issue70 我们的九月小组-----第十六次作业

maggie-leeUID: 2220892

issue 70
字数599  本文缺乏论据，论证无力。写得不好。好好批吧，谢谢。多提建议.
The statement that the leaders with great power in any field should be replaced with the new ones at least five years is a little absolute. Actually, the situation varies from field to field, and the same rule does not apply to all the areas. In addition, there are still many other approaches which could lead to the success of the enterprise. Therefore, without careful comparison, we are not able to come to the conclusion concerning which one is the surest path.

In the fields of politics and government, it is imperative to hold election at least every five years, so that the new candidates with fresh ideas and creative ability could have the opportunity of taking part in the government management work. Generally speaking, the policies, operations and the emphasis of the government work are partly influenced by the personal opinions in charge. Therefore, the long time service of some vital positions might result in the lack of innovative ideas and initiative to settle the urgent social problems, which might undermine the positive effect of government in managing social affairs.

On the other hand, if the service time of the main officers is too long, a potential problem of corruption, Guanxi might arise in the process, which undoubtedly will endanger the welfare of the whole society. For instance, in the past in some counties of China, the chief officers of the counties might be in the same post for more five years, which possibly results in the particular relationship, so-called Guanxi, between the officers and local businessmen. It is obvious that the complicated Guanxi and potential bribery will have considerable negative effect on the development of society.

However, the same rule probably does not apply in the area of business. In general, the business of a large scale company is carefully planed for quite a long time, such as 10 years, even 30 years. And this type of arrangement for the future is necessary and indispensable, since once the long-term goal is set, then the whole company could develop the short-term objectives and exert their efforts to realize their objectives in different stage of development. As we know, sometimes the long run and sustainable development of a company is far more significant than the present interest.

Without the relatively stable management in the long run in a corporation, it is possible that the people in power will place their emphasis and foci on the temporary revenue and profit which could bring themselves a large amount of bonus and dividend. Unfortunately, this kind of conducts might weaken and do harms to the prospective future of the company. Hence, probably a relatively long term of service in some positions is an advisable choice for many companies, especially for the large scale ones.

In addition, besides the appointment of the new candidates for some post in power, meanwhile many other approaches also exist which could be used for motivating the innovative spirits and ideas of originality to guarantee the success of the companies. For instance, the company can send the managers and staff to attend training courses which are intended to stimulate their creative capability, or take part in some activity organized to foster a good sense of team spirit which can help them to discover the innovative ideas through cooperation.

In summary, the proper and appropriate durations for vital positions relies on the characteristics and requirements of the fields. As for the exact answer, we have to explore more detailed information concerning the very profession. Additionally, other ways for ensure the wining of the enterprise should be taken into account.

[ 本帖最后由 maggie-lee 于 2006-8-11 00:25 编辑 ]

fanfancy1026UID: 2126743

issue 70
字数599  本文缺乏论据，论证无力。写得不好。好好批吧，谢谢。多提建议.
The statement that the leaders with great power in any field should be replaced with the new ones at least five years is a little absolute. Actually, the situation varies from field to field, and the same rule does not apply to all the areas. In addition, there are still many other approaches which could lead to the success of the enterprise. Therefore, without careful comparison, we are not able to come to the conclusion concerning which one is the surest path.(小弟，写成argument了，建议开头引出话题，然后再表明自己的态度，建议不要写成argument的形式，不过好像北美范文好多issue都写成这样了，也不知道好不好)
In the fields of politics and government, it is imperative to hold election at least every five years, so that the new candidates with fresh ideas and creative ability could have the opportunity of taking part in the government management work. Generally speaking, the policies, operations and the emphasis of the government work are partly influenced by the personal opinions in charge. Therefore, the long time service of some vital positions might result in the lack of innovative ideas and initiative to settle the urgent social problems, which might undermine the positive effect of government in managing social affairs. 五年一换届的好处，但感觉不得体，我觉得也不能说在政治领域就一定要五年一换届，因为如果有一个真正好的领导人的话，五年短短的时间怎么能体现出他给人民带来的好处呢；你只说了坏的领导可能带来的不好一面。所以我觉得不能用政治领域做例子来说明五年换届必要。
On the other hand, if the service time of the main officers is too long, a potential problem of corruption, Guanxi might arise in the process, which undoubtedly will endanger the welfare of the whole society. For instance, in the past in some counties of China, the chief officers of the counties might be in the same post for more than five years, which possibly results in the particular relationship, so-called Guanxi, between the officers and local businessmen. It is obvious that the complicated Guanxi and potential bribery will have considerable negative effect on the development of society.
五年一换届的好处，中国的例子老外也看不懂，而且中国的情况不能代表全球都这样
However, the same rule probably does not apply in the area of business. In general, the business of a large scale company is carefully planed for quite a long time, such as 10 years, even 30 years. And this type of arrangement for the future is necessary and indispensable, since once the long-term goal is set, then the whole company could develop the short-term objectives and exert their efforts to realize their objectives in different stages of development. As we know, sometimes the long run and sustainable development of a company is far more significant than the present interest.
这个经济方面的例子也不能一概而论，我感觉现在市场经济讲究的都是效益，什么赚钱多，赚钱快才是好的，要不然恐怕没有人愿意搞。个人意见，:)
Without the relatively stable management in the long run in a corporation, it is possible that the people in power will place their emphasis and foci on the temporary revenue and profit which could bring themselves a large amount of bonus and dividend. Unfortunately, this kind of conducts might weaken and do harms to the prospective future of the company. Hence, probably a relatively long term of service in some positions is an advisable choice for many companies, especially for the large scale ones. 这好像就是上段的补充说明。没什么特别，也没起到很重要的作用
In addition, besides the appointment of the new candidates for some post in power, meanwhile many other approaches also exist which could be used for motivating the innovative spirits and ideas of originality to guarantee the success of the companies. For instance, the company can send the managers and staff to attend training courses which are intended to stimulate their creative capability, or take part in some activity organized to foster a good sense of team spirit which can help them to discover the innovative ideas through cooperation.

In summary, the proper and appropriate durations for vital positions relies on the characteristics and requirements of the fields. As for the exact answer, we have to explore more detailed information concerning the very profession. Additionally, other ways for ensure the wining of the enterprise should be taken into account.

怎么说了，我觉得你这个casebycasestudy写得不是很成功，首先你写得每一个领域都被我驳倒了，见上；其次，举例不鲜明，说服力不强；第三，所有的原因罗列到一块有一点零散，之间的逻辑性不强。建议写完之后多多思考，不仅从内容方面而且还要从内在论证逻辑上使整篇文章看起来非常紧实，你都已经写了那么多了，应该从我建议的方面入手。不过这些都是我的愚见，想法偏激之处请多多原谅，其实你能练习的每篇文章都这么多字已经很好了，我这篇文章都写不下去，尤其举例子，我们的讨论群是多少为什么我加了那个群根本不是我们的讨论群，请告知，谢谢

[ 本帖最后由 fanfancy1026 于 2006-8-11 19:09 编辑 ]