issue11 非限时完成

d_messiahUID：177468

非限时完成，710words

issue11 All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.
       
With the development of the society and communication among countries, human beings, as a whole creature on the earth, gradually recognize that there are a mass of problems, which are faced not only by a small portion of people of some countries, but by a majority, almost all over the world. So, a view that human need a multi-national supported university targeting to settle these persistent problems comes into sight. It is an ideal solution to these problems at first glance; notwithstanding, such an establishment of a global university would come across a list of difficulties and then proves to be an unrealistic fantasies.

Looking at the world map, we can clearly notice the boundaries between countries, however, in the reality, there are only lands, islands and the ocean, without any form of boundaries. In fact, it is no doubt that there are a mass of problems facing all the people on the earth, which almost become the obstacle in the way of the development of the society and at the same time call for the effort of the total citizens of the earth village. Taking the environment as an example, everyone lives in only one atmosphere, so the pollution and environment press embarrass the development of every country. Also, the exhausting line of the energy is coming, so people must quest for a new source of energy to meet the growing population all over the world, while saving the existing and known sources of energy. And it is a hard task for people to harness the limited arable land on the earth to meet the growing food need. In a sense, now that these problems are related to all the people, then all nations should corporate to solve them. A global university may be an ideal solution because such a university will congregate all the advanced knowledge and the most up-to-date technologies together. But, an ideal solution does not mean a feasible one.

Before the multi-national supported university is established, a list of significant questions needs the appropriate and feasible keys. Unfortunately, many of these questions do not have answers for the answers will be given from all the people of the world with different background and own benefit. For instance, which country will be given the throne? Some will argue that the nation owing the most advanced knowledge and the most powerful economics should play the leading role in such university. But some people, especially from the developing countries, will emphasize that the power should be shared equally. And then, such a question will lead to a new one that who will benefit more from this global university, or saying that how determine the importance of the persistent problems? As we all know, that in the world although some problems are the public ones, but for different nation, the most urgent problems will no doubt be different. For example, Africa nations have to solve the poverty and famine, China has a huge amount of population and the U.S. wants to keep his position on the world stage. In a word, such problems should be resolved before the global university's founding, which suggest that it is hard to put such a global university' setting into practice.

Even if the similar problems discussed above can be solved, I should ask another question that is it necessary to establish such a multi-national supported university? It is the corporation that the persistent social problems in the world, in fact, indeed need. Nowadays, almost in every nation, there is at least one university. If these universities can communicate frequently and while solving some common problems, they can solve some special problems of their own countries, the consequence may be better than establish a really existing global university. The development of the technology in today makes it possible that everyone in the world, no matter where he/she is, can connect with the others commodiously.

To sum up, although, to some extents, the world needs such a global university aiming to settle the persistent problems in society, however, such a suggestion way be only an ideal blueprint in that it is must firstly to settle other problems in the way. In addition, such a global university will be not a necessary solution to those problems.

[ Last edited by d_messiah on 2005-7-26 at 15:28 ]

d_messiahUID：177468

自己顶一下吧

czzbUID：208982

With the development of the society and communication among countries, human beings, as a whole creature on the earth, gradually recognize that there are a mass of problems, which are faced not only by a small portion of people of some countries, but by a majority, almost all over the world. So, a view that human need a multi-national supported university targeting to settle these persistent problems comes into sight. It is an ideal solution to these problems at first glance; notwithstanding, such an establishment of a global university would come across a list of difficulties and then proves to be an unrealistic fantasies.好词
最好把b3也概括进去

Look lookingat the world map, we can clearly notice the boundaries between countries, however, in the reality, there are only lands, islands and the ocean, without any form of boundaries. In fact, it is no doubt that there are a mass of problems facing all the people on the earth, which almost become the obstacle in the way of the development of the society and at the same time call for the effort of the total citizens of the earth village. Taking the environment as an example, everyone lives in only one atmosphere, so the pollution and environment press embarrass the development of every country. Also, the exhausting line of the energy is coming, so people must quest for a new source of energy to meet the growing population all over the world, while saving the existing and known sources of energy. And it is a hard task for people to harness the limited arable land on the earth to meet the growing food need. In a sense, now that these problems are related to all the people, then all nations should corporate to solve them. A global university may be an ideal solution because such a university will congregate all the advanced knowledge and the most up-to-date technologies together. But, an ideal solution does not mean a feasible one.
这一段背景的字数有点长 前面关于全球化问题的部分，我觉得可以精简 因为你710字太惊人了。
另外
university不是研究所 似乎主要的功能是education 所以正面肯定它应该从培养人才这方面入手我觉得

Before the multi-national supported university is established, a list of significant questions needs the appropriate and feasible keys. Unfortunately, many of these questions do not have answers for the answers will be given from all the people of the world with different background and own benefit. For instance, which country will be given the throne? Some will argue that the nation owing the most advanced knowledge and the most powerful economics should play the leading role in such university. But some people, especially from the developing countries, will emphasize that the power should be shared equally. And then, such a question will lead to a new one that who will benefit more from this global university, or saying that how determine the importance of the persistent problems? As we all know, that in the world although some problems are the public ones, but for different nation,nations the most urgent problems will no doubt be different. For example, Africa nations have to solve the poverty and famine, China has a huge amount of population and the U.S. wants to keep his position on the world stage. In a word, such problems should be resolved before the global university's founding, which suggest that it is hard to put such a global university' setting into practice.
这一段的重点好像不是很突出 你是想说这个大学的想法naive是吧，只是说有其他前提式的问题要解决不能驳倒这个论题的必要性啊

Even if the similar problems discussed above can be solved, I should ask another question that is it necessary to establish such a multi-national supported university? It is the corporation that the persistent social problems in the world, in fact, indeed need. Nowadays, almost in every nation, there is at least one university. If these universities can communicate frequently and while solving some common problems, they can solve some special problems of their own countries, the consequence may be better than establish a really existing global university. The development of the technology in today makes it possible that everyone in the world, no matter where he/she is, can connect with the others commodiously.
这一段写的到位 向你学习
To sum up, although, to some extents, the world needs such a global university aiming to settle the persistent problems in society, however, such a suggestion way be only an ideal blueprint in that it is must firstly to settle other problems in the way. In addition, such a global university will be not a necessary solution to those problems.

czzbUID：208982

你的语言我觉得有很多小的问题 比如主谓一致阿 时态阿 虚拟阿 还是注意:)一下比较好

AlexandraUID：185174

issue11 非限时完成非限时完成，710wordsissue11 All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems. 所有的国家都应该帮助建立起一个全球性的大学，用来培养学生们解决世界上最顽固头疼的社会问题
首先建议你以后把自己的提纲 列出来， 这样方便大家看，好吗？      
With the development of the society and communication among countries, human beings, as a whole creature on the earth, gradually recognize that there are a mass of problems, which are faced not only by a small portion of people of some countries  
[ 换个说法。OK？，而且，开头，我感觉有些老套。我发现过更好的。] , but by a majority, almost all over the world. So, a view that human need a multi-national supported university targeting to settle these persistent problems comes into sight. It is an ideal solution to these problems at first glance; notwithstanding [好，终于看到 一个不一样的词。]  , such an establishment of a global university would come across a list of difficulties and then proves to be an unrealistic fantasies.  [ 开头，是不是应该把你的所有观点 列出来？] Looking at the world map, we can clearly notice the boundaries between countries, however, in the reality, there are only lands, islands and the ocean, without any form of boundaries. In fact, it is no doubt that there are a mass of problems facing [从句的宾语呢？] all the people on the earth, which almost become the obstacle in the way of the development of the society and at the same time call for the effort of the total citizens of the earth village. Taking the environment as an example, everyone lives in only one atmosphere, so the pollution and environment press embarrass the development of every country. Also, the exhausting line of the energy is coming, so people must quest for a new source of energy to meet the growing population all over the world, while saving the existing and known sources of energy. And it is a hard task for people to harness the limited arable land on the earth to meet the growing food need. In a sense, now that these problems are related to all the people, then all nations should corporate to solve them.  [ 社会问题，你用了环境的例子， 但是，我觉得你在论述的时候， 说服力不够，估计 是语言问题，至少，没有 说服我。 感觉你在排句子。] A global university may be an ideal solution because such a university will congregate all the advanced knowledge and the most up-to-date technologies together. But, an ideal solution does not mean a feasible one.
[ 看完B1， 我觉得，在说任何话之前，把 自己的在这个BODY的观点先表达出来，再进一步分析。——我的意思表达清楚否？就是英语中，TS  的概括句，要很清楚地告诉大家，不要先写那么多的修饰语，那么长的话，要别人自己 好好总结。要让人家一眼 就知道你想说什么。 尽管 你的表达，也没有错，但是你想想，本来你的语言就不怎样，让人很累地 看完你前面的话，终于在后面出现了你的总结性句子，我估计 ，看到人心里不会很愉快。——算是我的个人看法吧。]
[还有在B 1中，你用了很多SO啊。 句式 也不多。]

Before the multi-national supported university is established, a list of significant questions needs the appropriate and feasible keys. Unfortunately, many of these questions do not have answers for the answers will be given from all the people of [偶用IN]  the world with different background and own benefit. For instance, which country will be given the throne? [这样写？？]  Some will argue that the nation owing the most advanced knowledge and the most powerful economics should play the leading role in such university. But some people, especially from the developing countries, will emphasize that the power should be shared equally. And then, such a question will lead to a new one that who will benefit more from this global university, or saying that how determine the importance of the persistent problems? As we all know, that in the world although some problems are the public ones, but for different nation, the most urgent problems will no doubt be different. For example, Africa nations have to solve the poverty and famine, China has a huge amount of population and the U.S. wants to keep his position on the world stage. In a word, such problems should be resolved before the global university's founding, which suggest that it is hard to put such a global university' setting into practice. [在举例子时，我不知道 美国人看到这句Africa nations have to solve the poverty and famine, China has a huge amount of population and the U.S. wants to keep his position on the world stage，会怎么想。]

Even if the similar problems discussed above can be solved, I should ask another question that is it necessary to establish such a multi-national supported university? It is the corporation that the persistent social problems in the world, in fact, indeed need [有点别扭]. Nowadays, almost in every nation, [nation少了一个S] there is at least one university. If these universities can communicate frequently and while solving some common problems, they can solve some special problems of their own countries, the consequence may be better than establish a really existing global university. The development of the technology in today makes it possible that everyone in the world, no matter where he/she is, can connect with the others commodiously.  [这段，写得比上两段明白。]

To sum up, although, to some extents, the world needs such a global university aiming to settle the persistent problems in society, however, such a suggestion way be only an ideal blueprint in that it is must firstly to settle other problems in the way. In addition, such a global university will be not a necessary solution to those problems.
[这句话，写的方式，我觉得不好。]

总结一下， 句子，要多练习。我建议你看看 我们组的HTPENG的句子，他写的句子，还有段落的概括性好。比如他那篇 “摄影记录VS文字记录”——我的看法。还有 段落的TS 句，我觉得要写明白。
不过 你也有优点，你还能有话说， 问题只是 意思表达不太好。
继续努力。

d_messiahUID：177468

谢谢校友的批改和建议，我想针对里面你提的部分建议讨论一二

首先，开头如果保守点儿是应该把所有的观点列上，B3 是写得过程中想到的，你说的没有错
至于说开头，我是想找到这个论断的原因，因为作为这道ISSUE题目，它的陈述背后是有原因的，我想命题者是希望我们找到这个原因，而且可以从这个原因出发论证它的合理性，因为，一般的ISSUE题目，都是由合理成分的，这也就造成了没有正确答案的说法，怎么立论都行，我的论证就是想说明它的合理性后说明它的不可实现性和必要性，必要性是写得过程中想到的。
至于说提纲，哈哈，我觉得有的文章一看就知道了，所以忘了写上去了。
关于B1的TS，不蛮你说，我开始写的时候是首句就是TS的，但后来觉得干巴巴的，反正这次又没限时，干脆改的大些，加了点儿铺垫，第二句就是TS了，看来表达的真是问题太大了。不过，谁规定的必须段首句必须是TS呢，又不是八股。可能是因为后加的，所以感觉和其他的地方感觉有些跳跃，以后会注意的
B1中的例子，我觉得这已经是很明显的了，我不知道你说的表述不明指的什么，不过，我觉得如果例子非要洋洋洒洒写上百字，那已经失去例证的初衷了。我不明白你说的表述不清是什么意思，有可能的话，能指点的清楚些，我将十分感谢
关于B2 中的例子，我不知道有什么不好，给美国人看这些，首先，这有指责他们的意思吗？前面说保持领先已经够给面子的了，还要怎么迎合，ANYWAY，我觉得这个例子说的没错。
关于B3，看来我们有分歧，我就觉得B3 写得不够，因为我写得时候就觉得这个必要性是很重要的问题，但我当时没话说了，也写得累了，没限时前面写得够累的了，我还想找时间加点东西给B3呢，看来现在是给B1和B2减肥的时候。

谢谢你的建议

[ Last edited by d_messiah on 2005-7-26 at 22:44 ]

fishtutuUID：199884

issue11 非限时完成非限时完成，710wordsissue11 All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems. 所有的国家都应该帮助建立起一个全球性的大学，用来培养学生们解决世界上最顽固头疼的社会问题
      
With the development of the society and communication among countries, human beings, as a whole creature on the earth, gradually recognize that there are a mass of problems, which are faced not only by a small portion of people of some countries , but by a majority, almost all over the world. So, a view that human need a multi-national supported university targeting to settle these persistent problems comes into sight. It is an ideal solution to these problems at first glance; notwithstanding , such an establishment of a global university would come across a list of difficulties and then proves to be an unrealistic fantasies. 佩服，第一段就这么长！不过觉得没必要
Looking at the world map, we can clearly notice the boundaries between countries, however, in the reality, there are only lands, islands and the ocean, without any form of boundaries. In fact, it is no doubt that there are a mass of problems facingall the people on the earth, which almost become the obstacle in the way of the development of the society and at the same time call for the effort of the total citizens of the earth village. Taking the environment as an example, everyone lives in only one atmosphere, so the pollution and environment press embarrass the development of every country. Also, the exhausting line of the energy is coming, so people must quest for a new source of energy to meet the growing population all over the world, while saving the existing and known sources of energy. And it is a hard task for people to harness the limited arable land on the earth to meet the growing food need. In a sense, now that these problems are related to all the people, then all nations should corporate to solve them.   A global university may be an ideal solution because such a university will congregate all the advanced knowledge and the most up-to-date technologies together. But, an ideal solution does not mean a feasible one. 好多长句！
Before the multi-national supported university is established, a list of significant questions needs the appropriate and feasible keys. Unfortunately, many of these questions do not have answers for the answers will be given from all the people of  the world with different background and own ？？怪benefit. For instance, which country will be given the throne? which？？  Some will argue that the nation owing the most advanced knowledge and the most powerful economics should play the leading role in such university. But some people, especially from the developing countries, will emphasize that the power should be shared equally. And then, such a question will lead to a new one that who will benefit more from this global university, or saying that how determine the importance of the persistent problems? As we all know, that in the world although some problems are the public ones, but for different nation, the most urgent problems will no doubt be different. For example, Africa nations have to solve the poverty and famine, China has a huge amount of population and the U.S. wants to keep his position on the world stage. In a word, such problems should be resolved before the global university's founding, which suggest that it is hard to put such a global university' setting into practice. 举一两个深入比较好

Even if the similar problems discussed above can be solved, I should ask another question that is it necessary to establish such a multi-national supported university? It is the corporation that the persistent social problems in the world, in fact, indeed need 这句话整体有问题？？？. Nowadays, almost in every nation, there is at least one university. If these universities can communicate frequently and while solving some common problems, they can solve some special problems of their own countries, the consequence may be better than establish a really existing global university. The development of the technology in today makes it possible that everyone in the world, no matter where he/she is, can connect with the others commodiously.  长句好多啊！

To sum up, although, to some extents, the world needs such a global university aiming to settle the persistent problems in society, however, such a suggestion way be only an ideal blueprint in that it is must firstly to settle other problems in the way. In addition, such a global university will be not a necessary solution to those problems.
整体再减肥一下，TS要突出点！长句写得不错,值得学习!

ccmonicayzUID：2101322

语言是需要时间提高的，匆匆的上场，为了一个相对可疑的分数，真是白瞎了这次考试

AlexandraUID：185174

Originally posted by d_messiah at 2005-7-26 22:32
谢谢校友的批改和建议，我想针对里面你提的部分建议讨论一二

首先，开头如果保守点儿是应该把所有的观点列上，B3 是写得过程中想到的，你说的没有错
至于说开头，我是想找到这个论断的原因，因为作为这道ISSU ...

哦好吧 校友，是我考虑得 不够周到。

d_messiahUID：177468

Originally posted by Alexandra at 2005-7-27 19:57


哦好吧 校友，是我考虑得 不够周到。

你还没回答我的问题呢，我想知道你说的那个说服力不够具体指的什么呢？:)能具体说说吗