arguemnt125 [突击先锋GRE]成员，真心希望得拍。

fainting_robinUID: 2336582

TOPIC: ARGUMENT125 - The following is a recommendation from the president of Appleby College.

"Whereas Appleby College holds class reunions every five years, Edelston College holds annual reunions for all classes, during which Edelston's alumni are treated to banquets, lectures, and student performances, enhancing their loyalty to the college and their willingness to donate money. Edelston College receives most of its alumni donations during or shortly after these reunions. Therefore, the best way for Appleby to increase its alumni donations is to offer similar reunion activities and to have each graduating class hold annual reunions."

The president of Appleby College (AC) recommends that AC should hold reunion activities every year as Edelston College (EC) does. To support his recommendation, he points out that through reunion, EC enhancing its alumni' willingness to donate money. However his line of reasoning is flawed with sever logical problems.

To begin with, the recommendation is based on the crucial assumption that EC's annual reunions increase donations from alumni. Yet, the president fails to provide clear evidence to solidify this assumption. It's equally possible that EC' alumni are tried of annual reunions, let alone donated money every time. On the same time, AC's alumni might be full of emotions to the college when coming back after 5 years, and more likely to donate money for construction of college. Therefore without facts to convince me on the true effectiveness of EC’ annual reunions, the assumption is unsupported, let alone the recommendation for AC to hold similar reunions annually.

Second, even EC could gain more donations from annual reunions, it doesn't mean AC could reach its goal in same way. Because the president of AC doesn’t inform us whether the two colleges are equal in every aspect. May be most of AC’ graduates went aboard. Then even if AC holds class reunion every year, it’s impossible for them to come back every year. So the annual reunions don’t work. Thus, with out evidence to ensure AC is similar with EC in every angle, we can't easily reach the conclusion that AC could increase donations from alumni through annual reunion.

The last but not the least, there might be other more effective ways than annual reunions to increase donations. First, rather than hold reunions annually, AC could send cards to congratulate successful alumni who are able to donate large money, and invite them to college more often. Second, AC could ask for donations not only from its alumni, but also from some social organizations. Third, AC should public its reasonable plan for donations, such as enlarge the cover of campus, and equip laboratories with new facilities, and employ more professors. Knowing the use of their money will make people more willing to donate.

In sum, AC’ president’s recommendation is unconvincing without considerations in other angles. To make his recommendation reasonable, he has to provide evidence to testify annual reunion’s effect on donation form alumni.

[ 本帖最后由 fainting_robin 于 2007-7-29 21:24 编辑 ]

xmubitUID: 2362643

The president of Appleby College (AC) recommends that AC should hold reunion activities every year as Edelston College (EC) does. To support his recommendation, he points out that through reunion, EC enhancing its alumni' willingness to donate money. However his line of reasoning is flawed with sever logical problems.

To begin with, the recommendation is based on the crucial assumption that EC's annual reunions increase[its] donations from alumni. Yet, the president fails to provide clear evidence to solidify this assumption. It's equally[去掉 目前并没有参照物] possible that EC' alumni are tried of annual reunions, let alone donated money every time. On the same time, AC's alumni might be full of emotions to the college when coming back after 5 years, and more likely to donate money for construction of college. Therefore without facts to convince me on[about] the true effectiveness of EC’ annual reunions, the assumption is unsupported, let alone the recommendation for AC to hold similar reunions annually[注意money才是最关键的 直接说money就好了 没必要间接通过effectiveness].

Second, even EC could gain more donations from annual reunions, it doesn't mean [that]AC could reach its goal in same way. Because the president of AC doesn’t inform us whether the two colleges are equal in every aspect. May be[Maybe] most of AC’ graduates went aboard. Then even if AC holds class reunion every year, it’s impossible for them to come back every year. So the annual reunions don’t work. Thus, with out[without enough] evidence to ensure AC is similar with EC in every angle, we can't easily reach the conclusion that AC could increase donations from alumni through annual reunion.[最好再举一个例子 比如E是商学院学生有钱，A是文学院学生穷]

The last but not the least, there might be other more effective ways than annual reunions to increase donations. First, rather than hold reunions annually, AC could send cards to congratulate successful alumni who are able to donate large money, and invite them to college more often. Second, AC could ask for donations not only from its alumni, but also from some social organizations. Third, AC should public its reasonable plan for donations, such as enlarge the cover of campus, and equip laboratories with new facilities, and employ more professors. Knowing the use of their money will make people more willing to donate. [第三点妙！ 但第二点偏了 注意看题目最后一句的结论，说的是alumni donations，社会机构显然不算]

In sum, AC’ president’s recommendation is unconvincing without considerations in other angles. To make his recommendation reasonable, he has to provide evidence to testify annual reunion’s effect on donation form alumni.
[写得不错 层次感很强 另外还可以通过even if 来实现段间让步关系使整体感觉再得到提升  我临时写了这篇的提纲，你可以参考一下  其中每个大点间让步 前两个大点内部也全让步]
[此法是否有效：
1.        可能EC的人均捐款还不如AC
2.        可能影响校友忠诚度导致捐款逐年下降
此法是否在EC可行：
1.        可能AC是商学院毕业生有钱 EC是文学院毕业生囊中羞涩
2.        可能EC毕业生分布全国各地甚至世界各地，五年一次已经不容易了
3.        可能在EC举行一年一次聚会成本太高 入不敷出
此法是否为最优法：
1.        可以在每年校庆给成功的毕业生寄贺卡同时邀请其参加校庆活动顺带建议其对学校进行捐赠
2.        也可以通过扩大学校规模增加学校声誉为名向校友劝捐赠款 学校声誉更好后校友忠诚度自然更高]