Argument117 高频，有拍必回

沙迦UID：205632

Argument117  第3篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：32分15秒     640 words
从2005年7月9日14时11分到2005年7月9日14时32分
------题目------
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'
------正文------
In this memo, the business manager of Valu-Mart (V-M) stores concludes that office-supply departments of V-M stores could increase their profits by expanding their stock of home office machines and office supplies. To support this claim the manager cites a recent survey showing the work-at-home trend, and points out that the office-supply departments haven't had impressive sales in the past. However, the argument relies on series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.

First of all, the manager provides no evidence that that the survey's respondents are representative of the overall group of working people. Lacking such evidence, it is entirely possible that people inclined to complain the busyness of their work were more willing to respond to the survey than other people were. Besides, we are not informed the occupation, age and sex of the respondents, then the results might distort the truth. In either event, the survey results would be unreliable for the purpose of drawing any conclusion about the work-at-home trend, let alone that the office-supply departments of V-M stores would be profitable.

Secondly, even if a majority of people are required to take more work home with them than before, the argument unfairly assumes a sufficient demand for home office machines and office supplies. Perhaps the vast majority of these homes have had adequate office supplies, or these people take along portable machines with them from the workplace while they work at home. For that matter, perhaps these people have completed those tasks using office machines and taken home those tasks without using many office machines. Thus, lacking evidence that home office machines and office supplies would become a sufficient demand the argument's conclusion the office-supply departments of V-M stores would be benefited that is unjustified.

Moreover, even if current demand would otherwise support an increase in the availability of home office machines and office supplies, the office-supply departments of V-M stores would not necessarily be profitable as a result by increasing their stock of home office machines and office supplies. Profitability is a function of both revenue and expense. Thus, it is entirely possible that the stores' costs of obtaining superfluous home office machines and office supplies might render it unprofitable despite their popularity. Without weighing revenue against expenses the argument's conclusion is premature at best. Besides, other such factors which might include quality, price and species of the merchandise, competitor and other aspects could affect the sales volume of home office machines and office supplies. Without ruling out these possible scenarios, the manager cannot convince me that the recommendation would help ensure the profitable of V-m stores.

Finally, even if the office-supply departments of V-M stores enhance profits, the manager assumes further that their office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of their stores. Yet the memo contains no evidence to support this assumption.  Perhaps office-supply departments account for a small proportion of all components in V-M stores; or perhaps other components of V-M stores are also struggled to be more profitable. Any of the scenarios, if true, would cast considerable doubt on the argument's conclusion that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of V-M stores.

In sum, the manager cannot justify his or her conclusion on the basis of the scant evidence provided in the memo. To convince me that increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies would be profitable office-supply departments of V-M stores would need to provide better reliable evidence that the extent of this survey and information about the respondent, and that a demand for home office machines and office supplies is more abundant than before. To better assess the argument it would be useful to know what sorts of office supplies is more popular by those work-at-home people, and what proportion the office-supply departments of V-M stores account for.

[ Last edited by 沙迦 on 2005-8-9 at 17:21 ]

pjgengshaUID：2105174

总体感觉：词汇丰富，错误也都找到了并展开攻击。

发现的毛病：
1）开头稍微长了（不过还是写的比较漂亮）。我有一样问题，导致时间不够结尾写得短了，显得虎头蛇尾；
2）单复数一致：that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component 第五段最后。我们都得避免低级错误。

不过你打字速度奇快啊，我还得好好练练。

也欢迎各位看客拍我的。https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;page=1#pid1711441

[ Last edited by pjgengsha on 2005-8-10 at 09:16 ]

沙迦UID：205632

谢谢拍我！:handshake
其实我在写之前已经看过题目，并且把提纲写好了，所以说打字也没有你说的那么快啊，呵呵。:cool:

pjgengshaUID：2105174

其实我也是，看过题目，想明白了才开始掐时间的。

G10T5UID：2101393

首先说一下component的问题，这个在题目中就是单数呢。真佩服楼主的Argument写得比我的Issue还长。

In this memo, the business manager of Valu-Mart (V-M) stores concludes that office-supply departments of V-M stores could increase their profits by expanding their stock of home office machines and office supplies. To support this claim the manager cites a recent survey showing the work-at-home trend, and points out that the office-supply departments haven't had impressive sales in the past. However, the argument relies on series of unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.

First of all, the manager provides no evidence that that the survey's respondents are representative of the overall group of working people. Lacking such evidence, it is entirely possible that people inclined to complain the busyness of their work were more willing to respond to the survey than other people were. Besides, we are not informed the occupation, age and sex of the respondents, then the results might distort the truth. In either event, the survey results would be unreliable for the purpose of drawing any conclusion about the work-at-home trend, let alone that the office-supply departments of V-M stores would be profitable. 前面写得很好，但是后面的 age, sex 等等为什么会影响调查呢？

Secondly, even if a majority of people are required to take more work home with them than before, the argument unfairly assumes a sufficient demand for home office machines and office supplies. Perhaps the vast majority of these homes have had adequate office supplies, or these people take along portable machines with them from the workplace while they work at home. For that matter, perhaps these people have completed those tasks using office machines and taken home those tasks without using many office machines. Thus, lacking evidence that home office machines and office supplies would become a sufficient demand the argument's conclusion the office-supply departments of V-M stores would be benefited that is unjustified.

Moreover, even if current demand would otherwise support an increase in the availability of home office machines and office supplies, the office-supply departments of V-M stores would not necessarily be profitable as a result by increasing their stock of home office machines and office supplies. Profitability is a function of both revenue and expense. Thus, it is entirely possible that the stores' costs of obtaining superfluous home office machines and office supplies might render it unprofitable despite their popularity. Without weighing revenue against expenses the argument's conclusion is premature at best. Besides, other such factors which might include quality, price and species of the merchandise, competitor and other aspects could affect the sales volume of home office machines and office supplies. Without ruling out these possible scenarios, the manager cannot convince me that the recommendation would help ensure the profitable of V-m stores.

Finally, even if the office-supply departments of V-M stores enhance profits, the manager assumes further that their office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of their stores. Yet the memo contains no evidence to support this assumption.  Perhaps office-supply departments account for a small proportion of all components in V-M stores; or perhaps other components of V-M stores are also struggled to be more profitable. Any of the scenarios, if true, would cast considerable doubt on the argument's conclusion that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of V-M stores.

In sum, the manager cannot justify his or her conclusion on the basis of the scant evidence provided in the memo. To convince me that increasing the stock of home office machines and office supplies would be profitable office-supply departments of V-M stores would need to provide better reliable evidence that the extent of this survey and information about the respondent, and that a demand for home office machines and office supplies is more abundant than before. To better assess the argument it would be useful to know what sorts of office supplies is more popular by those work-at-home people, and what proportion the office-supply departments of V-M stores account for.

没什么好说的，羡慕ing，但是考场时这么长的开头和结尾还是一个比较的负担，毕竟决定分数的还在中间。我现在正在压开头呢，要是写完又时间，再补也不迟啊。