Issue144 艺术类的高频，跟着感觉写的，感觉蛮顺，45分钟按时完成！

fhxyweiUID: 157384

Issue144: 539 words  45 minutes
It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value.
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

Before discussing this complex issue, it is necessary for us to have a true understanding of what the lasting value to our society is. As far as my view is concerned, the lasting value can be broadly defined as the contribution to the human's civilization both physically and mentally. In this sense, I would like to call for a balance among which both the artist and critics can give our society something of lasting value.

First of all, artists, who always have a characteristic of creating some works of art that directly provide people with the mental pleasure, are obviously a medley who have contributed to our society a lot. As is known to all, without creating those shocked symphonies handed down from generation to generation, few ones would have known who is Beethoven in the musical realm, and without painting the great oil picture of Mona Lisa, the influence of Da Vinci would have not been so far-reaching in all over the world. Other than those artists themselves who are remembered by the masses forever, it is their works that have become something lasting forever. Compared them, the critics whose main task is to evaluate others' works and guide the common ones to how to appreciate art don't have an advantage of directly leaving some works of art to our civilization. In this sense, therefore, we can agree with the speaker that it is more the artist rather than critic who give our society something of lasting value.

In another sense, however, critics have contributed to our society in other aspects such as providing the guidance to the developing tendency of art, criticizing some unhealthy styles of art, catalyzing some new forms of art and so on. Actually, it is with the help of the critics that more and more common people learn to appreciate the arts. Their deep vision and analysis to some works of arts show the masses a brand new way and a broader framework to understand them. Scarcely less important than creating directly some works of arts is the instruction and propaganda to them conducted by those critics.

Furthermore, only are critics willing to take the responsibility of guiding the arts to develop in a healthy way, which should be acknowledged as one kind of lasting value to human beings. Especially in modern society in which the gap between the arts and some works just for a higher profit is becoming more and more obscure, too many works which are created in the name of arts have been penetrated into the daily life of most people. Take the film production for instance, myriad ones that disguised themselves as works of arts but simply show obscenity, violence and discrimination of races and so on, which can exert a strongly negative influence to our society, especially the younger generation. Fortunately, critics have stood out to grade them and berate some fake ones, which can arouse the public attention to discriminate what is good or not.

In my final analysis, artists are those who are able to create something of lasting value directly by their works while critics tend to contribute to our society indirectly by their wisdom of guidance, criticism, and instruction to works of art.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-12 at 22:24 ]

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

现在先把我的狗狗完成

明天上来看

楼主表打偶:p

[ Last edited by 11yaoyao on 2005-7-12 at 22:04 ]

fhxyweiUID: 157384

谢谢，我等着呢

ahqiuUID: 207682

Before discussing this complex issue, it is necessary for us to have a true understanding of what the lasting value to our society is. As far as my view is concerned, the lasting value can be broadly defined as the contribution to the(the去掉) human's civilization both physically and mentally. In this sense, I would like to call for a balance among which both the artist and critics can give our society something of lasting value.

First of all, artists, who always have a characteristic of creating some works of art that directly provide people with the mental pleasure, are obviously a medley who have contributed to our society a lot. As is known to all, without creating those shocked symphonies handed down from generation to generation, few ones would have known who is Beethoven in the musical realm, and without painting the great oil picture of Mona Lisa, the influence of Da Vinci would have not been so far-reaching in（in去掉） all over the world. Other than those artists themselves who are remembered by the masses forever, it is their works that have become something lasting forever. Compared （加个with吧）them, the critics whose main task is to evaluate others' works and guide the common ones to how to（how to去掉吧） appreciate art don't have an advantage of directly leaving some works of art to our civilization. In this sense, therefore, (therefore用得不好，可以不要，后者放在最前面)we can agree with the speaker that it is more the artist rather than critic who give our society something of lasting value.

In another sense, however, critics have contributed to our society in other aspects such as providing the guidance to the developing tendency of art, criticizing some unhealthy styles of art, catalyzing some new forms of art and so on. Actually, it is with the help of the critics that more and more common people learn to appreciate the arts. Their deep vision and analysis to some works of arts show the masses a brand new way and a broader framework to understand them. Scarcely less important than creating directly some works of arts is the instruction and propaganda to them conducted by those critics.（最后一句好像有点问题，不知道是不是我没读对，呵呵，directly后面少逗号了吧，to them 指的是谁，the masses？？）

Furthermore, only are critics willing to take the responsibility of guiding the arts to develop in a healthy way, which should be acknowledged as one kind of lasting value to human beings. Especially in modern society in which the gap between the arts and some works just for a higher profit is becoming more and more obscure, too many works which are created in the name of arts have been penetrated into the daily life of most people. Take the film production for instance, myriad ones that disguised themselves as works of arts but simply show obscenity, violence and discrimination of races and so on, which can exert a strongly negative influence to our society, especially the younger generation. Fortunately, critics have stood out to grade them and berate some fake ones, which can arouse the public attention to discriminate what is good or not.（what好像用的不对，再考虑一下，说which one is good, 或者用whether it is~~之类）

In my final analysis, artists are those who are able to create something of lasting value directly by their works while critics tend to contribute to our society indirectly by their wisdom of guidance, criticism, and instruction to works of art.
你的文章很厉害的，不过B2是不是在多说两句，还有，感觉你不是中立的观点，而是更倾向于critics,你有两段话的笔墨都花在上面了，而且你表达的意思是到了现代社会，critics更加重要了，
呵呵，语言能力实在是很好，真是羡慕，注意长短句结合

MALONSOUID: 194798

先看看，等会再贴，欢迎互改
http://211.151.90.54/bbs/viewthr ... ht=%2B%2Bmalonso%2B
http://211.151.90.54/bbs/viewthr ... ht=%2B%2Bmalonso%2B
http://211.151.90.54/bbs/viewthr ... ht=%2B%2Bmalonso%2B
http://211.151.90.54/bbs/viewthr ... ht=%2B%2Bmalonso%2B

MALONSOUID: 194798

多指教！！！！！！！！！！

ahqiuUID: 207682

搂主有空吗，帮我看看我的第二篇，给点建议吧，昨天那篇多谢了
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

cssUID: 173612

It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value.
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

Before discussing this complex issue, it is necessary for us to have a true understanding of what the lasting value to our society is. As far as my view is concerned, the lasting value can be broadly defined as the contribution to the human's civilization both physically and mentally. In this sense, I would like to call for a balance among which both the artist and critics can give our society something of lasting value.好严密的开头！

First of all, artists, who always have a characteristic of creating some works of art that directly provide people with the mental pleasure, are obviously a medley who have contributed to our society a lot. As is known to all, without creating those shocked symphonies handed down from generation to generation, few ones would have known who is Beethoven in the musical realm, and without painting the great oil picture of Mona Lisa, the influence of Da Vinci would have not been so far-reaching in all over the world. 打住，这个例子奇怪，是要证明艺术家创造lasting value，而不是说艺术作品使艺术家ever lasting，应该把这个因果顺序调过来Other than those artists themselves who are remembered by the masses forever, it is their works that have become something lasting forever.原来在这小提了一下，可我觉得这句才是重点 Compared them, the critics whose main task is to evaluate others' works and guide the common ones to how to appreciate art don't have an advantage of directly leaving some works of art to our civilization. In this sense, therefore, we can agree with the speaker that it is more 应该去掉more吧 the artist rather than critic who give our society something of lasting value.

In another sense, however, critics have contributed to our society in other aspects such as providing the guidance to the developing tendency of art, criticizing some unhealthy styles of art, catalyzing some new forms of art and so on. Actually, it is with the help of the critics that more and more common people learn to appreciate the arts. Their 有点指代不明 deep vision and analysis to some works of arts show the masses a brand new way and a broader framework to understand them. Scarcely less important than creating directly some works of arts is the instruction and propaganda to them conducted by those critics. 分析挺透彻，但怎么没有例证阿？

Furthermore, only are critics willing to take the responsibility of guiding the arts to develop in a healthy way, which should be acknowledged as one kind of lasting value to human beings. Especially in modern society in which the gap between the arts and some works just for a higher profit is becoming more and more obscure, too many works which are created in the name of arts have been penetrated into the daily life of most people. Take the film production for instance, myriad ones that disguised themselves as works of arts but simply show obscenity, violence and discrimination of races and so on, which can exert a strongly negative influence to our society, especially the younger generation. Fortunately, critics have stood out to grade them and berate some fake ones, which can arouse the public attention to discriminate what is good or not.证得不错，虽然比上段深入，但好像和上一段有交叉，何不换个角度论证艺术家和批评家的关系？比如艺术家不创作，批评家也就没工作了云云。个人意见，仅供参考！;)
In my final analysis, artists are those who are able to create something of lasting value directly by their works while critics tend to contribute to our society indirectly by their wisdom of guidance, criticism, and instruction to works of art. 这个while并列的前后两句式不是句式最好一样啊？Anyway,是个简短明了的好结尾

语言好流畅，结构也完整，向你学习！

[ Last edited by css on 2005-7-13 at 11:52 ]

cssUID: 173612

楼主帮我也看看吧！
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

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欢迎互改！

[ Last edited by css on 2005-7-13 at 17:43 ]

MALONSOUID: 194798

Before discussing this complex issue, it is necessary for us to have a true understanding of what the lasting value to our society is. As far as my view is concerned, the lasting value can be broadly defined as the contribution to the human's civilization both physically and mentally. In this sense, I would like to call for a(the) balance among(omitted) which(that) both the artist and critics can give our society something of lasting value.最后一句可以用同位语丛句吧，用定语丛句我看不出balance在从句中充当什么成份

First of all, artists, who always have a characteristic of creating some works (of art)可去掉太啰嗦了 that directly provide people with the mental pleasure, are obviously(obvious) (a medley)复数 who have contributed to our society a lot. As is known to all, without creating(分词用得不正确，其实可以去掉，不需要用分词) those shocked(shocking) symphonies handed down from generation to generation, few ones(去掉) would have known who is Beethoven in the musical realm, and without painting(和上面creating一样) the great oil（没必要强调油画，我不知道这样的说法有没有，但读起来很别扭） picture of Mona Lisa, the influence of Da Vinci would have not been so far-reaching in（去掉） all over the world. Other than those artists themselves who are remembered by the masses forever, it is their works that have become something lasting forever. Compared （加with）them, the critics ，whose main task is to evaluate others' works and guide the common ones to(应该可以去掉吧) how to appreciate art， don't have an advantage of directly leaving some works of art to our civilization（建议多用非限定性定语从句，这样长句看起来会清晰很多）. In this sense, therefore, we can agree with the speaker that it is more the artist rather than critic who give（单复数gives） our society something of lasting value.

In another sense, however, critics have contributed to our society in other aspects such as providing the guidance to the developing tendency of art, criticizing some unhealthy styles of art, catalyzing some new forms of art and so on. Actually, it is with the help of the critics that more and more common people learn to appreciate the arts. Their deep（用insightful,或者trenchant ） vision and analysis to some works of arts show the masses a brand new way and a broader framework to understand them. Scarcely less important than creating directly（directly creating） some works of arts is(单复数) the instruction and propaganda to介词好象有问题 them conducted by those critics（这句倒装好象有点牵强，我文章的连贯比机械的用不同的句型要重要）.

Furthermore, only are critics willing to take the responsibility of guiding the arts to develop in a healthy way, which should be acknowledged as one kind of lasting value to human beings.（lasting value指代不明，是指a healthy way，还是指the responsibility） Especially in modern society in which the gap between the arts and some works just for a higher profit is becoming more and more obscure, too many works, which are created in the name of arts, have been penetrated into the daily life of most people. Take the film production for instance, myriad ones(换成of them) that disguised themselves(去掉) as works of arts but simply show obscenity, violence and discrimination of races and so on, which can exert a strongly negative influence to our society, especially the younger generation. Fortunately, critics have stood out to grade them and berate some fake ones, which can arouse the public attention to discriminate what is good or not.

In my final analysis, artists are those who are able to create something of lasting value directly by their works while critics tend to contribute to our society indirectly by their wisdom of guidance, criticism, and instruction to works of art.


文章的结构清晰，例证也举的不错，但好像对lasting value 的诠释做的不够，通篇我没发现一些具体的lasting value，如自由，人道，和平，对生命的赞美等。语言的控制力要提高，注意分词和长句的使用，多用逗号使句子结构更清晰，有时没必要为了追求句型的多样，而牺牲了文章的连贯，其实这也是我自己的弱点。楼主的写作速度很快，羡慕ing。

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

Before discussing this complex issue, it is necessary for us to have a true understanding of what the lasting value to our society is. As far as my view is concerned, the lasting value can be broadly defined as the contribution to the human's 其实这个human用不到的，civilization就够了，想说人类文明，不用那么费事，the也多余 civilization both physically and mentally 可以用个压韵的词，psychologically,这样既压头韵又压尾韵，也好听. In this sense, I would like to call for a balance among which both the artist and critics can give our society something of lasting value.
开头不错的说，比较能够吸引眼球，也很严谨，学习ING

First of all, artists, who always have a characteristic of creating some works of art that directly provide people with the mental pleasure, are obviously a medley who have contributed to our society a lot我不喜欢a lot这个词，可以用largely, greatly什么的吧？楼主以为呢. As is known to all, without creating those shocked 用这个词好似不大好，不过有语气在里面，也可以，还有别的词也可以用，比如stupendous symphonies handed down from generation to generation, few ones would have known who is Beethoven 11以为 bach更好记，呵呵 in the musical realm, and without painting the great oil picture of Mona Lisa, the influence of Da Vinci would 我爱犯这样的错误，否定一定要紧跟在助动词或者情态动词后面，所以是would not have not been so far-reaching inIN删掉 all over the world. 两个WITHOUT，其实再加一个WITHOUT气势就出来了，构成排比，小哀给我批的时候也是这样的意见 Other than those artists themselves who are remembered by the 想突出平民百姓以衬托艺术家们的不同，可以说quotidian masses masses forever, it is their works that have become something lasting forever两个OREVER不大舒服. Compared 少介词 them, the critics whose main task is to evaluate others' works and guide the common ones to how 这个TO HOW多余to appreciate art don't have an advantage of directly leaving some works of art to our civilization. In this sense 上面用过了，换个, therefore, we can agree with the speaker that it is more 这么用不对，去掉算了 the artist rather than 加THE critic who give GIVE 不好，可以用FURNISH，与PROVIDE一样的意思 our society something of lasting value.
我比较支持的论述方法是一句论述对一个ILLUSTRATION，这样比较生动，但是毛病在于例子多会论述不清楚详尽，不过我还是觉得关于后面CRITICS可以加个例子说明。如果实在没例子，不说也罢。我觉得楼主的前面的例子还是可以的，不过可以再想想用别的什么说法，我也在头疼这个问题，怎么能把例子突出又不突兀的表述自己的观点呢？我觉得楼主这样用可以的，不过我在想能不能以点到为止的办法说明一件事，让结论水到渠成……楼主愿意的话我们讨论下
In another sense, however, critics have contributed to our society in other aspects可以这么用： in such aspects as…省事多了 such as providing the guidance to the developing tendency of art, criticizing some unhealthy styles of art, catalyzing some new forms of art and so on. Actually, it is with the help of the critics that more and more common people learn to appreciate theTHE多余 arts. Their deep vision and analysis to some works of arts show the masses a brand new way and a broader framework to understand them THEM多余. Scarcely less important than creating directly some works of arts is the instruction and propaganda to them conducted by those critics.这句不错的说

Furthermore, only are critics willing to take the responsibility of guiding the arts to develop in a healthy way, which should be acknowledged as one kind of lasting value to human beings. Especially in modern society in which the gap between the arts and some works just for a higher profit is becoming more and more 嘉帮我改的时候说这样用不好，换个INCREASINGLY 或者别的什么的 obscure, too many works which are created in the name of arts have been penetrated into the daily life of most people. Take the film production for instance, myriad ones that disguised themselves as works of arts but simply show obscenity, violence and discrimination of races and so on, which can exert a strongly negative influence to our society, especially the younger generation. Fortunately, critics have stood out to grade them and berate some fake ones, which can arouse the public attention to discriminate what is good or not.
这段比较好比上段感觉更流畅了，不过似乎和上面的论述有重复的地方，想说CRITIC的重要性，我觉得可以还有别的方面可说，比如说他们的宣传能力强，方法广什么的……我乱说，楼主再想想……
In my final analysis, artists are those who are able to create something of lasting value directly by their works while critics tend to contribute to our society indirectly by their wisdom of guidance, criticism, and instruction to works of art.
恩，我喜欢的结尾，我的毛病就是开头结尾死活短不下来，一短就短的要死……苦恼。这样的结尾我喜欢，学习下
貌似楼主两个都是持加号观点，不过有所侧重，这样的话，后面两段说CRITIC，前面的那段说ARTISTS的就可以用让步来引领，后面两段构成大转折，楼主可以试试，我的小建议罢了……

fhxyweiUID: 157384

TO:11yaoyao
你的修改入木三分，特别是一些语法上面的东西，考场上我估计还写不成这样，好多拼写错误是我改了的，现在担心呢，虽然45分钟基本尚能完成，但跟本没有修改的时间

fhxyweiUID: 157384

请教11yaoyao:


we can agree with the speaker that it is more 这么用不对，去掉算了 the artist rather than 加THE critic who give GIVE 不好，可以用FURNISH，与PROVIDE一样的意思 our society something of lasting value.

改成这样怎么样？
we can agree with the speaker that it is the artist rather than the critic who give GIVE 不好，可以用FURNISH，与PROVIDE一样的意思 our society something of lasting value.

huo\
或者：
we can agree with the speaker that it is  the artist but not the critic who give our society something of lasting value.

2, in this sense，还可以用什么短语替换来表达“在这种意义上” ，in this point??

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

1里面后两种都可以吧

我的意思是，那个more是错的，rather than 不是比较状语从句

2 的那个，我一时也想不到啊……

可以发帖子问下啊，我看了好多作文都是这样反复的用in this sense
应该有好多说法的

ahqiuUID: 207682

to some extent是不是啊