Issue141 【加州阳光】第三次作业 stone 请猛拍

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TOPIC: ISSUE141 - "Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity."
提纲：1. Individuality is benefit for people’s success;
      2. Individuality has much merit;
      3. Conformity is also important for people’s economic success.

In today's society, we can see a lot of successful people benefit from their individuality. It is true that people need to be different with others. However, that does not mean that we can do everything we like at the expense of conformity. On the contrary, we also need conformity and cooperation if we want to acquire personal economic success.
To begin with, I concede that, nowadays, so many stars succeed due to their individuality. It is human nature that we don not want to be looked similarly with others. Take the NBA superstar Dennis Rodman for example. He was regarded as one of the best player for his defense and rebounding ability in the whole union, yet he was better known for his eccentric and attention-hunting behavior, especially his habit of changing hair colors weekly or daily. His personal economic success was not only for his salary from his basketball team, but also for the payment from many advertisement companies.
At the same time, to be different has much merit. First, it is good for us to innovation. It is because no one wants to be familiar with others, so everyone will do their best to do something different. In shopping malls, there are so many different goods for the reason that producers do everything they can to attract various consumers’ attention. Furthermore, individuality is better for the development of human. From the people who are different with us, we can learn the advantages that we don't have and make a rapid progress.
    However, we can never ignore the importance of conformity. Conformity is the best way to protect the most people's benefit. In the business realm, every company has its own severe and detailed regulation to regulate its employees' behavior. Company's final goal is to pursue profits maximization. However, in the company, there are so many different programs to realize this objective. That is to say, sometime, there may be some disagreement between one program and another. As it is impossible to carry out all these different ones, so when the decision is made by the leader, everyone in the company should do their best to guarantee the decided program can be executed successfully. Conformity is benefit for personal economic can be demonstrated adequately in the realm of sports. In a basketball team, executing coach’s strategies is an important factor for team’s victory. Michael Jordan’s brilliance is not only for his excellent skills but for his devotion to Chicago Bull’s NBA champion.
    In the aggregate, we fundamentally agree with the assertion that to realize personal economic success, it is required conformity. On the contrary, I also think that the individuality is significant at the same time. To achieve the economic success, we need not only the conformity to guarantee the program being carried out successfully, but also individuality to make our products be more appealing.

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In today's society, we can see a lot of successful people benefit from their individuality. It is true that people need to be different with others. However, that does not mean that we can do everything we like at the expense of conformity. On the contrary, we also need conformity and cooperation if we want to acquire personal economic success.
很好，简明地表达了自己的立场。
To begin with, I concede that, nowadays, so many stars succeed due to their individuality. It is human nature that we don（do） not want to be looked similarly with others. Take the NBA superstar Dennis Rodman for example. He was regarded as one of the best player(players) for his defense and rebounding ability in the whole union, yet he was better known for his eccentric and attention-hunting behavior, especially his habit of changing hair colors weekly or daily. His personal economic success was not only for his salary from his basketball team, but also for the payment from many advertisement companies.
At the same time, to be different has much merit. First, it is good for us to innovation. It is because no one wants to be familiar with others, so everyone will do their best to do something different. In shopping malls, there are so many different goods for the reason that producers do everything they can to attract various consumers’ attention.(这句和上句在意思上衔接不紧密，换个说法吧) Furthermore, individuality is better for the development of human. From the people who are different with us, we can learn the advantages that we don't have and make a rapid progress.
    However, we can never ignore the importance of conformity. Conformity is the best way to protect the most people's benefit. In the business realm, every company has its own severe and detailed regulation to regulate its employees' behavior. Company's final goal is to pursue profits maximization. However, in the company, there are so many different programs to realize this objective. That is to say, sometime, there may be some disagreement between one program and another. As it is impossible to carry out all these different ones, so when the decision is made by the leader, everyone in the company should do their best to guarantee the decided program can be executed successfully. Conformity is benefit for personal economic can be demonstrated adequately in the realm of sports（这句话前面需要有个小连词才好，要不和上句衔接有点突兀）. In a basketball team, executing coach’s strategies is an important factor for team’s victory. Michael Jordan’s brilliance is not only for his excellent skills but for his devotion to Chicago Bull’s NBA champion.
    In the aggregate,（没这个说法吧？） we fundamentally agree with the assertion that to realize personal economic success, it is required conformity. On the contrary, I also think that the individuality is significant at the same time. To achieve the economic success, we need not only the conformity to guarantee the program being carried out successfully, but also individuality to make our products be more appealing.（最后一句很好~喜欢~~）

恩,文章结构很工整,只是段落里注意意思有转折的时候要用连词,那些小词别看很小,可是加分的重点哦.
请帮忙看看我的文章， 多谢~~
ISSUE141 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2
ARGUMENT17 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2