lead a sound foundation for people to improve their strength, since more effort could be made on their jobs and works[表工作的时候不可数]. [问题跟前面一段一样，写的都是表面的情况，还有就是段落都是没有结尾的，写完自己想说的然后就结束了，最后要把之前所说的总结一下]

In sum, the statement might not be an all-rounded consideration of the situation of this century, since the pros and cons of luxuries and convenience should be taken into account in[at] the same time, while the consequences of the influence caused by them has to be considered dependently. [总结的时候不要说statement怎么样，说你自己的看法，说你究竟支持什么]


[整体来说文章因为分了四个段落去论述，我觉得每个段落的篇幅都有点不足，感觉话没说够就结束了。还有论述不够深入，仅仅写到了表面现象。语言也有点欠缺，不说没看到什么好词好句，竟然还出现了很多语法问题，这个值得下苦功，没有人会喜欢看一篇满是语病的文章的。总的来说还行，不过还有很多要加强，继续努力！]

airfdsUID: 2202755

谢谢斑斑
我再改

airfdsUID: 2202755

斑斑

题目当中是conveniences

confused:confused:

airfdsUID: 2202755

每段的小结还不是很会写，先小修改一下，明天早上再改一次。

TOPIC: ISSUE16 - "Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals."

The speaker contends that the luxuries and convenience of recent life lead individuals to be dependent and weakness. I agree with part of the assertion which implies that luxuries serve as one reason for emcumbering development of people. However, the speaker extends the range of the factors to embrace the convenience, which cultivate people to enjoy an efficient life. [这个地方我建议你把你的原因简要的介绍一下，用几个词或者几个短语]

To begin with, I agree insofar with the point that the luxurious life may lead people forfeit their spirit and emotions to innovate. Individuals in contemporary prefer to enjoy luxuries rather than dedicate themselves to the exploration in different disciplines. The recent world is filled with new thechnology, which could totally meet the demand of everyone. The desire of living a better life has been replaced with the enjoy of recent life.[写完这句话如果写一下为什么那就更好了] In the past, Edison suffered from thousands of failures in order to figure out the suitable material of bulb filament, without his efforts we could not live in a bright world. Stevenson persisted in the invention of trains, without his contribution we could not travel freely from city to city. However, people now regard artificial light and automobiles as the necessities rather than luxuries. While individuals take untility of them everyday, none of them considers about the value of them.[为啥不剖析一下这个是为什么，老列观点并不是好事] People go to work by cars, commute by buses and travel by trains, all of which seem to be common for them. The well developed-technology meets the demand of people in this century, and they have no ideas about innovation and creation. Gradually, people lost their strength for exploration, meanwhile they become more dependent on the technology they obtained.[这段写得还不错，可是结尾没了，分析着分析着就没得看了]

Indeed, everyone becomes an isolated person rather than an independent one, because the luxurious life undermine the effect of communication among different individuals. The instant information obtained through webs and medias decreases the demand of people to talk with others. Consider about the popularity of online chatting, people wish to talk with strangers about some unrealistic topics by means of the latest technology rather than to take face-to-face communication about their real thought to closer friends and relatives. Instant imformation obtained through internet also serves as a factor for the isolation. People receive latest news without judgement, which decrease the chance for people to share their own emotions and opinions on controversy with the others. One, who wishes to make progress has to develop his or her intercommunication skills, and the exchange of ideas might bring new thought. Otherwise, people would not keep up with the trend and the backwards would not be easily found because the isolated people always view themselves as the best ones. Isolated people might be stubborn to resist on their own ideas, and they could not absorb the advantages of others. Their view would be limited in the regions which they are familiar with. [第一个问题是跟前面一段一样，没有了结尾。还有就是整个论述的点没抓好，要说的应该是你第一句话里的内容，可是实际上看到的确是很specific地写着网上聊天的弊病和长此以往的坏处。可你要看看这样的内容是否能紧扣你的主题]

Moreover, people turn out to be money-oriented rather than knowledge-oriented in contemporary under the catalytic effect of the luxuries. Cars are defined to reveal status rather than a kind of transportation. Most people dream of driving BMW, one of the luxurious automobiles. However, people living in the past walked several months to reach to the capital city for an test, let alone the existence of cars. In order to make more money, people try any means without consciousness. The environment has been polluted to reduce costs, the forests have been cut down to set up buildings, and the living space left for us is crowded than ever before. The possession of wealth does not reveal the strength of a person. On the other hand, it only indicate how individual depend on the luxurious life they have gained. [跟之前类似，你说的内容是人们比以往更看重钱这个现象，可你没有把这个现象的原因说清楚，一直在陈述一个事实，而没有说出根本的问题]

Admittedly, I concede that the convenience permits people to have an efficient life. Look at the recent world, everywhere is full of instant food, fast transportation and automatic machines. All of these allow people to save more time to deal with the private affairs. It takes months for businessmen to travel from country to country, accomplishing only one business. However, it costs them only minutes to get agreement on contract via internet. In addition, thanks to automatic machines, women are released from housework and they could contribute themselves to their career. The convenience lead a sound foundation for people to improve their strength, since more effort could be made on their jobs and work. [问题跟前面一段一样，写的都是表面的情况，还有就是段落都是没有结尾的，写完自己想说的然后就结束了，最后要把之前所说的总结一下]

In sum, the statement might not be an all-rounded consideration of the situation of this century, since the pros and cons of luxuries and convenience should be taken into account at the same time. On balance, I concede that we should take fully advantage of the positive aspects of convenience and limite the negative impact of luxuries. [总结的时候不要说statement怎么样，说你自己的看法，说你究竟支持什么]


[整体来说文章因为分了四个段落去论述，我觉得每个段落的篇幅都有点不足，感觉话没说够就结束了。还有论述不够深入，仅仅写到了表面现象。语言也有点欠缺，不说没看到什么好词好句，竟然还出现了很多语法问题，这个值得下苦功，没有人会喜欢看一篇满是语病的文章的。总的来说还行，不过还有很多要加强，继续努力！]

[ 本帖最后由 airfds 于 2006-7-19 23:49 编辑 ]