issue30 首次分4段写的。渴望互拍，有砖必回！

zehuaUID：199246

题目：The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
有砖必回！
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The speaker asserts that the primary goal of technological advancement is to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time. I find this statement fundamentally wrong. Although technological advancement does increase people's efficiency, this is not its primary goal. Instead, the primary goal should be to improve living condition and health, both physically and mentally.

Admittedly, it might seem tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that technological advancement has increased people's efficiency dramatically for the recent centuries. With the worldwide industry revolution, the world is changing fast.
A trip from China to USA would take six months in 1800's by sea, but now only ten hours by plane. In Ford car factory, it used to take a day to produce a car in early this century, but now it only takes 2 minutes, with even less employees. A recent report tells us that the average working efficiency is increasing by 5% every year, due to improvement in technology and renewal of factory facilities.

Yet such drastic changes do not lend more leisure time to people. Instead, we are busier than ever. The wide application of internet and mobile phone have brought more convenience in communication, while at the same time force people to work all the time, along with the more and more sever competitions. More and more people suffer from working pressure nowadays. Yahoo.com reports that around 52% of USA business man work during their summer vocation, which is unimaginable to people in the 1990's. Therefore technological advancement is making the world busier than ever.

Instead, the primary goal of technological advancement is to make the world a better place to live, while at the same time improve our physical and mental health. It is commonly accepted that technological advancement contributes a lot to the improvement of living conditions. Our cities used to be dusty and gloomy, but now it is clean and brilliant. We used to suffer from hot summer, and cold winter. But now we can enjoy the benefits of air-conditioners. The plague killed over three fourth of European population in the medieval, but now it can never beat us, with the aid of vaccine. Technological advancement makes a more comfortable world to live in.

However, we should realize that technological advancement is a two-edged sword. While bringing certain benefits to people, it is threatening us more than ever: spread of atomic bombs, global warming effect, and environmental pollution. Such problems are taking human to the edge of a cliff. Moreover, certain kinds of problems could not be solved merely by technological advancement, such as cultures conflicts, mental void, moral degradation and terrorism. Only human tolerance, empathy and retrospection can bring solution to such problems.

In the final analysis, the speaker's statement is based on a hasty generalization. Technological advancement is improving our world and making people more efficient. However, it does not bring us more leisure time. Instead, it is making the world busier than ever. We should also realize that the primary goal of technological advancement is to improve our living and health conditions. Yet it cannot bring solution to every social problem.

[ Last edited by zehua on 2005-7-30 at 13:26 ]

zehuaUID：199246

晕！顶！

zehuaUID：199246

ding!@

dinddind2003UID：196353

交给我拉，挑挑毛病，

dr_greenUID：193584

Issue 30 by zuhua
题目：The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
有砖必回！
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
The speaker asserts that the primary goal of technological advancement is to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time. I find this statement fundamentally wrong. Although technological advancement does increase people's efficiency, this is not its primary goal.鉴于题目是should 类型的 这句话说成“this should not be its primary goal”是不是好一点？具体参见imong的追星剑chapter1.4 is vs should那章 Instead, the primary goal should be to improve living condition and health, both physically and mentally.

Admittedly, it might seem tempting to agree with the speaker on the basis that technological advancement has increased people's efficiency dramatically for the recent centuries. With the worldwide industry revolution, the world is changing fast.
A trip from China to USA would take six months in 1800's by sea, but now only ten hours by plane. In Ford car factory, it used to take a day to produce a car in early this century, but now it only takes 2 minutes, with even less employees. A recent report tells us that the average working efficiency is increasing by 5% every year, due to improvement in technology and renewal of factory facilities.

Yet such drastic changes do not lend more leisure time to people. Instead, we are busier than ever. The wide application of internet and mobile phone have brought more convenience in communication, while at the same time force people to work all the time, along with the more and more sever severe competitions. More and more people suffer from working pressure nowadays. Yahoo.com reports that around 52% of USA business man work during their summer vocation. 这个例子出来的有点突然 如果能够稍微多展开分析一下 会更好。如果只是这样一句话 那么用写argument 的挑剔眼光看 至少它缺少和过去“人们不在summer vocation里工作”的对比。。啊我的意思就是 建议在引例子的时候稍微分析一下 不然看上去像是例子的堆砌 Therefore technological advancement is making the world busier than ever.

Instead, the primary goal of technological advancement is should be? to make the world a better place to live, while at the same time improve our physical and mental health. It is commonly accepted that technological advancement contributes a lot to the improvement of living conditions. Our cities used to be dusty and gloomy, but now it is clean and brilliant. We used to suffer from hot summer, and cold winter. But now we can enjoy the benefits of air-conditioners. The plague killed over three fourth of European population in the medieval, but now it can never beat us, with the aid of vaccine. 排比句～～赞！！！ Technological advancement makes a more comfortable world to live in.
technological advancement has made a more comfortable world to live in. 不能证明the primary goal of technological advancement IS to make the world a better place to live呀。

However, we should realize that technological advancement is a two-edged sword. While bringing certain benefits to people, it is threatening us more than ever: spread of atomic bombs, global warming effect, and environmental pollution. Such problems are taking human to the edge of a cliff. Moreover, certain kinds of problems could not be solved merely by technological advancement, such as cultures conflicts, mental void, moral degradation and terrorism. Only human tolerance, empathy and retrospection can bring solution to such problems.
这一段。。。是在证明什么呀 对你的观点做一个让步吗？从ts看不出来它在全文中的作用

In the final analysis, the speaker's statement is based on a hasty generalization. Technological advancement is improving our world and making people more efficient. However, it does not bring us more leisure time. Instead, it is making the world busier than ever. We should also realize that the primary goal of technological advancement is to improve our living and health conditions. Yet it cannot bring solution to every social problem.

你的文笔好好哦～～～从语言上来说我完全没有意见可提 通篇读下来觉得很流畅的 厉害厉害的说

但是从文章的切入点和论证过程来说 我不知道你有没有看过imong的追星剑特训 根据他的分析：
从这道题目的角度来讲是一道should题 也就是说题目并没有强调现在的primary goal of technology是不是“increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.”这一事实
而是认为出于“so that everyone has more leisure time”这样的原因 its goal 应该是这样的
那么反驳这个观点似乎从“应不应该”入手 比如讨论increase people's efficiency的好处与坏处，讨论everyone has more leisure time的必要性和可能性 讨论你的论点make the world a better place to live的重要性，等等
而你的论证从开始讨论科技确实发展了 提高了工作效率； 证明了人们现在的生活并未得到更多的leisure time；说明科技发展的好处；又谈到科技的局限性。这个论证过程怎么看都是在论证科技“有没有”使人类生活更美好
这是我的看法啦  我们再交流看看 或者放到日用贴里大家讨论一下吧＝)

dinddind2003UID：196353

555555555555555，不给我 改的 机会，我看看了，同时再找别人的 改了

dinddind2003UID：196353

我也看了，真的感觉语言很好，思路也挺清晰，只是不懂4段优点有哪些，感觉你的前三段已经把话说得差不多了，第四段有点象总结。