argument145 打呼噜的那个(8.17考试，初次写作)

xiaonawangUID: 2114716

argu145

A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.

In this argument, the arguer claims that people who snore should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.  In order to support this conclusion , the arguer cites the result of a new study to demonstrate his point.  The arguer also makes a series of deduction linking snoring, breathing interruption, apnea and lack of exercise together.  At the first glance the argument may seem reasonable, however, a closer look at the deductiong process can reveal how groundless the argument is.

Firstly, the arguer bases his argumentation on the gratuitous assumption that people who snore also stop breathing frequently for a few seconds.   Without knowing the proportion of people who snore while suffering sleep apnea , we can not be fully convinced about this point, since   it is possible that only a small proportion of people who snore suffer breathing interruption (or sleep apnea), while most of people who snore don't suffer this breathing interruption.  

Secondly, the arguer fails to demonstrate that people who feel tired will choose to exercise less or not at all.  It is more possible that exercise habits determine people's exercising regularities.  No matter tired or not, people might still choose to do exercise, because , as common sense tells us, exercising is also one way to get out of tireness.

Thirdly, the arguer fails to convince us that snore causes fattness.    As common sense tells us if an individual is fat, he is more likely to snore because extra fat might inhibit smoothe breathing by blocking the breathing pathway.  The arguer doesn't successfully establish a causal relationship betweeen snore and getting weight.

Last but not least, the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization in suggesting that all people who snore should eat less and do more exercise.  Suppose a person who is very thin but snores, how can we suggest that the thin people to eat less?    There are also people who don't care about getting weights, or people who are not interested in physical exercising.  We can not force those people to eat less or exercise more.

In sum, the arguer fails to convince us that all people who snore should eat less and exercise.  In order to better convince us , the arguer needs to provide further information as mentioned above.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-17 at 12:18 ]

xiaonawangUID: 2114716

结构上，好像就有问题firstly, secondly, thirdly, last but not least...

还有，第二段论述感觉不好。

上下句之间逻辑不太严密。  

希望大家多多拍转。支持新人进步。^_^

Lyon_TonyUID: 178961

我觉得这片ARGU应该这样写

首先，数据没有说服力，我们不知到snore的人有多少gain weight

其次，假设有很多人gain weight，少吃东西的建议也不一定有效的使他们lose weight，而且会影响身体健康

再次，多锻炼的建议可能会使已经很劳累的人更加疲惫，应该适当的锻炼

最后，作者忘记考虑什么办法能使人们不再snore，从而不gain weight，不apnea，这才是根本的解决办法

你的文章我大概看了一下，逻辑性不够强，分析要步步深入才有说服力

seraph_hydeUID: 184809

我觉得整体感觉还是可以，但是就像Lyon_tony说的，如果整篇文章能够层层推进，多用些连接词，像even if等就更好了，还有FIRSTLY,SECONDLY这些是可以用的，不会影响分数。

xiaonawangUID: 2114716

谢谢lyon-tony的提纲。确实比我的有深度。我只顾罗列攻击点了，忘了步步深入地分析。

谢谢seraph-hyde.  连词我也想用，可是就是当时用不出来。呵呵。

xiaonawangUID: 2114716

In this argument the speaker concludes that any person who snores should try to eat less and exercise more than the average person. To justify this conclusion the speaker points out that many snorers awaken frequently during sleep--often so briefly that they are unaware that they are awake in order to catch their breath (a condition called sleep apnea), and as a result are too fired during normal waking hours to exercise. The speaker also cites data collected during a recent study, suggesting that snorers are more likely to gain weight than other people. This argument is flawed in several critical respects.

First, the speaker provides no assurances that the recently collected data suggesting a correlation between snoring and weight gain are statistically reliable. Perhaps the study's subjects were unrepresentative of the overall population in terms of other traits and habits that might affect body weight. Lacking such evidence the speaker simply cannot draw any firm conclusions based on the study about the relationship between snoring and weight gain.

Even assuming a strong correlation between snoring and weight gain among the general population, the speaker has not adequately shown that sleep apnea causes weight gain. A  correlation is one indication of a causal relationship, but in itself does not suffice to prove such  a relationship. It is entirely possible that some other medical condition, or some other trait or  habit, that causes snoring also causes weight gain. Without establishing dearly that snoring at  least contributes to weight gain, the speaker cannot convince me that snorers should either eat less or exercise more than the average person.

Even if many snorers suffer from sleep apnea and tend to gain weight as a result, the speaker's advice that "anyone who snores" should try to eat less and to exercise is new ertheless unwarranted. It is entirely possible that some--or perhaps even most--snorers do not  suffer from sleep apnea, or are not too tired to exercise, or do not in any event tend to gain  weight. Without ruling out these possibilities, the speaker must expressly limit the advice to those snorers whose snoring causes weight-gain.

Even if the speaker's advice were modified as indicated above, the advice to exercise would still be logically unsound. If a person with sleep apnea is too tired to exercise as a result, then  simply advising that person to exercise begs the question: What should the person do to  eliminate the cause of the tiredness? Thus the speaker should determine the cause of sleep  apnea and modify the advice so that it targets that cause. Of course, ifit turns out that weight  gain is one cause of snoring and sleep apnea, then the speaker's advice that snorers should  try to eat less would have considerable merit. Yet, without any evidence that this is the case,  the speaker's advice might be at least partially ineffective in counteracting a snorer's tendency
to gain weight.

In sum, the speaker's advice for "any" snorer is ill-conceived and poorly supported. To lend credibility to this advice the speaker should provide evidence that the recently collected data reflect the general population. To better assess the argument it would be useful to know all the possible causes of snoring and of sleep apnea.

xiaonawangUID: 2114716

In this argument the speaker concludes that any person who snores should try to eat less and exercise more than the average person. To justify this conclusion the speaker points out that many snorers awaken frequently during sleep--often so briefly that they are unaware that they are awake in order to catch their breath (a condition called sleep apnea), and as a result are too fired during normal waking hours to exercise. The speaker also cites data collected during a recent study, suggesting that snorers are more likely to gain weight than other people. This argument is flawed in several critical respects.

First, the speaker provides no assurances that the recently collected data suggesting a correlation between snoring and weight gain are statistically reliable. Perhaps the study's subjects were unrepresentative of the overall population in terms of other traits and habits that might affect body weight. Lacking such evidence the speaker simply cannot draw any firm conclusions based on the study about the relationship between snoring and weight gain.

Even assuming a strong correlation between snoring and weight gain among the general population, the speaker has not adequately shown that sleep apnea causes weight gain. A  correlation is one indication of a causal relationship, but in itself does not suffice to prove such  a relationship. It is entirely possible that some other medical condition, or some other trait or  habit, that causes snoring also causes weight gain. Without establishing dearly that snoring at  least contributes to weight gain, the speaker cannot convince me that snorers should either eat less or exercise more than the average person.

Even if many snorers suffer from sleep apnea and tend to gain weight as a result, the speaker's advice that "anyone who snores" should try to eat less and to exercise is new ertheless unwarranted. It is entirely possible that some--or perhaps even most--snorers do not  suffer from sleep apnea, or are not too tired to exercise, or do not in any event tend to gain  weight. Without ruling out these possibilities, the speaker must expressly limit the advice to those snorers whose snoring causes weight-gain.

Even if the speaker's advice were modified as indicated above, the advice to exercise would still be logically unsound. If a person with sleep apnea is too tired to exercise as a result, then  simply advising that person to exercise begs the question: What should the person do to  eliminate the cause of the tiredness? Thus the speaker should determine the cause of sleep  apnea and modify the advice so that it targets that cause. Of course, ifit turns out that weight  gain is one cause of snoring and sleep apnea, then the speaker's advice that snorers should  try to eat less would have considerable merit. Yet, without any evidence that this is the case,  the speaker's advice might be at least partially ineffective in counteracting a snorer's tendency
to gain weight.

In sum, the speaker's advice for "any" snorer is ill-conceived and poorly supported. To lend credibility to this advice the speaker should provide evidence that the recently collected data reflect the general population. To better assess the argument it would be useful to know all the possible causes of snoring and of sleep apnea.