issue136抽象的哲学问题，感觉有点无话可说，来拍我！

liulin12369UID: 2112878

136,The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very ,very rare .

Two factors weigh heavily against the possibility to make a choice .One is the anticipating to implement this action of choice ,the other choices after understanding there is a point to choose .In so far as no one could make choice without these two processes ,I agree that the absence of choince is a circumstance that is occasionally occurs but not at every turn .

Admittedly ,there is a area effected by natural elements ,thus ,no human power could afford to resist it .It is useless to complain  :" why am I not so charming as Britney ? why didn't I born as a child of Bill Gates ? why I am so healthy and my  little sister born with the leukaemia ? "It is the natural power that shaped all of this connatural features ,just by coincidence of gene or other elements .There seems no choice in this kind of circumstance ,which called fate by some people .Why ?That 's because the two factors are not acquirable .In all these conditions , human cannot predict the possibility  and  cannot choose the result .

However ,removing this unavoidable ground ,there is a extended field to conquer by choices .First of all ,in the material level ,there are lots of merchandise prepared to be choosed ,meanwhile ,diverse serves also wait to be picked up .Then ,concerned with the social relationships ,though one chouldn't decide their parents or sisters and brothers ,they could choose their spouse and friends .When comes to spiritual extend ,even more choices are available .For instance ,a favourite hobby , an attitude to life ,a will to accomplishment ,a romantic character ,and etc may be spiced into the everyday life ,if anyone likes .On the contrary ,when anyone who said "I have no choice ,"it is not mean there is absence of choice but actually there is reluctance to choose the opposite for some unpleasant or unappealing reasons .

Moreover ,even though the natural power goes to such a extend that human beings nearly merely could abide the effect ,there is another choice  responds to the sentences of the "fate".This kind of choice could not reverse circumstance but could lead to a better turnaround .Little incomes ,low status ,may make a person live on welfare ,for example , the English author of Harry Potter ,J.K.Rowling ,a single mother of a little girl ,who had been abandoned by her ex-husband ,had made a choice of imagination and writing fairy tales named Harry Potter .And ,this choice bring her wealth and success ,for every child on the earth knows the Harry Potter .There are lots of single mothers with little children  and low incomes ,which choose to moan for the unfair treatment and wait someone in the past to change thier mind and come back ,unfortunately ,the result is not always so happy .Different choice leads to different consequence .Another classic example is Helen Keller who was blind ,dumb and deaf when she was quite young ,and under the help of her teacher she choose to inspire up and conquer the drawbacks ,as a result ,this aspiring choice award her a excellent talent  and accomplishment as a writer and educator .In spite of the force enhanced by the external coincidence ,the personal choice is fundamentally fatal for a reverse .

In sum ,sometimes ,one could only recieve the innate features and abide the present situation ,however ,there is the choice ,to some extend ,provied the potence to struggle from the chains of fate .Human 's will could seize the choice all the time .

liulin12369UID: 2112878

liulin12369UID: 2112878

fhxyweiUID: 157384

issue136抽象的哲学问题，感觉有点无话可说，来拍我！

136,The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very ,very rare .

Two factors weigh heavily against the possibility to make a choice .One is the anticipating to implement this action of choice ,the other choices after understanding there is a point to choose. [这句话实在是写得难懂，检查一下语法结构，后面一个分句胃语省略了？ 还是倒装？one is, while  the other is,写清楚点] In so far as no one could make choice without these two processes ,I agree that the absence of choince is a circumstance that is occasionally occurs but not at every turn .[基本上是同意题目的观点了，occasionally约等于=rare]

Admittedly ,there is a area effected by natural elements ,thus ,no human power could afford to resist it .It is useless to complain  :" why am I not so charming as Britney ? why didn't I born as a child of Bill Gates ? why I am so healthy and my  little sister born with the leukaemia ? "It is the natural power that shaped all of this connatural features ,just by coincidence of gene or other elements .There seems no choice in this kind of circumstance ,which [is]called fate by some people .Why ?That 's because the two factors are not acquirable .In all these conditions , human cannot predict the possibility  and  cannot choose the result .
[让步写得还可以，就是你得那两个factors没有表达清楚]

However ,removing this unavoidable ground ,there is a extended field to conquer by choices .First of all ,in the material level ,there are lots of merchandise prepared to be choosed ,meanwhile ,diverse serves also wait to be picked up .Then ,concerned with the social relationships ,though one chouldn't decide their parents or sisters and brothers ,they could choose their spouse and friends .When [it]comes to spiritual extend ,even more choices are available .For instance ,a favourite hobby , an attitude to life ,a will to accomplishment ,a romantic character ,and etc may be spiced into the everyday life ,if anyone likes .On the contrary ,when anyone who said "I have no choice ,"it is not mean there is absence of choice but actually there is[发现你特别喜欢用there be存在句型，其实好多情况都可以避免] reluctance to choose the opposite for some unpleasant or unappealing reasons .[本来是没太多时间改语言层面的东西的，这句话我实在是忍不住要帮你修改一下 :Rather, when one claims,"I have no choice", he or she doesn't mean the absence of choice but the reluctance to choose the opposite for some unpleasant or unappealing reasons；修改原因：rather=on the contrary,when从句和主句的主语一般要默认相同，再有it is mean没有这种用法， there is 两次重复，过于verbose]


Moreover ,even though the natural power goes to such a extend that human beings nearly merely could abide the effect ,there is another choice  responds[?] to the sentences of the "fate".  This kind of choice could not reverse circumstance but could lead to a better turnaround .Little incomes ,low status ,may make a person live on welfare ,for example , the English author of Harry Potter ,J.K.Rowling ,a single mother of a little girl ,who had been abandoned by her ex-husband ,had made a choice of imagination and writing fairy tales named Harry Potter .And ,this choice bring her wealth and success ,for every child on the earth knows the Harry Potter .[这个例子举得好象是用来证明逆境能使人成功]There are lots of single mothers with little children  and low incomes ,which choose to moan for the unfair treatment and wait someone in the past to change thier mind and come back ,unfortunately ,the result is not always so happy .Different choice leads to different consequence .[这里讲不同选择的后果，思路跑道哪儿去了？？题目是重点是“有不有”]Another classic example is Helen Keller who was blind ,dumb and deaf when she was quite young ,and under the help of her teacher she choose to inspire up and conquer the drawbacks ,as a result ,this aspiring choice award her a excellent talent  and accomplishment as a writer and educator .[海伦凯勒的例子基本上等于前面的例子，作用不大]In spite of the force enhanced by the external coincidence ,the personal choice is fundamentally fatal for a reverse .[我明白你这一段的意思是讲，逆境中也有好的选择，你主要表达了这个“好”的重要性，而没有重点表达出“有”]


In sum ,sometimes ,one could only recieve[accept] the innate features and abide the present situation ,however ,there is the choice ,to some extend ,provied the potence to struggle from the chains of fate .Human 's will could seize the choice all the time .

前两个body都很好，第三个body中，观点没问题，论证没有力度

最后强烈建议发贴上来之前，把文章放在 word中自检一下，把简单的语法拼写改一下，存在一些语法问题：）呵呵

[ Last edited by fhxywei on 2005-7-20 at 17:34 ]

liulin12369UID: 2112878

话说得很对，就是看范文也写的很生涩。这种又大，又空的论题不好写的说。
可怜我没有word软件啊，功能好像很垃圾，连计字数和检查拼写错误都不能实现的说。

liulin12369UID: 2112878

其实只要写成逆境里，也会有选择就好了~~强调有没有，而不是选择的好坏带来的结果的好坏。

liulin12369UID: 2112878

cityriversonUID: 2119340

确实存在一些上面那个批改指出的问题，论证的思路大体上是很连贯的，但是文章语言存在很多小毛病
例子举得还不错，第三段论证用到的例子其实换个角度来说几句话也是不错的，论证不够力度的问题可能出在你的推导过程上

我写过一个提纲，思路和你很相似，贴出来相互参考一下吧:)
Position:
Although there are some circumstance in which choices are absent for sure, there
are always many alternatives available in most cases.

A. The situation in which no other choices are available do exist.

B. However, in a world full of diversity, the are always many choices placed before
us when we want to make a decision.

C. Sometimes people can find other choices just because them lack adequate time
or information to think thoroughly.

liulin12369UID: 2112878

是滴~~~这么久的一篇都被翻出来了~~汗