argument20 "决战830拍砖组" 8月17日作业 限时，请大家指教！

nanziUID: 2126362

Argument 20
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：30分5秒     341 words
从2005年7月17日20时56分到2005年7月17日21时30分
------题目------
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Balmer Island Gazette.
'The population of Balmer Island increases to 100,000 duing the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by each of the island's six moped and bicycle rental companies from 50 per day to 30 per day during the summer season. By limiting the number of rentals, the town council is sure to attain the 50 percent reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year in the neighboring island of Torseau, when Torseau's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals.'
------正文------
In this argument, the author conclude that by reducing the number of rentals in the island's six moped and bicycle rental companies, Balmer would enjoy the 50 percent reduction in moped accidents. To substantiate the conclusion, the author assumes that the similar reduction of moped accidents in neighboring island is due to their rental declination policy, in addition, an unwarranted analogy was assumed between B and T island. A careful examination would reveal how groundless the argument is.

First of all, as mentioned above, the argument is based on a false analogy. The author simply assumes that the implication of T island is effective in B island, but he does not provide any evidence to support that the two districts are indeed comparable. Although both of them are island, even here may exist fundamental differences: the total number of residents, the terrain conditions, and also the enthusiasm of people in the two district towards
moped and bicycle rental, the existence or extend of a causal relationship between moped rental and moped accidents. As a result, the two districts do not establish a warranted analogy.

In addition, the author unfairly assumes that the reduction in moped accidents bears some relationship to the moped rental policy implicated in T island. However, he provides no evidence to support that it is the case. Other factors might also brings the same result of moped accident reduction. For example, the T island may have some significant roads conditions improved, or bolt the transportation management, or instilled the resident with road security convention. Without ruling out this and other factors that give rise to the reduction in moped accidents, the author cannot confidently conclude that the change of moped rental policy are attributed to the reduction in moped accident in T island.

In conclusion, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To be better convincing, the author should provide more evidence in the transportation in B and T island. Lacking such evidence, the author cannot confidently commend that B should implicate a moped rental declination policy.

内容好像有些不充实，还是练习不够啊。
欢迎狠狠拍啊！
回拍！谢谢啦！

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-17 at 23:07 ]

minorUID: 2127549

1.缩写怎么来得?要指明的,比如Torseau(T).不过这两个名字都不长,打一下也可以的
2.开头太长,没有必要把文章复述一遍,改卷者对文章十分熟悉,没必要再看一遍,尽量写短,比如: Theauthor's asserts that in order to reduce of moped accidents Balmer Island   should limit the number of rentals. however, this argument is untenable sa discussed below.  关键是下面的分析
3.论证结构不好,我认为,首先批判Balmer Island 减少车辆出租--->事故减少
    其次为错误类比
    再次讨论accident rate and number are different .
   这些是主要错误
文章语言还是不错的,^_^

nanziUID: 2126362

我也觉得论证部分有问题，刚刚开始系统练习不久，
结构确实应该好好组织一下。
Thank you so much!

minorUID: 2127549

你是哪天 啊 ?

BKRL1234UID: 2127835

。。我还是不会用彩色字体，只好写括号里面了。
In this argument, the author conclude that by reducing the number of rentals in the island's six moped and bicycle rental companies, Balmer would enjoy the 50 percent reduction in moped accidents. To substantiate the conclusion, the author assumes（用cites好些） that the similar reduction of moped accidents in neighboring island is due to their rental declination policy, in addition（？conj？）, an unwarranted analogy was assumed between B and T island. A careful examination would reveal how groundless the argument is.（B、T、A说一下吧）

First of all, as mentioned above, the argument is based on a false analogy. The author simply assumes that the implication of T island is effective in B island, but he does not（fails to是不是更好） provide any evidence to support that the two districts are indeed comparable. Although both of them are island, even here may exist fundamental differences: the total number of residents, the terrain conditions, and also the enthusiasm of people in the two district towards
moped and bicycle rental, the existence or extend of a causal relationship between moped rental and moped accidents. As a result, the two districts do not establish a warranted analogy.（这里是不是只写了模版没添内容？）

In addition, the author unfairly assumes that the reduction in moped accidents bears some relationship to the moped rental policy implicated in T island. However, he provides no evidence to support that it is the case. Other factors might also brings the same result of moped accident reduction. For example, the T island may have some significant roads conditions improved, or bolt the transportation management, or instilled the resident with road security convention. Without ruling out this and other factors that give rise to the reduction in moped accidents, the author cannot confidently conclude that the change of moped rental policy are attributed to the reduction in moped accident in T island.

In conclusion, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To be better convincing, the author should provide more evidence in the transportation in B and T island. Lacking such evidence, the author cannot confidently commend that B should implicate a moped rental declination policy.
论证段写的挺好的。
就是说完两个岛情况不同后后面那几句causal relationship不太清楚，我觉得那里应该是写减少租车和减少车辆不是一回事儿。
这个我今天本来想写，看了会儿电影就没写。当时想的思路和你的差不多，提纲列这儿吧。
1,两个岛情况不同
2.减少6个租车公司的车和减少车辆不是一回事。
3.减少车辆和减少交通事故没有必然因果关系

有空拍拍我的，刚开始写，没现时，写了50分钟：）
Argument29: [url]https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=321432[/url]

[ Last edited by BKRL1234 on 2005-8-18 at 02:06 ]

nanziUID: 2126362

9月2号，武汉。
:)
minor, 帮你改了argu117
也谢谢BKRL1234, 改完后给你。