Argument232【0806G-奋斗小组】 第三次作业 有拍必回!共同进步!

神奇的光UID: 2398821

The following appeared in a memo from the sales manager of Eco-Power, a company that manufactures tools and home appliances.
"Many popular radio and television commercials use memorable tunes and song lyrics to call attention to the products being advertised. Indeed, a recent study of high school students showed that 85 percent could easily recognize the tunes used to advertise leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants. Despite our company's extensive advertising in magazines during the past year, sales of our home appliances declined. Therefore, to boost company profits, we should now switch to advertisements featuring a distinctive song."


   In this memo, the sales manager of Eco-Power---- a company that manufactures tools and home appliances,recommends that in order to promote the declining sales of their home appliance, they should now switch to advertisements featuring a distinctive song.To support his recommendation, the manager cites the fact that many popular radio and television commercials use memorable songs and tunes to draw public’s attentions,and a survey in which 85% of high school students admit that they could easily recognize the tunes used to advertise leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants. The manager also pionts out that despite his company’s extensive advertising in magazines during the past year, sales of their home appliances declined. I find this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.
   First of all,the manager provides no evidence that the study’s results are statistically reliable. In oreder to convince me the results the study shows, the sample must be sufficient in size and representative of overall populations of high school students. Lacking evidence of a sufficient representative sample, the author cannot justifiably rely on the study to draw any conclusion whatsoever.
   Secondly, even assuming that the study is statistically reliable, it lends no substantial suppot to the manager’s conclusion. High students remember the tunes in the advertisements of leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants doesn’t mean that they will also interested in the ad of Eco-Power, even if it adds songs and tunes in them. And the youth might not make up for the mojority for its consumers. If this is the case, Eco-Power can’t promote their sales in this way.
   Thirdly, the manager unfairly attributes the declining of their sales of home appliance to their advertisement lacking of tunes and songs. However, he omit other facts which might also decrease the sales of their products. Maybe other companys promote the quality of their goods, and the market of home appliance has shrinked during last year. Without ruling out other possible explanations for the declining of their home appliance, the manager can’t justifiably conclude that the lacking of music in their advertisements was responsible for this declining.
  In conclusion, the memo is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the manager must show that the study is statistically sufficient, and that adding music to his company’s advertisments will indeed promote their profit. For this purpose, I have to know more information about the quality of their rival’s products and the growth of home appliance market during last year.

[ 本帖最后由 神奇的光 于 2007-10-19 21:01 编辑 ]

helpmebabyUID: 2372995

ding

神奇的光UID: 2398821

这是我的第一篇Arg,写的时候严重超时.诚恳地请求大家拍一下!

[ 本帖最后由 神奇的光 于 2007-10-19 20:54 编辑 ]

helpmebabyUID: 2372995

原帖由 神奇的光 于 2007-10-19 20:30 发表
The following appeared in a memo from the sales manager of Eco-Power, a company that manufactures tools and home appliances.
"Many popular radio and television commercials use memorable tun ...

In this memo, the sales manager of Eco-Power---- a company that manufactures tools and home appliances,recommends that in order to promote the declining sales of their home appliance, they should now switch to advertisements featuring a distinctive song.To support his recommendation, the manager cites the fact that many popular radio and television commercials use memorable songs and tunes to draw public’s attentions,and a survey shows (之前缺少谓语 in which) 85% of high school students admit that they could easily recognize the tunes used to advertise leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants. The manager also pionts out that despite his company’s extensive advertising in magazines during the past year, sales of their home appliances declined. I find this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.
   First of all,there is (the manager provides) no evidence showing (that) the study’s results provided by the manager (感觉这样更通顺些) are statistically reliable. In oreder to convince me (the results the study shows), the sample must be sufficient in size and representative of overall (populations of) high school students. Lacking evidence of a sufficient representative sample, the author cannot justifiably rely on the study to draw any conclusion whatsoever.
   Secondly, even assuming that the study is statistically reliable, it lends no substantial suppot to the manager’s conclusion. High students' familiarity of (remember) the tunes in the advertisements of leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants doesn’t garantee their interests (mean that they will also interested) in the ad of Eco-Power, even if it adds songs and tunes in them. And the youth might not make up for the mojority for its consumers. If this is the case, Eco-Power can’t promote their sales in this way.
   Thirdly, the manager unfairly attributes the declining of their sales of home appliance to their advertisement lacking of tunes and songs. Obviously (与上句并未构成转折关系 However), he omit other facts that (which) might also decrease the sales of their products. Maybe other companys promote the quality of their goods, and the market of home appliance has shrinked during last year. Without ruling out other possible explanations for the declining of their home appliance, the manager can’t justifiably conclude that the lacking of music in their advertisements was responsible for this declining.
  In conclusion, the memo is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the manager must show that the study is statistically sufficient, and that adding music to his company’s advertisments will indeed promote their profit. For this purpose, I have to know more information about the quality of their rival’s products and the growth of home appliance market during last year.

神奇的光UID: 2398821

谢谢楼上的帮忙!

vihughUID: 2352854

In this memo, the sales manager of Eco-Power---- a company that manufactures tools and home appliances, recommends that in order to promote the declining sales of their home appliances, they should now switch to advertisements featuring a distinctive song.To support his recommendation, the manager cites the fact that many popular radio and television commercials use memorable songs and tunes to draw public’s attentions,and a survey in which 85% of high school students admit that they could easily recognize the tunes used to advertise leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants. The manager also pionts out that despite his company’s extensive advertising in magazines during the past year, sales of their home appliances declined. I find this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.
   First of all,the manager provides no evidence that the study’s results are statistically reliable. In order to convince me the results of the study, the sample must be sufficient in size and representative of overall population of high school students. Lacking evidence of a sufficient representative sample, the author cannot justifiably rely on the study to draw any conclusion whatsoever.
   Secondly, even assuming that the study is statistically reliable, it lends no substantial suppot to the manager’s conclusion. High students remember the tunes in the advertisements of leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants doesn’t mean that they will also interested in the ad of Eco-Power, even if it adds songs and tunes in them. And the youth might not be a part of the target market (不大理解原句要表达的意思，不知这样改是否正确). If this is the case, Eco-Power can’t promote their sales in this way.
   Thirdly, the manager unfairly attributes the declining of their sales of home appliances to its advertisement lacking of tunes and songs. What's more, he neglects other facts which might also result in the decrease of the sales. Maybe other companys promote the quality of their goods, and the market of home appliance has shrinked last year. Without ruling out other possible explanations for the declining of the home appliances, the manager can’t justifiably conclude that the lack of music in the advertisements was responsible for this declining.
  In conclusion, the memo is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the manager must show that the study is statistically sufficient, and that adding music to his company’s advertisments will indeed promote their profit. For this purpose, I have to know more information about the quality of its rival’s products and the growth of home appliance market during last year.

评论：感觉开头应该更简洁明了些，把重点放在中间主要段落的论述上会更合适。而且我认为第三点应该是最重要的逻辑错误，应该把这一点提前至第一点。
      不过文中的句式变化还是比较好的，我用蓝色字划出来了，总体的思路比较清晰！