Argument167 [飞跃dreams小组] 第五次作业

纳兰馨儿UID: 2437109

TOPIC: ARGUMENT167 - A folk remedy* for insomnia, the scent in lavender flowers, has now been proved effective. In a recent study, 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept each night for three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored. During the first week, volunteers continued to take their usual sleeping medication. They slept soundly but wakened feeling tired. During the second week, the volunteers discontinued their medication. As a result, they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. During the third week, the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two weeks. This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia.

*A folk remedy is usually a plant-based form of treatment common to traditional forms of medicine, ones that developed before the advent of modern medical services and technology.
WORDS: 435          TIME: 00:39:59          DATE: 2008/2/8 15:22:29

The arguer present us a simple research to prove the efficiency of a folk remedy for insomnia, which contains the scent in lavender flowers. In that research, people involved seems to be able to sleep deeper and longer after three-week treatment. The results and conclusion seems to be a pleasure for the chronic insomnia patients, however, after close analysis, I find it not persuasive and reasonable.

To begin with, the research itself has weaken the argument. The author implies that there are 30 patients involves and the time period is three weeks. First, the amount of the volunteers is limited to demonstrate the general. One may ask that is these people can be representative? Maybe their age rang generates in a narrow contend or they may from one certain area, where the insomnia happens to be a special kind that is not the most common ones. If so, given that the medication can be efficient to them, it still remain to be doubtful toward most of others.  Besides, 3 weeks is quite a short time, especially, in which only the last seven days show some positive results by the folk remedy. Because of this ,we are not sure whether it is the medication that makes sense or something else. Possibly , it is the previous two-week rest that relaxed the patients and they feel comfortable in the controlled room, so they can sleep well even without that medication. In addition, one may also ask that how does the volunteers sleep after the three weeks. If this efficiency can only last for a short time, I do not think it is useful at all. Therefore, the research is not well designed or it is not clear enough and it makes the conclusion open to doubt.

Secondly, given that the sample and time of the research is questionable , the research record is also unclear. The author states that during the first week, volunteers who take their usual sleeping medication slept soundly but wakened feeling tired with the scented pillows. Without comparison with their reaction with sleeping medications alone, we did not know whether the sound sleep is come from the medication or the pillow and the whether the headache is a side-effect from the pillow. The author also states that in the third week, volunteers sleep longer and more soundly without sleeping medication. Without further information we does not know whether the "longer" means normal and "soundly" means well, which can be called cured insomnia.

To sum up, for the reasons above, the argument is not well reasoned. To strengthen the speech, more information must be involved.

lyokaUID: 2451632

TOPIC: ARGUMENT167 - A folk remedy* for insomnia, the scent in lavender flowers, has now been proved effective. In a recent study, 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept each night for three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored. During the first week, volunteers continued to take their usual sleeping medication. They slept soundly but wakened feeling tired. During the second week, the volunteers discontinued their medication. As a result, they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. During the third week, the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two weeks. This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia.

*A folk remedy is usually a plant-based form of treatment common to traditional forms of medicine, ones that developed before the advent of modern medical services and technology.
WORDS: 435          TIME: 00:39:59          DATE: 2008/2/8 15:22:29

The arguer presents us a simple research to prove the efficiency of a folk remedy for insomnia, which contains the scent in lavender flowers. In that research, people involved seem to be able to sleep deeper and longer after three-week treatment. The results and conclusion seems to be a pleasure for the chronic insomnia patients, however, after close analysis, I find it not persuasive and reasonable.

To begin with, the research itself has weakened the argument. The author implies that there are 30 patients involved and the time period is three weeks. First, the amount of the volunteers is limited to demonstrate the general. One may ask that is these people can be representative? (句法混乱) Maybe their age rang generates in a narrow contend or they may from one certain area, where the insomnia happens to be a special kind that is not the most common ones. If so, given that the medication can be efficient to them, it still remains to be doubtful toward most of others.  Besides, 3 weeks is quite a short time, especially, in which only the last seven days show some positive results by the folk remedy. Because of this, we are not sure whether it is the medication that makes sense or something else. Possibly, it is the previous two-week rest that relaxed the patients and they feel comfortable in the controlled room, so they can sleep well even without that medication. (时态混乱，如果说试验应该一直是过去时) In addition, one may also ask that how does (do) the volunteers sleep after the three weeks. If this efficiency can only last for a short time, I do not think it is useful at all. Therefore, the research is not well designed or it is not clear enough and it makes the conclusion open to doubt.
              质疑实验，包括样本选择和实验内容，不过感觉这两部分可以分开，因为实验本身就可以单独成段，这样主题也更加明确。句子衔接词运用得很好，使段落虽然长但没有脱节的感觉。

Secondly, given that the sample and time of the research is questionable, the research record is also unclear. (这句意思有歧义)The author states that during the first week, volunteers who take their usual sleeping medication slept soundly but wakened feeling tired with the scented pillows. Without comparison with their reaction with sleeping medications alone, we did not know whether the sound sleep is come from the medication or the pillow and the whether the headache (似乎是无中生有，题中没有出现吧) is a side-effect from the pillow. The author also states that in the third week, volunteers sleep longer and more soundly without sleeping medication. Without further information we does not know whether the "longer" means normal and "soundly" means well, which can be called cured insomnia.
              质疑实验结果。最后一句应该是对cure insomnia提出疑问吧，对本段来说没有围绕主题。还有是在质疑结果时第三个实验中并未指出人们醒来后是否疲倦，这个属于incomplete comparison,可以加以论述。整个段落如果细看的话重述实验过程的话过多，显得说理不够充分。

To sum up, for the reasons above, the argument is not well reasoned. To strengthen the speech, more information must be involved.
              结尾可以再具体一些，感觉比较仓促，突然。

              文章抓住了主要的问题进行了批驳，句子衔接很不错。可能由于时间造成了结尾的过于简单。还有在构思的时候可以多分几段，三段肯定会比两段显得篇幅长而且有条理，可以把小毛病归为一段，不仅使各段更加紧凑没有多余的话，而且篇幅也有改进，一举两得。