Issue144 0610G同主题写作第一期 & FLY AW小组第37次作业

夜一UID: 2130338

Issue144  第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：48分24秒     453 words
从2006年6月10日20时40分到2006年6月10日21时48分
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It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value.
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
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Both the artists and the critics contribute to the evolvement of art, which is of lasting value to human society and symbolizes human civilization. While the artists, who create artistic works, contribute to human civilization apparently, the contribution of critics, who evaluate such works, is indirectly.

On one hand, the artists, who create works of art, obviously gives society artistic works such as novels, films, poems, music, and paintings, which are basic constructions and signs of the evolvement of art of lasting. Writers, directors, poets, musicians, and painters demonstrate in their works their knowledge, skills, and understandings. Characters in novels can exhibit the situation of contemporary society, while stories in films can express the dream of current residents. Sentences in poems, sounds in music, and objects in paintings show people's understanding of beauty. Artistic works strike ordinary students, clerks, and officials, and impress common children, housewives, and workers. Artists show common residents the meaning of art through their works, and conduct the evolvement of art by their pens and brushes.

On the other hand, the critics provide human society with further evolvement of art, which is of lasting value to human civilization. The contribution of the critics mainly include two areas: improve the popularity of art and influence the creation of artistic works.

First of all, the critics introduce and explain the works of artists to ordinary people, and thus increase the popularity of art. As it is difficult for ordinary people to obtain similar knowledge, skills, and understandings as artists, it is hard for common residents to understand the either the creating processes or the meanings of artistic works. As a result, without the contribution of the critics, who explain the fundament of knowledge, the using of skills, and the expression of understandings, it is difficult for many artistic works to be accepted and understood, and it is impossible for many other people to study these works and devote to the development of art. Therefore, the critics make further achievement of art possible.

Besides, the critics express their opinions and ideas to artistic creators, and influence their creating processes. While artistic works are directly created by artists, they are influence by information, ideas, and suggestions coming from critics. Writers and directors can change the development of stories according to valuable suggestions, while poets, musicians, and painters can become energetic with new information and ideas. The critics influence the creation of artists with their own knowledge and understandings, and hence induce alternations and innovations in the evolvement of art.

In conclusion, while the artists provide human society with artistic works according to their knowledge, skills, and understandings, the critics serve as an important role to explain their works to ordinary people and to send information to artists. They cooperate with each other, and give society splendid evolvement of art, which is of high and lasting value in human civilization.

xmbjowlUID: 2182375

Both the artists and the critics contribute to the evolvement of art, which is of lasting value to human society and symbolizes human civilization. While the artists, who create artistic works, contribute to human civilization apparently, the contribution of critics, who evaluate such works, is indirectly.首段表明观点很清楚，二者对社会贡献方式不同

On one hand, the artists, who create works of art, obviously gives society artistic works such as novels, films, poems, music, and paintings, which are basic constructions and signs of the evolvement of art of lasting. Writers, directors, poets, musicians, and painters demonstrate in their works their knowledge, skills, and understandings. Characters in novels can exhibit the situation of contemporary society, while stories in films can express the dream of current residents. Sentences in poems, sounds in music, and objects in paintings show people's understanding of beauty. Artistic works strike ordinary students, clerks, and officials, and impress common children, housewives, and workers. Artists show common residents the meaning of art through their works, and conduct the evolvement of art by their pens and brushes.

On the other hand, the critics provide human society with further evolvement of art, which is of lasting value to human civilization. The contribution of the critics mainly include two areas: improve the popularity of art and influence the creation of artistic works.
这个过渡段很好，简洁明了，我很同意你的观点
First of all, the critics introduce and explain the works of artists to ordinary people, and thus increase the popularity of art. As it is difficult for ordinary people to obtain similar knowledge, skills, and understandings as artists, it is hard for common residents to understand the either the creating processes or the meanings of artistic works. As a result, without the contribution of the critics, who explain the fundament of knowledge, the using of skills, and the expression of understandings, it is difficult for many artistic works to be accepted and understood, and it is impossible for many other people to study these works and devote to the development of art. Therefore, the critics make further achievement of art possible.

Besides, the critics express their opinions and ideas to artistic creators, and influence their creating processes. While artistic works are directly created by artists, they are influence by information, ideas, and suggestions coming from critics. Writers and directors can change the development of stories according to valuable suggestions, while poets, musicians, and painters can become energetic with new information and ideas. The critics influence the creation of artists with their own knowledge and understandings, and hence induce alternations and innovations in the evolvement of art.这个因果有点唐突，确切的说，有点抽象，some examples listed followingly would strengthen your
viewpoint.

In conclusion, while the artists provide human society with artistic works according to their knowledge, skills, and understandings, the critics serve as an important role to explain their works to ordinary people and to send information to artists. They cooperate with each other, and give society splendid evolvement of art, which is of high and lasting value in human civilization.
逻辑结构清晰，语言也值得学习，但还是感觉缺少生动事例

exp03UID: 2158827

Writers, directors, poets, musicians, and painters demonstrate in their works their knowledge, skills, and感觉demostrate用在这里不是很恰当，因为这些人并不是要证明什么，也不是想通过这些得到什么，而是要追求和创造奇迹
Artistic works strike ordinary students, clerks, and officials, and impress common children, housewives, and workers.如果后面加一句，无论现在还是将来，是不是更能突出lasting这个概念
improve the popularity of art and influence the creation of artistic works.这个论点正是我想提出来却不会的，学习了
expression of understandings这一段排比还是稍显空洞，换一种用小事来体现的说法可能好些，比如 realize the sad feeling of dramatis personae by changing seasons in novels，可能我这个写得不好，献丑了，不知道你怎么看
最后一段总结得非常好的说
全文的结构很清晰，觉得这种抓lasting value为重点词的思路很对，再对题目中两种人是否给与社会lasting value分别阐述，是最切题的写法。

xmbjowlUID: 2182375

对，exp03的realize the sad feeling of dramatic personate by changing seaons in novels
很能打动人，我接着去砸你的了哈！

夜一UID: 2130338

谢谢大家
的确像xmbjowl说得那样，在生动具体方面有所欠缺
最近总是说空话，自己还检查不出来。。。
exp03题的几个问题都很一针见血
demonstrate的确用得不好，应该用expree比较好，近来文章写多了，词也顺手了，于是就开始乱套了。。。
第二个突出lasting，我有一点不同的意见，认为不怎么必要，因为something of lasting value的定义已经回避了artistic works，而着重于the evolvement of art，所以对于具体的作品的impression是否长久就可以不再深究了
the fundament of knowledge, the using of skills, and the expression of understandings这里的确是本文一个空洞的典型，想想看如果把这些具体的内容写出来，文章的等级也就不一样了。也许在前面以绘画举个例子就很好: For example, a common resident can realize the apparent beauty of a successful painting, but it is difficult an ordinary citizen, who has not received corresponding education or experience, to well understand the construction of the picture, the alternization of lines, and the intention of the painter.

[ 本帖最后由 夜一 于 2006-7-13 20:45 编辑 ]