Argument117 第一次交作业,欢迎指导~~必回拍!!!!

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Argument117  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：43分钟     455 words
从2005年7月4日17时33分到2005年7月4日18时16分
------题目------
The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'
------正文------
Merely based on several unwarranted assumptions and dubious evidence, the author concluded that through the changes of increasing stock of office machines and supplies, our office-supply department will bring most profits for our Vale-Mart stores. At first glance, the argument appears to be somewhat convincing. However, close scrutiny of the argument reveals that the author provides neither any compelling evidence to make the argument sound nor a logical organization in favor of the conclusion.

Firstly, the survey cited by the author is too vague to be informative. The claim does not indicate who conducted the survey, who responded, or how the survey was conducted. Until these questions are answered, the results are worthless as evidence for the measure that with the development of the work-at-home trend, our Vale-Mart stores should increase the stock of home office machines and supplies in purpose of make more profits.

Another problem is the representativeness of the respondents. For all we know from the survey only a significant percentage of the responds were over 70%; for that matter, perhaps the number of respondents was too low to ensure that they are typical of the work-at-home people. In addition, we are not informed how many the work-at-home people were surveyed but not respond. The greater this number, the less reliable the survey. Thus, lacking evidence of a sufficiently representive sample, I simply cannot accept the author's conclusion whatsoever.

Finally, the author indicates that Valu-Mart stores should increase both the stock  of home office machines and stock of office supplies. Accordingly, the argument rests on the assumption that the work-at-home trend appears and climbs up frequently and that in the past the sale in the office-supply departments of Valu-Mart stores are impressive. Yet we are not informed whether the impressive sales are pertinent with the increasing trend. It  is entirely possible that people who work at home prefer other stores selling home office machines and supplies what they need to the Valu-Mart stores; Its impressive sales were led by the reasons unmentioned in this memo. If this is the case, the recommendation would not serve the goal of the bussiness manager of the Valu-Mart stores that we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stocks of home office machines and supplies in  order to make most profits.

Overall, on the surface, the argument seems to be plausible, in fact, it is groundless and unconvincing as its stands. Not only does it leave out such key issues, but the evidence cited in the analysis does not lead strong support to the author claims. If the argument includes the given factors discussed above before any final decisions are made, it would have been more throughout and adequate

sosoUID: 194270

Merely based on several unwarranted assumptions and dubious evidence, the author concluded that through the changes of increasing stock of office machines and supplies, our office-supply department will bring most profits for our Vale-Mart stores.(应该明确说是home office machines吧,而不是一般意义上的office machines) At first glance, the argument appears to be somewhat convincing. However, close scrutiny of the argument reveals that the author provides neither any(any不要感觉好点) compelling evidence to make the argument sound nor a logical organization in favor of the conclusion.

Firstly, the survey cited by the author is too vague to be informative. The claim does not indicate who conducted the survey, who responded, or how the survey was conducted. Until these questions are answered, the results are worthless as evidence for the measure that(连接得感觉不太舒服,不过我也没想出来怎么改) with the development of the work-at-home trend, our Vale-Mart stores should increase the stock of home office machines and supplies in purpose of make more profits.

Another problem is the representativeness of the respondents. For all we know from the survey only a significant percentage of the responds were over 70%(For all we know from the survey is only a significant percentage of the responds over 70%); for that matter, perhaps the number of respondents was too low(small) to ensure that they are typical of the work-at-home people. In addition, we are not informed how many the work-at-home people were surveyed but not respond. The greater this number, the less reliable the survey. Thus, lacking evidence of a sufficiently representive sample, I simply cannot accept the author's conclusion whatsoever.

Finally, the author indicates that Valu-Mart stores should increase both the stock  of home office machines and stock of office supplies. Accordingly, the argument rests on the assumption that the work-at-home trend appears and climbs up frequently and that in the past the sale in the office-supply departments of Valu-Mart stores are impressive. Yet we are not informed whether the impressive sales are pertinent with the increasing trend. It  is entirely possible that people who work at home prefer other stores selling home office machines and supplies what they need to the Valu-Mart stores; Its impressive sales were led by the reasons unmentioned in this memo. If this is the case, the recommendation would not serve the goal of the bussiness manager of the Valu-Mart stores that we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stocks of home office machines and supplies in  order to make most profits.(这一段如果能精简一点,再列举一些其他可能或许会更好)

Overall, on the surface, the argument seems to be plausible, in fact, it is groundless and unconvincing as its stands. Not only does it leave out such key issues, but the evidence cited in the analysis does not lead strong support to the author claims. If the argument includes the given factors discussed above before any final decisions are made, it would have been more throughout and adequate

总体感觉楼主的argue已经蛮成熟了，语言上因为我自己水平不高，所以说不出来什么。part3部分觉得多举点情况好些，似乎记得谁说过这样比较容易得分。总之第一次作业，指点不当的地方，大家互相讨论讨论。

udoUID: 2114276

我来回拍

udoUID: 2114276

Merely based on several unwarranted assumptions and dubious evidence, the author concluded that through the changes of increasing stock of add'home'office machines and supplies, our office-supply department will bring mosthighest? profits for our Vale-Mart stores. At first glance, the argument appears to be somewhat convincing. However, close scrutiny of the argument reveals that the author provides neither any compelling evidence to make the argument sound nor a logical organization in favor of the conclusion.'neither...nor...' good!

Firstly, the survey cited by the author is too vague to be informative. The claim does not indicate who conducted the survey, who responded, or how the survey was conducted. Until these questions are answered, the results are worthless汗，我只知道not until 句型，你这样写也可以吗？ as evidence for the measure that with the development of the work-at-home trend, our Vale-Mart stores should increase the stock of home office machines and supplies in purpose of in purpose[古]故意地with the purpose of以...为目的make more profits.这里存在着很大的毛病！注意了！如果调查回答了你的那些问题，那么也不是一个strong evidence，因为increase the stock 和make more profit 是个挺复杂的问题，有很多可以批驳的点！这里你只能弱化你的语气。until these questions are answered, the survey can not be taken into our consideration.


Another problem is the representativeness of the respondents. For all we know from the survey only a significant percentage of the responds were over 70%; for that matter, perhaps the number of respondents was too low to ensure that they are typical of the work-at-home people. In addition, we are not informed how many the work-at-home people were surveyed but not respond. The greater this number, the less reliable the survey. Thus, lacking evidence of a sufficiently representive sample, I simply cannot accept the author's conclusion whatsoever. 多写些吧，比如If the respondents have similar backgrounds, the conclusion of the survey is suspicious of its representation.

Finally, the author indicates that Valu-Mart stores should increase both the stock  of home office machines and stock of office supplies. Accordingly, the argument rests on the assumption that the work-at-home trend appears and climbs up frequently and that in the past the sale in the office-supply departments of Valu-Mart stores are impressive没看懂，题中不是说Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past吗？你怎么反着说，你是不是说in the future啊？
. Yet we are not informed whether the impressive sales are pertinent with the increasing trend. It  is entirely 这个副词好，学习学习 possible that people who work at home prefer other stores selling home office machines and supplies what they need 建议去掉这个what they need to the Valu-Mart stores; Its impressive sales were led by the reasons unmentioned in this memo. If this is the case, the recommendation would not serve the goal of the bussiness manager of the Valu-Mart stores that we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stocks of home office machines and supplies in  order to make most profits.

Overall赞 , on the surface, the argument seems to be plausible, in fact, it is groundless and unconvincing as its stands. Not only does it leave out such key issues, but the evidence cited in the analysis does not lead strong support to the author claims. If the argument includes the given factors discussed above before any final decisions are made, it would have been more throughout and adequate


【优点】语言几乎没什么好挑的，就算挑了也不知道我挑的对不对
【缺点】没什么例子，还有叮咚你怎么理解的这句话啊？Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of...
【祝福】加油！共同进步！