【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】12月22日 作业cooperation

nickey0809UID：2349468

12.22日作业Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability to cooperate with other well is more important today than in the past.（2007.3.4）

As the times progress and the society advances, the world become a global village, the connection of its residents become closer. As worker ants, soldier ants and queen ant make up the huge ant family, each people plays a different role in the world. For the sake of requirements such as the multi-theories of science, specialization of division of labor in society, and increasing difficulties to pursue personal success, I tend to insist that people nowadays should develop their ability to cooperate with others better than in the past.

First of all, the science system today is more and more emphasizing on subjects crossing and cooperation. As the science research become mere and more special, a field such as biology might have more different branches than before, this means that each scholar could only be expert in one or few items of one field, no mention different majors. As the close link of different subject branches, to achieve a breakthrough, specialists from different subjects or even field must collaborate with each other. For instance, 3 scientists who shared this year's Nobel Prize for chemistry are major in biochemistry, biology, organic chemistry, respectively.

Without their joint effort, they couldn't manage to the project that perfect. Hence, the capability of cooperation is requisite to any people who would like to realize their value.

Secondly, more occupations is created by the social development at present, which means that every person will merely participate in a tiny part of social economy. If a company wants to make a profit and thrive itself, the employer will not only consider hiring more elites from the job market, but also making them as a team. So the spirit of cooperation becomes a crucial apprasial indicator for every job applicant in the interview.

Finally, base on today's complex science system and special defined jobs, one will unlikely to achieve any goal without others assistance in today's severe competition. So besides grasping the knowledge from school, every teenage should also learn to who to work with others to accomplish a common task. The ability to cooperate with other is like a walking stick, which will bring you hope when you are isolated and desperate.

[ 本帖最后由 nickey0809 于 2008-12-24 23:03 编辑 ]

yuanyuan@560806UID：2513323

As the times progress and the society advances, the world become a global village, the connection of its residents become closer. As worker ants, soldier ants and queen ant make up the huge ant family（例子举得很好）, each people （person）plays a different role in the world. For the sake of requirements such as the multi-theories of science, specialization of division of labor in society, and increasing difficulties to pursue personal success, I tend to insist that people nowadays should develop their ability to cooperate with others better than in the past.

First of all, the science system today is more and more emphasizing on subjects crossing and cooperation. As the science research(es) become mere(more) and more special, a field such as biology might have more different branches than before, this means that each scholar could only be expert in one or few items of one field, no mention different majors. As the close link of different subject branches, to achieve a breakthrough, specialists from different subjects or even field must collaborate with each other. For instance, 3 scientists who shared this year's Nobel Prize for chemistry are major in biochemistry, biology, organic chemistry, respectively.

Without their joint effort, they couldn't manage to the project that perfect. Hence, the capability of cooperation is requisite to any people who would like to realize their value.

Secondly, more occupations is created by the social development at present, which means that every person will merely participate in a tiny part of social economy. If a company wants to make a profit and thrive itself, the employer(boss) will not only consider hiring more elites from the job market, but also making them as a team. So the spirit of cooperation becomes a crucial apprasial indicator for every job applicant in the interview (好).

Finally, base on today's complex science system and special defined jobs, one will unlikely to achieve any goal without others assistance in today's severe competition. So besides grasping the knowledge from school, every teenage should also learn to who to work with others to accomplish a common task. The ability to cooperate with other is like a walking stick, which will bring you hope when you are isolated and desperate不错.

论证有力，内容丰富，尽量避免低级错误就更好了，

mpromanusUID：2565872

As the times progress and the society advances, the world becomes (Although it's better to use 'the world has become...') a global village, and the connections of between its residents become closer. As the worker ants, soldier ants and queen ant that make up the a huge ant family colony (Why don't just say '...ants in a huge colony'?) , each people person plays a different role in the world. For the sake of requirements (of what?) such as the multi-theories (?) of science, specialization of ('division of labor' already means 'the phenomenon of specialized laborers', so you don't need to repeat 'specialization'.) division of labor in the society, and the increasing difficulties to pursue personal success, I tend to insist that people nowadays should develop their ability to cooperate with others better than in the past. (The question is whether this ability is more important now. Whether people should develop it better is a related conclusion but not the question. Remember to answer the question but JUST the question. Starting with a related but slightly deviated topic sentence can soon lead your essay astray if the development of arguments is not carefully handled.)

First of all, the science system today is emphasizing (这是一个动词的进行时，不是形容词) more and more emphasizing on subjects crossing (The word is 'interdisciplinary training') and cooperation. As the scientific researches become mere and more specialized, a field such as biology might have more different branches than before, (This 'more different' is slightly ambiguous. It could mean that the number of branches that are entirely different from traditional branches has increased, or the number of branches stays the same but the contents of more branches are changing.) this means that each scholar could only be an expert in one or few items of one field, not to mention in different majors. As the close link of different subject branches (How can a link 'branch'? 虽然俺其实怀疑这句话没写完整. As后面要跟完整的句子..), to achieve a breakthrough, specialists from different subjects or even fields must collaborate with each other. For instance, 3 scientists who shared this year's Nobel Prize for chemistry are majoring in biochemistry, biology, organic chemistry, respectively. Without their joint efforts, they couldn't manage to accomplish? the project that perfectly. Hence, the capability of cooperation is a requisite to any people person who would like to realize their his value. (首先没有切题 - 题目是关于important与否的，最好把重要与否明确地写出来，不要让读者猜是不是你觉得它是科学研究所必须的能力就一定应该是很重要的，他们不一定有你的背景和思维习惯。。另外此段起头是从科学研究讲起，中间一直都在讲科学研究，那么结尾这个any person who would like to realize his value是从哪儿跳出来的? 跟科学研究有什么关系?)

Secondly, more occupations is are created by the present social developments at present, which means that every person will merely participate in a tiny part of social economy. If a company wants to make a profit and thrive itself, the employer will not only consider hiring more elites from the job market, but also making them as into a team. (没有看出来这句话跟every person merely participates in a tiny part of economy有什么关系..) So (正式写作请避免用and, but和so作为句子开头，用更正式的furthermore, however和therefore.) the spirit of cooperation becomes a crucial apprasial indicator for every job applicant in the interviews. (如果有人不去找有雇主的工作 - 他可以自己开公司做自雇人士，或者做不需要团队的freelance工作 - 他是不是就不需要cooperation了? This ability is important for employees of companies, yes, but don't assume it's important for everybody based on that. You need to either discuss this aspect from a more 'generic' perspective, or qualify your scope of discussion with something like: although not everybody must be a job applicant, job applicants are still the majority in this society and therefore their ability needs are considered very important.)

Finally, based on today's complex science system and specialized defined jobs, one will be unlikely to achieve any goal without others' assistance in today's severe competition (competition for what?). So besides grasping the knowledge from school, every teenager should also learn to who to work with others to accomplish a common task. The ability to cooperate with other is like a walking stick, which will bring you hope when you are isolated and desperate. (这是一个新论点。在总结段不要提出新论点。。虽然俺觉得更像是你写了三个论点而没写总结段。议论文的收尾很重要，请注意文章的基本组织。)

总结：

语言方面有一些很不地道的短语使用请注意，另外滥用定冠词the的情况比较严重。

论述方面例子举得不错，请注意紧密切题和正确的收尾，另外就是论述的时候尽量避免会让文章显得片面的论述。