Argument140 偶的第一篇ARGUMENT 望好心人批改多砸砖 有拍必回

我的世界我做主UID: 208546

严重超时 SIGH

Argument140  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：39分28秒     425 words
从2005年7月26日16时31分到2005年7月26日17时39分
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The following appeared in a report of the Committee on Faculty Promotions and Salaries at Elm City University.
'During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college.'
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In this report, the author recommends that Professor Thomas should receive a 10000 raise and promotion to Department Chairperson for her teaching and research abilities, otherwise she will leave Elm City University for another college. To support this recommendation, the author points out that her classes are among the largest at the university, which demonstrates her popularity among students. The author also points out the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. However, the argument is problematic in several critical respects.

First and foremost, the mere fact that Professor Thomas' classes are among the largest at the university is scant evidence that she is popular with the students. It is entirely possible that her class is compulsory in the university and students have to take the class even though it is not interesting at all. Or it is possible that her class would be useful in students' hunting for a job, therefore the students decide to take it though it is not interesting. Each scenario, if true, will severely undermine the author's conclusion that Professor Thomas is popular among the students.

Secondly, the author assumes that the money she has brought to the university in research grants is a indication of her teaching and research abilities. Common sense and experience tells us that the money she has bought to the university has nothing to do with her teaching and research abilities. Moreover, we are not informed how Professor Thomas brought the money to the university; The author overlooks the possibility that the sponsor actively donates the money. Or perhaps the Professor Thomas herself provides her own money as a donation to the university. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author's conclusion that the money Professor Thomas brought to the university is an indication of her effort can be rejected out of hand.

The final problem involves the author’s hasty assumption that she will leave Elm City University for another college if she doesn't receive 10000 raise and promotion to Department Chairperson. The author provides no evidence to substantiate this assumption. It is only base on his/her subjective speculation. Or at least the author should provide Professor Thomas's proclivity on this matter. Moreover the author unreasonably assumes that the salary and the promotion opportunity are the only factors affecting Professor Thomas's decision whether to continue to work in the university or not. One or other possible factor may be responsible for her decision, such as the academic atmosphere and the quality of the equipment of the university. In short, without considering and ruling out these factors might determine Professor Thomas' decision making, the author cannot unjustifiably conclude that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college.

In sum, the argument is wholly unconvincing as it stands. To bolster it, the author must provide clear evidence that Professor Thomas's is in fact popular among the students, or other respects demonstrating her teaching or research ability. To better assess that argument, the author also need to provide the recourses of the money Professor Thomas's brought to the university and how she brought it. Finally, we would also need to know to which extent the raising of salary and promotion determine Professor Thomas's stay and other factors may influence her decision.

[ Last edited by 我的世界我做主 on 2005-8-27 at 13:29 ]

fishwater00UID: 182063

我限时只能写400不到 郁闷中

我的世界我做主UID: 208546

怎么没人拍呢

tjhhdldut2005UID: 202634

In this report, the author recommends that Professor Thomas should receive a 10000 raise and promotion to Department Chairperson for her teaching and research abilities, otherwise she will leave Elm City University for another college. To support this recommendation, the author points out that her classes are among the largest at the university, which demonstrates her popularity among students. The author also points out the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. However, the argument is problematic in several critical respects.

First and foremost, the mere fact that Professor Thomas' classes are among the largest at the university is scant evidence that she is popular with the students. It is entirely possible that her class is compulsory in the university and students have to take the class even though it is not interesting at all. Or it is possible that her class would be useful in students' hunting for a job, therefore the students decide to take it though it is not interesting. Each scenario, if true, will severely undermine the author's conclusion that Professor Thomas is popular among the students.

Secondly, the author assumes that the money she has brought to the university in research grants is a（an） indication of her teaching and research abilities. Common sense and experience tells us that the money she has bought to the university has nothing to do with her teaching and research abilities. Moreover, we are not informed how Professor Thomas brought the money to the university; The author overlooks the possibility that the sponsor actively donates the money. Or perhaps the Professor Thomas herself provides her own money as a donation to the university. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author's conclusion that the money Professor Thomas brought to the university is an indication of her effort can be rejected out of hand.

The final problem involves the author’s hasty assumption that she will leave Elm City University for another college if she doesn't receive 10000 raise and promotion to Department Chairperson. The author provides no evidence to substantiate this assumption. It is only base on his/her subjective speculation. Or at least the author should provide Professor Thomas's proclivity on this matter. Moreover the author unreasonably assumes that the salary and the promotion opportunity are the only factors affecting Professor Thomas's decision whether to continue to work in the university or not. One or other possible factor may be responsible for her decision, such as the academic atmosphere and the quality of the equipment of the university.也可以写一些Professor Thomas即使课教得好，有科研资金也不能证明他就能胜任Department Chairperson一职位的内容。 In short, without considering and ruling out these factors might determine Professor Thomas' decision making, the author cannot unjustifiably conclude that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college.

In sum, the argument is wholly unconvincing as it stands. To bolster it, the author must provide clear evidence that Professor Thomas's is in fact popular among the students, or other respects demonstrating her teaching or research ability. To better assess that argument, the author also need to provide the recourses of the money Professor Thomas's brought to the university and how she brought it. Finally, we would also need to know to which extent the raising of salary and promotion determines Professor Thomas's stay and other factors may influence her decision.

我觉得作者对argument文章的结构已经把握得很熟练了.没什么问题了。（至少我这样觉得）太佩服了！！！太佩服了！！！:victory:
有个问题想探讨一下，作者的文章写的太符合范文的标准了是不是会让阅卷者觉得雷同了？我指与其他考生的作文。因为很多备考者都是按照作者的文章套路来准备的。
第一次改作文，不当之处请多多见谅。

我的世界我做主UID: 208546

偶看了挺多北美的范文
所以写的时候就觉得跟范文挺象的
还是欢迎过路者多指正
楼上的可以留下你的链接

我的世界我做主UID: 208546

中间批的那句很有道理
关于“即使课教得好，有科研资金也不能证明他就能胜任Department Chairperson一职位的内容。”本来想写，可时间不够了

killowindUID: 207262

In this report , the author says that professor Thomas should receive a $10000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson because of  his excellent abilities of teaching and research and the money she brought to school in the past 2 years , otherwise she will leave Elm City University for another college, the  ostensibly reasonable deduction is ,to some extent ,filled with several obvious leaks.

  First of all, the author says that the money professor Thomas brought to the school exceeds her salary, as a matter of fact, the author don’t tell us some detailed information about how she brought the money, maybe some social organization donated it for some other reasons but not for professor Thomas’s excellent ability of research, granted she brought more money in the past years, it is not sufficient to have the reason to give her a $10000 raise, the university provides her the opportunity to work, the nation bring her up, it is her responsibility to bring some wealth to compensate the university and the society..

Also even if professor Thomas’s class is among the largest at the university , it can’t illustrate that she has good teaching ability, maybe the class she teaches is a compulsory one, or there is no other teachers that can teach that class, but not because her class is interesting.

Meanwhile, even if we take it for granted that professor Thomas has great teaching and research abilities, it is not sufficient to say that she can  be fit for the position of Department Chairperson,.As a Department Chairperson, it is not just teaching and making some research that simple, you will have to do many other things, maybe every dog has his position, professor Thomas can do well in teaching and research, but it doesn’t mean that she can serve as a good Department Chairperson.

Even more ridiculous is that the author says “without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college." Everybody knows that  except for money and status, there are still many thing especially for a person who is dedicated to research and teaching, maybe the academic atmosphere and the laboratory equipment are more important that such things.

So simply  from the author’s presentation, it is not cogent  enough  that we should recommend that professor Thomas can receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson, maybe  the author can provide us more reasonable demonstration  until we can adopt his suggestion”

childrenqUID: 2109575

楼主看看这个帖子

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=134092

我的世界我做主UID: 208546

谢谢楼上的
领悟了
偶也是10.22深圳