issue150 拍必回！

ouymUID: 2109118

Issue 150  又是花了5个小时才搞出来，还曾几度产生放弃的想法！请xdjm们拍砖，拍必会！

150 "BECAUSE OF TELEVISION AND WORLDWIDE COMPUTER CONNECTIONS, PEOPLE CAN NOW BECOME FAMILIAR WITH A GREAT MANY PLACES THAT THEY HAVE NEVER VISITED. AS A RESULT, TOURISM WILL SOON BECOME OBSOLETE." 150． 通过电视和全世界联网的计算机，人们得以了解很多他们没有去过的地方。所以，旅游事业会越来越不景气。

提纲
态度：否认
1．        电视、网络使人们出游更方便，从而促进旅游
2．        电视、网络无法取代旅游本身

It is true that television and worldwide computer connections is more and more popular than ever before. So people can now visit all over the world without leaving their home. Therefore, the speaker asserts that tourism will soon become obsolete. In my opinion, however, it is not case at all. I believe that tourism will become more attractive to all of us owning to the tourism information which is transmitted mainly by television and internet, the worldwide computer connections.

With increasing amount of information about tourism available for crowd, tourism will definite prosperous. During the last three decades, human society has experienced a series of unprecedented changes which have deep influence to our society in every aspect. Among those changes the most prominent one is the appearance and development of television and worldwide computer connections. With the help of television and internet, we can now stay at home and just turn to a tour program or browse the world wide web to visit all over the world. So some may believe that going out for a tour, which is relative expensive and exhaustive when compare to watching tour program or surging the web, will lose its attractive. However, the fact is that during the last three decades, tourism has becoming more prosperous than ever before.

At first, as to the tour places, through television and internet, it is very easy for them to introduce themselves to their potential tourists. They can show themselves vividly through wonderful image and dulcet sounds. As to the tourists, they can also easily get a lot of useful information about tourism such as the location of the tour place, the climate, the possible expense of the tour. Internet also provides forums for tourist to communicate their experience of tour. All of this makes the tour more and more convenient and attractive.

Secondly, television and internet can never replace tourism. Through watching TV or surging the web, people do become familiar with the places they have never visited. But these will no necessary lead to tourism become obsolete. No matter how vivid the image is and how comprehensive the tour program is, none of these can substitute the experience of going to tour place. For example, we can easily access to the large amount of photograph of the moon through television and internet. We can even see the stirring first footprints of mankind on the surface of the moon. But how can we touch the soil of the moon with our own hands and how can we feel the dead silence pervading the moon if we don’t go there. So there is something particular of tourism that we can never get from watching TV or surging the internet. A true tourist would never overlook these things which are essence of tourism.

To sum up, the prevalence of television and internet will not exert a negative influence on tourism, on the contrary, I believe that tourism will prosperous than ever before owning to the increasing facility of traffic and gaining tourism information which is transmitted mainly by television and worldwide computer connections.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-6 at 10:29 ]

ouymUID: 2109118

自顶一个！

cloudbirdUID: 208021

It is true that television and worldwide computer connections is more and more popular than ever before. So people can now visit all over the world without leaving their home. Therefore, the speaker asserts that tourism will soon become obsolete. In my opinion, however, it is not (the) case at all. I believe that tourism will become more attractive to all of us owning to the tourism information which is transmitted mainly by television and internet, (and)the worldwide computer connections. (  还可以想办法把开头写得简洁些)

With increasing amount of information about tourism available for crowd（这个词不太好）, tourism will definite（不要用太绝对的词） prosperous. During the last three decades, human society has experienced a series of unprecedented changes which have deep influence to our society in every aspect. Among those changes the most prominent one is the appearance and development of television and worldwide computer connections. With the help of television and internet, we can now stay at home and just turn to a tour program or browse the world wide web to visit all over the world. So some may believe that going out for a tour, which is relative expensive and exhaustive when compare to watching tour program or surging the web, will lose its attractive. However, the fact is that during the last three decades, tourism has becoming more prosperous than ever before. （这一段好象后面的论述没有很好的支持前面的主题句，要围绕主题句来论述啊）

At first, as to the tour places, through television and internet, it is very easy for them to introduce themselves to their potential tourists. They can show themselves vividly through wonderful image and dulcet sounds. As to the tourists, they can also easily get a lot of useful information about tourism such as the location of the tour place, the climate, the possible expense of the tour. Internet also provides forums for tourist to communicate their experience of tour. All of this makes the tour more and more convenient and attractive.（论述还可以，稍微细致深入一点可能更好）

Secondly, television and internet can never replace tourism（这种说法不太妥当吧）. Through watching TV or surging the web, people do become familiar with the places they have never visited. But these will no necessary lead to tourism become obsolete. No matter how vivid the image is and how comprehensive the tour program is, none of these can substitute the experience of going to tour place. For example, we can easily access to the large amount of photograph of the moon through television and internet. We can even see the stirring first footprints of mankind on the surface of the moon. But how can we touch the soil of the moon with our own hands and how can we feel the dead silence pervading the moon if we don’t go there. So there is something particular of tourism that we can never get from watching TV or surging the internet. A true tourist would never overlook these things which are essence of tourism.（举例不错啊）

To sum up, the prevalence of television and internet will not exert a negative influence on tourism, on the contrary, I believe that tourism will prosperous than ever before owning to the increasing facility of traffic and gaining tourism information which is transmitted mainly by television and worldwide computer connections.

总的来说，文章总体的逻辑结构还有提升的空间！加油！

另一篇：
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... hlight=%2Bcloudbird

MIMOSARLUID: 2112846

It is true that television and worldwide computer connections is more and more popular than ever before. So people can now visit all over the world without leaving their home. Therefore, the speaker asserts that tourism will soon become obsolete. In my opinion, however, it is not case at all. I believe that tourism will become more attractive to all of us owning to the tourism information which is transmitted mainly by television and internet, the worldwide computer connections.

With increasing amount of information about tourism available for crowd, tourism will definite prosperous(觉得哦口， will be definitely prosperous). During the last three decades, human society has experienced a series of unprecedented changes which have deep influence to our society in every aspect. Among those changes the most prominent one is the appearance and development of television and worldwide computer connections. With the help of television and internet, we can now stay at home and just turn to a tour program or browse the world wide web to visit all over the world. So some may believe that going out for a tour, which is relative expensive and exhaustive when compare to watching tour program or surging the web, will lose its attractive. However, the fact is that during the last three decades, tourism has becoming more prosperous than ever before. 这一段是不是可以写的简单一些，以为起的是admittedly, 作用，没有必要写这么详细的哦

At first, as to the tour places, through television and internet, it is very easy for them to introduce themselves to their potential tourists. They can show themselves vividly through wonderful image and dulcet sounds. As to the tourists, they can also easily get a lot of useful information about tourism such as the location of the tour place, the climate, the possible expense of the tour. Internet also provides forums for tourist to communicate their experience of tour. All of this makes the tour more and more convenient and attractive.

Secondly, television and internet can never replace tourism. Through watching TV or surging the web, people do become familiar with the places they have never visited. But these will no necessary lead to tourism become obsolete.(这个句子对马？大概更多 it is not necessary ) No matter how vivid the image is and how comprehensive the tour program is, none of these can substitute the experience of going to tour place. For example, we can easily access to the large amount of photograph of the moon through television and internet. We can even see the stirring first footprints of mankind on the surface of the moon. But how can we touch the soil of the moon with our own hands and how can we feel the dead silence pervading the moon if we don’t go there. So there is something particular of tourism that we can never get from watching TV or surging the internet. A true tourist would never overlook these things which are essence of tourism.

To sum up, the prevalence of television and internet will not exert a negative influence on tourism, on the contrary, I believe that tourism will prosperous than ever before owning to the increasing facility of traffic and gaining tourism information which is transmitted mainly by television and worldwide computer connections.

我觉得还可以加上旅游有互相交流，文化传承的作用。和不同地点民族的交流有巨大的魅力来增加说服力。

udoUID: 2114276

我来回拍啦

udoUID: 2114276

It is true that television and worldwide computer connections is more and more popular than ever before. So people can now visit all over the world without leaving their home. Therefore, the speaker asserts that tourism will soon become obsolete. In my opinion, however, it is not case at all. I believe that tourism will become more attractive to all of us owning to the tourism information which is transmitted mainly by television and internet, the worldwide computer connections.

With increasing amount of information about tourism available for crowd, tourism will definite prosperous. During the last three decades, human society has experienced a series of unprecedented changes which have deep influence to our society in every aspect. Among those changes the most prominent one is the appearance and development of television and worldwide computer connections. With the help of television and internet, we can now stay at home and just turn to a tour program or browse the world wide web to visit all over the world. So some may believe that going out for a tour, which is relative expensive and exhaustive when compare to watching tour program or surging the web, will lose its attractive. However, the fact is that during the last three decades, tourism has becoming more prosperous than ever before.

At first, as to the tour places, through television and internet, it is very easy for them to introduce themselves to their potential tourists. They can show themselves vividly through wonderful image and dulcet sounds. 再多说些，只要游客来得更多了，就可以赚更多的钱，提供更多的工作机会，繁荣当地的经济。。。因此是利于旅游业的发展的。如果没有效果，也不会见到那么多旅游景点不遗余力的在电视上做广告了。 As to the tourists, they can also easily get a lot of useful information about tourism such as the location of the tour place, the climate, the possible expense of the tour. Internet also provides forums for tourist to communicate their experience of tour. All of this makes the tour more and more convenient and attractive.

Secondly, television and internet can never replace tourism. Through watching TV or surging the web, people do become familiar with the places they have never visited. But these will no necessary lead to tourism become obsolete. No matter how vivid the image is and how comprehensive the tour program is, none of these can substitute the experience of going to tour place. For example, we can easily access to the large amount of photograph of the moon through television and internet. We can even see the stirring first footprints of mankind on the surface of the moon. But how can we touch the soil of the moon with our own hands and how can we feel the dead silence pervading the moon if we don’t go there. 虽然目前有了太空旅游，但是还远没到月球旅游的地步，所以我觉得你的这个例子举得有点远。把moon换成什么的大家有可能去的多好，哪怕the Everest也行啊 So there is something particular of tourism that we can never get from watching TV or surging the internet. A true tourist would never overlook these things which are essence of tourism.

To sum up, the prevalence of television and internet will not exert a negative influence on tourism, on the contrary, I believe that tourism will prosperous than ever before owning to the increasing facility of traffic and gaining tourism information which is transmitted mainly by television and worldwide computer connections.

你写得真好。读你文章的同时也打开了我的思路。谢谢！

G10T5UID: 2101393

It is true that television and worldwide computer connections is more and more popular than ever before. So people can now visit all over the world without leaving their home. Therefore, the speaker asserts that tourism will soon become obsolete. In my opinion, however, it is not （少个冠词）case at all. I believe that tourism will become more attractive to all of us owning to the tourism information which is transmitted mainly by television and internet, the worldwide computer connections.

With increasing amount of information about tourism available for crowd, tourism will definite  （副词）prosperous. During the last three decades, human society has experienced a series of unprecedented changes which have deep influence to our society in every aspect. Among those changes the most prominent one is the appearance and development of television and worldwide computer connections. With the help of television and internet, we can now stay at home and just turn to a tour program or browse the world wide web to visit all over the world. So some may believe that going out for a tour, which is relative expensive and exhaustive when compare to watching tour program or surging the web, will lose its attractive. However, the fact is that during the last three decades, tourism has becoming more prosperous than ever before. （你这一段的目的是什么？第一句话是主题句吗？如果是的话，你这一段只有最后一句话可以支持你的论断。如果你这一段的目的只是给出背景知识的话，就显得太多了。如果你想反驳作者的推论的话，又没有指出他的错误，而只是用一个统计数据提了一下。）

At first, as to the tour places, through television and internet, it is very easy for them to introduce themselves to their potential tourists. They can show themselves vividly through wonderful image and dulcet sounds. As to the tourists, they can also easily get a lot of useful information about tourism such as the location of the tour place, the climate, the possible expense of the tour. Internet also provides forums for tourist to communicate their experience of tour. All of this makes the tour more and more convenient and attractive. （呵呵，和我写的一样）

Secondly, television and internet can never replace tourism. Through watching TV or surging the web, people do become familiar with the places they have never visited. But these will no necessary lead to tourism become obsolete （这样的用法，以前好像也看你用过，不知道可不可以，为什么不用they will not necessarily lead to 呢）. No matter how vivid the image is and how comprehensive the tour program is, none of these can substitute the experience of going to tour place. For example, we can easily access to the large amount of photograph of the moon through television and internet （怎么突然跑到moon上去了）. We can even see the stirring first footprints of mankind on the surface of the moon. But how can we touch the soil of the moon with our own hands and how can we feel the dead silence pervading the moon if we don’t go there （太空旅游还不是想去就去的吧，换个陆地上的）. So there is something particular of tourism that we can never get from watching TV or surging the internet. A true tourist would never overlook these things which are essence of tourism.

To sum up, the prevalence of television and internet will not exert a negative influence on tourism, on the contrary, I believe that tourism will prosperous than ever before owning to the increasing facility of traffic and gaining tourism information which is transmitted mainly by television and worldwide computer connections.
你这篇文章的结构不清楚。首先第二段的作用是什么？看你第三段和第四段的段首词，感觉像是第二段介绍背景知识，并且在最后一句话提出你的观点“电视促进旅游”。但是接下来的第三段还是说电视的好处，怎么第四段突然就变成了批判作者的论断错误了。或许将第2段和第4段合并会更好些。这样一段说电视不能代替旅游，一段说电视对旅游有利。

ouymUID: 2109118

看到这么多的xdjm来帮忙，心理热乎乎的！:)
写文章是细致活，我一定要对着大家的意见，细细的思考！谢谢各位！！

amanda1011UID: 2106668

It is true that television and worldwide computer connections is more and more popular than ever before. So people can now visit all over the world without leaving their home. Therefore, the speaker asserts that tourism will soon become obsolete. In my opinion, however, it is not case at all. I believe that tourism will become more attractive to all of us owning to the tourism information which is transmitted mainly by television and internet, the worldwide computer connections.

With increasing amount of information about tourism available for crowd, tourism will definite prosperous. During the last three decades, human society has experienced a series of unprecedented changes which have deep influence to our society in every aspect. Among those changes the most prominent one is the appearance and development of television and worldwide computer connections. With the help of television and internet, we can now stay at home and just turn to a tour program or browse the world wide web to visit all over the world. So some may believe that going out for a tour, which is relative expensive and exhaustive when compare（compared） to watching tour program or surging（应该是surf 吧？） the web, will lose its attractive. However, the fact is that during the last three decades, tourism has becoming more prosperous than ever before.

At first（这个词好像不对，是起初，一开始的意思，并不是首先的意思）, as to（这个用的也不对，as to是至于某事物，谈到某事物的意思，你要表达的是对于某某来说吧？） the tour places, through television and internet, it is very easy for them to introduce themselves to their potential tourists. They can show themselves vividly through wonderful image（复数） and dulcet sounds. As to the tourists, they can also easily get a lot of useful information about tourism such as the location of the tour place, the climate, the possible expense of the tour. Internet also provides forums for tourist to communicate their experience of tour. All of this makes the tour more and more convenient and attractive.（我想这段你是想说，旅游更方便了，所以会更兴旺对吗？但是没有表现出来，全都偏到写电视的好处去了。）

Secondly, television and internet can never replace tourism. Through watching TV or surging（surf） the web, people do become familiar with the places they have never visited. But these will no necessary lead to tourism become obsolete（G10T5提的问题我查了一下，可以这样用，不过比较少啦。我倒是对lead to的用法有疑问，后面可以加个句子？理论上后面可以加宾语的地方就可以用宾语从句，不过大多数还是只加sth）. No matter how vivid the image is and how comprehensive the tour program is, none of these can substitute the experience of（for） going to tour place（旅游点不是这么说的吧）. For example, we can easily access to the large amount of photograph of the moon through television and internet. We can even see the stirring first footprints of mankind on the surface of the moon. But how can we touch the soil of the moon with our own hands and how can we feel the dead silence pervading the moon if we don’t go there. So there is something particular of tourism that we can never get from watching TV or surging the internet. A true tourist would never overlook these things which are essence of tourism.（把这些特殊的东西点出来比较好。用something,things太泛了。呵呵，虽然偶也经常想不出用什么词，只好用这样模糊的词代替了。）

To sum up, the prevalence of television and internet will not exert a negative influence on tourism, on the contrary, I believe that tourism will （be）prosperous than ever before owning to the increasing facility of traffic and gaining tourism information which is transmitted mainly by television and worldwide computer connections.（这句基本跟第一段一模一样了。而且倒数第二段的观点没有包含进来。）

（ 1. 前面的XDJM改过的语言问题，我就不再写了，只写了一些其他我认为不太妥当的地方。
  2. 如G10T5所说，逻辑思路比较乱。你的观点是偏向否定，第二段可能要整段改写。可以参考udo写的第二段从正面来描述人们更想去旅游了，不过这个论点确实不太好描述，容易产生误解，以为你又在说电视的好处了。像这样的论点，是不是编造一个调查数据来进行对比，说明比没有电视之前更加繁荣了？）

蚱蜢舟UID: 2116052

It is true that television and worldwide computer connections is more and more popular than ever before. So people can now visit all over the world without leaving their home. Therefore, the speaker asserts that tourism will soon become obsolete. In my opinion, however, it is not case at all. I believe that tourism will become more attractive to all of us owning to the tourism information which is transmitted mainly by television and internet, the worldwide computer connections.

With increasing amount of information about tourism available for crowd（同意楼上的，不太适合）, tourism will definite（be） prosperous. During the last three decades, human society has experienced a series of unprecedented changes which have deep influence to our society in every aspect. Among those changes the most prominent one is the appearance and development of television and worldwide computer connections. With the help of television and internet, we can now stay at home and just turn to a tour program or browse the world wide web to visit all over the world. So some may believe that going out for a tour, which is relative expensive and exhaustive when compare to watching tour program or surging（surfing） the web, will lose its attractive. However, the fact is that during the last three decades, tourism has becoming more prosperous than ever before.

At first, as to the tour places, through television and internet, it is very easy for them to introduce themselves to their potential tourists. They can show themselves vividly through wonderful image and dulcet sounds. As to the tourists, they can also easily get a lot of useful information about tourism such as the location of the tou place, the climate, the possible expense of the tour. Internet also provides forums for tourist to communicate their experience of tour. All of this(these) makes the tour more and more convenient and attractive.（应该更突出的点到因为有交流，方便的信息，人们对某些有口皆碑的旅游地更加向往了，我明白你的意思，但是我想再点出来一
下会更好的）Secondly, television and internet can never replace tourism. Through watching TV or surging the web, people do become familiar with the places they have never visited. But these will no necessary lead to tourism become obsolete. No matter how vivid the image is and how comprehensive the tour program is, none of these can substitute the experience of going to tour place. For example, we can easily access to the large amount of photograph of the moon through television and internet. We can even see the stirring first footprints of mankind on the surface of the moon. But how can we touch the soil of the moon with our own hands and how can we feel the dead silence pervading the moon if we don’t go there. So there is something particular of tourism that we can never get from watching TV or surging the internet. A true tourist would never overlook these things which are essence of tourism.（不错，思路很清晰）

To sum up, the prevalence of television and internet will not exert a negative influence on tourism, on the contrary, I believe that tourism will prosperous than ever before owning to the increasing facility of traffic and gaining tourism information which is transmitted mainly by television and worldwide computer connections.（意思明了，我个人建议可以把这句出现在开头段同样的话ｐａｒａｐｈｒａｓｅ以下，换个方式表达，重复总觉得不好：））OY兄，呵呵，不错啊 ，除了一些小错误以外，文章思路很清晰，语言挺流畅的，继续加油，明天好运哦！！！